Why does he do this??

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m_hart
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Why does he do this??

Post by m_hart » Wed Oct 19, 2005 1:20 pm

I've been with my bf 5 yrs , the last couple of years i've found insurance policies he never told me about and a few times he has remortgaged our home without telling me , recently I was shown how to view the history on our pc and have found that he has logged into Email accounts I didnt know he had and has visited a few online dating agencies !!
I don't know if he has cheated or was just curious ,.
I'm just not sure what to do for the best or how to find out if he was just browsing or really does intent to join one and why is he lying to me about little things(and sometimes big!) :-?
other peoples opinions would really help right now !

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Post by Seaside Belle » Wed Oct 19, 2005 1:56 pm

Hun, I'd worry more about remortgaging and extra insurance policies rather then some online flirting! Has he remortgaged your (duel owned?)home, for what? a better interest deal? to settle some of his debts? Is it just him that deals with finances? If so how do you know if he is gambling with your home?

I wouldn't be too concerned with online dating agencies or even if he is logging onto quite adult sites - if he had the inclination he would already be out doing it! Everybody is fairly curious about online flirting, my boyfriend likes to surf a swingers website and I like dating ones - but we do this together for fun - if it was secret I'd be more worried.

Time to have it out with him, take a day off work, have a massive clearout, say you came upon this paperwork whilst cleaning and ask him what it is. Be prepared to get very serious if he goes all defensive. We all have a right to privacy (like his computer history) but lying is worse then snooping! Time for him to tell the truth!

m_hart
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Post by m_hart » Wed Oct 19, 2005 2:14 pm

thnx for your reply,it goes deeper than that ,on his history it shows he goes to log in for msnhotmail and log in for yahoo and dating agencys, i have said have you got another email address without saying how i no and he said no i just need something so i can have him banged to rights,
i now if i let him now about the history button hes gonna say its proberly a pop up.once he nows about the history hes gonna b very carefull and always make sure he deletes it.

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Post by Seaside Belle » Wed Oct 19, 2005 3:21 pm

If you go down the route of hacking into his msn and yahoo accounts (there by getting access to his online dating accounts) you may set in effect a chain of events which you cannot stop. Its likely you'll know passwords he might use but do you really want to check up on him without giving him the chance to explain himself and fight for your relationship.

Make a note of the site names now and then challenge him a bit later after watching what he goes on. This is a dangerous game its sounds like you want evidence of what he's up to - you're probably going to have to get sneaky and you will lose the moral high ground.

Do you think your relationship is worth salvaging?

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Post by m_hart » Wed Oct 19, 2005 4:04 pm

i have alreadydone the sneaky bit i have been trying to access his accounts for a fortnight but with no luck ...........you would think it would be easy as you live with the person but its not i have entered every thing i can think of but no luck.
but i do no for sure they do exist but i cant get into them maybe i cant..........i need a pro

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Post by JennaXXX » Wed Oct 19, 2005 4:27 pm

It doesnt sound like you trust him. There shouldnt be any secrets in relationships and if theres no honesty then theres no point. Maybe you should tell him that you would appreciate it if he told you about decisions that affect you. Its only fair that he does really.

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Post by m_hart » Wed Oct 19, 2005 4:46 pm

for the last two years i have asked him to inclood me with whats going on and he dose not,he lies but the problem is hes no good at covering his tracks i always catch him out

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Post by m_hart » Wed Oct 19, 2005 5:05 pm

jenna do you no of a way i can find out his email add and passwords

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Post by JennaXXX » Thu Oct 20, 2005 8:42 am

I find it really worrying that you want to go into his email account. Relationships shouldnt be like this. Do you really want to carry on like this? If you stay with him then I am sure you would be incredibly paranoid of what hes up to all the time. There seems to be zero trust in your relationship.
I really do think that you have to sit him down and say that unless he doesnt include you in important matters then its over. Be firm with him and make him understand that you are serious.

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Post by wordsofwisdom » Thu Oct 20, 2005 2:02 pm

there will be no way to 'crack' access to his email accounts as such - despite what you may read on some dodgy websites scattered around the web....

seems he is playing smart, so you'll need to be smarter - however beware of the fact there may be a rational explanation - i used to have multiple email addresses ( a couple of hotmail ones bound to ebay accounts) etc etc, but they have dwindled now to a single personal one and a single work one- i'm not saying that explains his situation - but would explain that there are often rational explanations.....

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Post by the oracle » Thu Oct 20, 2005 4:19 pm

Its sounds to me m hart that your BF is totally right not to tell you everything he's doing , what makes you think he should ? ?
So what if he visits dating agencie sites...you must do to or how would you know !!!
And as for hacking into his Email account , I could tell you how .....but whats in it for me ? ! ?
I think you should shut up and be grateful to have such a interesting BF.
Ive met your kind before....... NEVER HAPPY !!!!!!!!!!!!

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Post by LICKLELEA » Thu Oct 20, 2005 4:26 pm

Oh come one Oracle, can't you see that m_hart is asking for help!

I mean if your partner remortgaged the house without telling you then I'm sure you would be worried and a bit suspicious.

That wasn't a very helpful comment.

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Post by Rob01 » Thu Oct 20, 2005 4:30 pm

Re remortgaging the house.

How could he do it without getting you to sign the paperwork too? Joint mortgages need both signatures. If it is just his property, then it is up to him what to do with it?
Last edited by Rob01 on Thu Oct 20, 2005 4:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by LICKLELEA » Thu Oct 20, 2005 4:32 pm

that is very true Rob01!

Although if you were living with someone and they had money troubles and were remortgaging the house without telling you you'd be a bit unhappy I expect.

I think there is no trust in the relationship so its probably not worth carrying on with.

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Post by Rob01 » Thu Oct 20, 2005 4:35 pm

I agree entirely Lea. If I was the chap involved, I would obviously tell me gf all about it! And I also agree re no trust.

M_Hart - Has your relaationship run its course?

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