What to do with the rest of my life!

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Just Landed
Just Landed
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 5:50 pm

What to do with the rest of my life!

Post by moodyblue »

Evening, and I'll try and keep this concise!
I could really do with some advice as I have no idea what to do. To cut a long story short - emigrated to a foreign country to renovate a house in 2005 with husband and 3 small children. I work from home so we guessed we could survive on my income while husband renovated. On arrival discovered multiple English neighbours who had no problem turning up at all hours to drink with husband - often until the early hours. I was working and trying to get the children settled in school in a foreign country. Don't get me wrong, I'm not averse to a few bevvies myself, but I feel that there is a time and a place.
Moving on 10 years - decided I'd had enough and wanted to go back to the UK. Husband doing occasional manual work at this point (and drinking quite heavily with friends and neighbours). Went back to the UK to set wheels in motion - husband not having any of it and said that if I tried to take the children he would "trap me down and rip my effing head off" (not the first time he'd said that. Found out sister had cancer when I arrived in UK - we'd had a falling out a few years before but made our peace. Back and forth to UK for a week a month for 7 months until she passed away. Decided I didn't want to be alone as I get older, and had been married for 17 years by this point. The children have all had issues with our drinking - I have tried to cut down/stop on many occasions, but I seem to always have an awful lot of stress going on. We've also had many financial difficulties, and, unfortunately both went through a phase where we were both addicted to scratchcards.
Moving on another 10 years (!). Husband has had a mild stroke and been medically retired from his full time job, which he started in 2014. Back to the not being able to survive on my income alone, so husband decides to set up his own business which "will only succeed in the UK". So he's then back and forth for a week to 10 days a month for a year building his business. Makes the final move back just over a year ago. In the last 5 years son and youngest daughter have also returned to UK as they couldn't do the Uni courses they wanted over here. Leaving Middle daughter living with her boyfriend about 30 mins away from me. Husband son and youngest all waiting for me to return, but I was loathe to leave the middle one here without family. Then Covid hit - couldn't go anywhere at all...... but husband son and youngest all waiting for me to return to the UK. THEN middle one announces that she's pregnant - so in my opinion even more reason to stay? But THEN - she's been playing online games and the bf has got jealous about her chatting to another bloke. Relationship strained to say the least, so she ends up leaving him and moving back in with me. 3 months down the line she admits she's got feelings for the bloke the boyfriend was jealous of and has now move 6 hours drive away to be with him (and yes, she's still heavily pregnant). MEANWHILE...... I have become close to a local chap who has been helping me out with heavy stuff, car stuff etc when I needed it. Have known him for a while, started off just chatting and having a few beers together, but you can guess what happened next. Husband rented a flat from a client on some of his visits - when he came back he had a few drinks with a neighbour and said "I've got my landlady's knickers in my pocket" - not defending myself at tall, as what I have done is wrong, but I don't think I'm the only guilty party here. That same night, husband got drunk and passed out - neighbours came round thinking they could carry on the "party" - husband woke up and came downstairs - slapped me around the head a few times and chucked them all out.
So - the current situation is:
Daughter wants me to move 6 hours from home to live with her, the baby (when it comes) and potentially her boyfriend.
I have a house with a mortgage which I need to do some work on before I can sell it.
Husband is now living in 2 rooms above a pub.
Youngest is missing me like mad, apparently, but sees her dad often and we speak at least twice a week.
Son is quite happily living with his girlfriend and we speak every couple of months (!)
Middle daughter can be quite devious and conniving and knows about my "friend".
That's not all of it by a long shot, but if anybody has taken the time to read this you must be getting bored senseless by now.....
Just Landed
Just Landed
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Jun 17, 2021 7:41 am
Gender: Female

Re: What to do with the rest of my life!

Post by swimmingabroad »

If I was in your situation I would end this marriage, any one who hits you like that is not safe to be with.
Second I would seek help for my drink problem
Third I would seek counselling
I would not move in with my daughter.
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