No sex!

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No sex!

Postby Lady1 » Wed Feb 28, 2018 11:16 pm

My husband and I have been married for under 3 years and had a baby 19 months ago. Sex slowed down after our daughter was born however over the last nine months we have had sober sex once!!!! (Alcochol fuelled sex three times) I am desperate to make love with him and think about it all the time whereas he doesn’t want to sleep with me. He has always suffered with a tight foreskin and blames this even though he has always suffered with this since we were together and we used to have some pretty good sex.
I have just said to him I wish you would either just make love to me or leave me and had little response. I love this man and pictured the rest of our lives together but I really don’t know what to do now!?

Please help!!

Edited for swearing - please remember this forum is open to people of all ages.
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Re: No sex!

Postby stephie2 » Fri Mar 02, 2018 9:25 am

Normally it is the woman who doesn't want sex after a baby. It is a huge problem between couples and the only thing you can do is sit him down and tell him how unhappy you are. If he cares then he will listen to your issues and try to resolve this.
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Re: No sex!

Postby reckoner » Fri Mar 02, 2018 2:44 pm

Whilst I agree that talking through problems is usually the answer, I think matters concerning the bedroom, and the aspects of physical performance that a man must contend with more fundamentally than a woman, require a delicate approach.

Lady, if you take a quick scan of topics posted in this particular forum, you should see what a common problem this is, as Stephie said, for both sexes so I think the first thing you need to do is not take it personally. Making love is easy at the start of a relationship and it gradually becomes more and more of an effort to keep the fire burning. I think whichever party has lost enthusiasm will use whatever excuse comes to mind. As far as I know, it's pretty crushing for a man when he can't rise to the occasion so the harder you push, the further he's likely to retreat. It sounds like you're feeling desperate, and I can imagine that's putting huge pressure on your husband, which is counterproductive to your cause.

I think the key to a successful relationship is to not let familiarity erode respect for each other's feelings. You wouldn't go into the first few dates demanding sex and I think it's a good idea to use the same kind of strategies to attract your partner when the fizzle has gone as you would have at the start. You know the routine - a bit of romance, dressing nicely, nice venue etc.

But before you think about what happens in the bedroom, I think you need to focus on how to have the kind of fun and generate the affection that gets you in the mood. I think he needs to know that you're happy to spend quality time with him even if it doesn't end with sex. I think that's the best way you can alleviate the pressure he's feeling and encourage him to relax. Take it slow, more like you would at the start. (And if you didn't take it slow at the start, I think it's worth trying.)
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Re: No sex!

Postby David020549 » Fri Mar 02, 2018 9:48 pm

My sympathy, men loosing their sex drive is not at all uncommon, it features quite often in these pages. Emotional problems are one cause both for men and women, fear of failure, a partner who is obviously dissatisfied, a partner who has changed a great deal either physically or temperamentally. Any of those may cause lack or arrousal, a woman can fake arrousal which smooths things over a man can't.
Physical problems don't often come up for men but you do mention a tight foreskin, are you absolutely sure he has not got an infection and is too shy to go to his GP. I mention this because 2 guys I know in their 40s have just been circumcised, not an operation you would wish on anybody, not least because of the ribbing they are going to get in the pub.
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