Do I need counselling?

For problems with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, lovers and leavers!
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter
Post Reply
mickyjoe
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
Posts: 76
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2005 10:25 am

Do I need counselling?

Post by mickyjoe » Tue Oct 25, 2005 4:26 pm

I've been writing about my problems on this page over a period of time I'm sorry if I seem to be going on too long with this. My b/f and I keep on arguing usually over our relationship. Recently we had a big fight and he said that he wanted to break up with me but still call me and come back to see me. The next time he would do that would be at xmas. At first I told him no I couldn't do tha because it would hurt too much to see him knowing that we had broken up. This led into a huge row and upset from him. I told him that I would need to move on bacause I couldn't cope with him not being here. He said that he didn't want me to move on and why couldn't I wait for him. The end of the argument came after a few hours with me backing down and saying ok i'll wait for him.

During our row I asked him if there was anyone else and he repeatedly said no. He wanted to break up because he needed to concentrate on his work. I said ok to that. Since then we have phoned each other he went out at the wkend while I went away. During this time - today I found out that a lot of text messages were sent to a particular number while I was away the number belongs to a girl. I told him about the bill for the phone and asked him if he had sent any messages and he said only to me. At this point he offered to give me some money towards the phone. I think he's lying.

He told me today that our relationship wasn't very good at the moment and not to push him or pressure him. He told me that he preferred to do his work play sport and relax with his friends as they don't stress him out like I do.

Time and time again I keep finding things out like these and I'm so attached to him I can't see how he's hurting me. Why can't i let go. He asked me to check on the net about the bill - althogh I have already done this - I need to tell and ask him about the messages and I think he's going to lie to me. What should I do? My mental well being has gone down a lot and all I can think about is him. The next time i'm suppose to see him is in three weeks time. and then at xmas when we are suppose to go away for a few days.

Does anyone have any similar arrangements?
Should I get counselling to help me through this because it is really bringing me down and all I can do is cry.

User avatar
V23
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
Posts: 336
Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 4:16 pm

Post by V23 » Tue Oct 25, 2005 4:43 pm

I'm really sorry you're still hurting over this.
I really do think that he's treating you terribly, he breaks up with you but still expects you to 'wait' for him, he says not to pressure him but then wont give you straight answers etc...

You know he's been texting this girl. It could all be perfectly innocent because he doesn't want to upset you but at the same time he should realise that lying to you doesn't help. Maybe the next time you speak you shouldn't ask him, simply tell him that you know he was texting another girl and want to know why he lied.

I know you've been through quite alot with this guy and it is hard to let go of that, especially when you need him to be there for you and he's not doing that.
Are you actually 'together' at the moment?
You really do need to look after yourself hon, counselling may well hep if this is all just getting too much (which it does sound like it is).

Hope you're ok hon
Vanessa

mickyjoe
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
Posts: 76
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2005 10:25 am

Post by mickyjoe » Tue Oct 25, 2005 5:04 pm

We are together, I again backed down said i would wait for him. He's coming back in Nov for a wedding with me. On my way home he sent me a message saying he loves me but why can't he see how's he's treating me.

You know he's been texting this girl. It could all be perfectly innocent because he doesn't want to upset you but at the same time he should realise that lying to you doesn't help. Maybe - but one of the messages i think the last one asked if ? could come over are you busy......
which was then deleted in case i saw it but i already had and i couldn't say anything. I guess you are right he doesn't want to hurt me - but why do it?

Maybe the next time you speak you shouldn't ask him, simply tell him that you know he was texting another girl and want to know why he lied. i could and call his bluff.

You really do need to look after yourself hon, counselling may well hep if this is all just getting too much (which it does sound like it is). I've made an appointment to see my GP and i think I'll ask for counselling then, if they think I need it.

Hope you're ok hon
Vanessa[/quote]

m_hart
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
Posts: 18
Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2005 12:59 pm

Post by m_hart » Tue Oct 25, 2005 11:48 pm

hi mickyjoe. all i can say is walk away now and dont get bogged down like me,.to give you some idea on what you could expect in the future read my problem.............. WHY DOES HE DO THIS..........let me no what you think!!!!!!!

User avatar
Liquidius
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
Posts: 1983
Joined: Sun Apr 03, 2005 8:22 pm
Gender: Female
Location: Cornwall

Post by Liquidius » Wed Oct 26, 2005 9:43 am

Please, don't wait around. I had a similar situation, and it ripped me apart inside. In the end, it took one of my best friends to turn around to my ex, and make him decide one way or the other. You need to make him decide, or decide for him. It's not fair to make you wait.

mickyjoe
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
Posts: 76
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2005 10:25 am

Post by mickyjoe » Wed Oct 26, 2005 11:53 am

all i can say is walk away now and dont get bogged down like me,.to give you some idea on what you could expect in the future read my problem.............. WHY DOES HE DO THIS..........let me no what you think!!!!!!![/quote]
Hi M-Hart - your situation sounds almost like mine the only difference is that I own my house and not him. He was working and owed me money, he gave me some but lied about how many weeks pay he got. My b/f sent messages to other women telling them how beautiful they look which upset me at the time because I was going a bad time hormonialy and therefore needed his attention. I looked into his history and because we have joined the same website when I logged in it brought up his messages. That's how I got to read what him and they wrote. When I tackled him about it he went mad and in the end showed him what happened on the computer. I'm finding it really hard to walk away espeicially when he tells me he loves me. Its like he lies all the time I don't know what to believe - when he's telling the truth he still looks like he's lying. Most recently I found a lot of messages sent to one number I know its a girl when I ask him about it he tells me that he sent them to different people. I think I need to confront him head on - but if I do I think it will be over. I do believe that if there's no trust and you are always looking into what your b/f is doing its not going to work. My b/f wants me to be here at his beck and call ..... which is not fair.

mickyjoe
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
Posts: 76
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2005 10:25 am

Post by mickyjoe » Wed Oct 26, 2005 11:57 am

[quote="Liquidius"]Please, don't wait around. I had a similar situation, and it ripped me apart inside. In the end, it took one of my best friends to turn around to my ex, and make him decide one way or the other. You need to make him decide, or decide for him. It's not fair to make you wait.[/quote]

Thanks - I'm trying not to - but I'm hurting really bad. I can't stop crying cos I can't get through to him. Somehow this latest thing with the phone might end it all.

Post Reply