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Jamesil20
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Joined: Tue Feb 04, 2020 8:36 am
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Advice

Post by Jamesil20 »

Hi guy, I could really do with some advice,
I have been in a long term relationship with a girl and for the most part it has been amazing but last year was the year from hell for her, she lost her grandparents, hurt her back at work and found out she was epileptic and I did everything I could to be there for her and to support her even though suffering from stress myself. Anyway she got friendly with this girl from work, who seemed to have an unnatural interest in her and started to influence my gf, when I asked her a bit about her friend and said has she got a bf, she said “she had but dumped him because he was too controlling and wouldn’t let her have her own friends” this was like a warning bell because my gf was very naive and trusting in some ways.
That was back in the summer, then my gf went overseas to see relatives and her friend picked her up from the airport and from then on much as she was as loving and affectionate when we we were together this girl was also there not in person but my gf was always messaging her. As she hadn’t much money due to her trip I paid for almost everything when we were together and even paid for passport.

Anyway in Dec I asked my gf about the future and wanted to discuss us moving but she was reluctant to bring up the matter with her parents then a couple of days later they all had to have a much loved pet put to sleep and my gf wanted to be there for them so I hardly spoke to her over Xmas but did get a message Xmas Day telling me I was the best partner in the world and how much she loved me. Anyway she and her family were going to visit relatives at the end of Dec and my gf’s was housesitting for them, on the day they left I had a really bad day and had what was a tiny row(30 secs) with my gf and when I tried speaking to her the next day she said she couldn’t deal with it despite her knowing I was starting counselling in Jan and didn’t speak to me or respond but blocked me on FB and WhatsApp till 4th Jan when she was still mad, then on the 7th Jan I asked if we could talk and she said “we were over as she couldn’t forgive me”, so I tried messaging her on Twitter as it’s the anniversary of her grandparents death and she blocked me but while on there she tweeted she had moved out of her family home(& likely one with her friend from work). I don’t live very close so can’t check but think this other girl has manipulated and turned her against me.

Unfortunately I am still totally in love with her and don’t know what to do, so any advice would be welcome.
Jc
Ps My gf has never indicated she is bi or anything
snail
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Re: Advice

Post by snail »

To be honest it's difficult to know what was going on for her and what she was thinking. The fact that she didn't want to discuss moving in together is significant; if it had been something she was thinking about, expecting, and looking forward to then I don't think she would have responded like that. It then seems as though she used the small argument as an excuse to end the relationship, as it was rather a flimsy reason.

At the end of the day, whatever this female friend has said and done, your girlfriend unfortunately doesn't seem interested in a future with you. She's made that decision, perhaps because this friend has made her see things differently, perhaps because she has experienced an attraction to her, or perhaps for other reasons unrelated to this friend. But whatever the reason, there isn't much that you can do about it, especially if she won't talk to you. If you're sure you don't want to give up, there's no harm in waiting a while (say, three months) and respectfully contacting her saying that you still care for her and would like her to re-consider.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

Najwa Zebian
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