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My Girlfriend has changed since starting work

PostPosted: Sun Jan 12, 2003 9:03 pm
by tommy_turner
Hi,

I was with my girlfriend for 3 and half years, 3 of which she was a student at university.
We had our ups and downs but she always seemed to be the one to keep our relationship alive. There were times I would treat her rather bad in that I would not phone for a few weeks while she was away and it meant her doing all the phoning.
I always expected her to come to my house and very rarely met up with her family, I now put this down to being a bit of a jack the lad and not realising other peoples feelings and what it meant to her, having her parents see more of me.

In the past year I shaped up and started treating her better, something which herself and others commented on. I started to care more for her and started to do more of the phoning.

Then 8 months ago she returned home from uni for good and we seen alot more of each other, went on holidays for the first time which we both enjoyed greatly.

Then she started a new job, something which she had studied 4 years at uni for, and which carried alot of stress and made her mature very quickly.

We started to argue alot because things were not like they used to be, plans were often broken because of these work commitments and then she started to dedicate more time to work than me.

This made me jealous, and in the end after some quite nasty arguments she decided she wanted us to leave things.

It felt right because we could not continue the arguments, but it also left me feeling let down and taken for a ride, I felt as though during university we always managed to pull through and now she had this new job she did not want to make the effort to sort things out.

She went on to say that she does not love me anymore, but i think it is that she wants to give her new(demanding) job 100%.

She is not the same person anymore and if i try to speak to her she always goes on the defence, we have now stopped contacting each other for 2 months, but i do miss her and think that she still loves me deep down.

What do people think? anyone else experienced this.

Cheers

TT

PostPosted: Mon Jan 13, 2003 1:33 am
by vinny1979er
deleted

PostPosted: Tue Jan 14, 2003 2:27 am
by tommy_turner
Thanks for that mate,

I keep thinking to myself that she is doing it for the right reasons, something which I do honestly believe is true.

We are both only 23 and I think she needs some space, she has been in relationships since she was 16 and I think she wants to live a little as well.

Something which I have already done to a certain extent.

I will now go and continue enjoying myself and if she decides she wants to come back then i will deal with that when the time comes, maybe we will never get back but from our last few conversations she still loves me, and i just think it is something she needs to do.

PostPosted: Tue Jan 14, 2003 9:53 am
by kitten
I have a friend who was in a similar position, there is a lot of independance suddenly put upon you I'd imagine when leaving uni (i don't know personally I never went).

Theres a whole world to experience and she probably wants to find her feet. My friends got back together again, once he had, had a little independance.

Her job sounds quite high pressured and after working through uni to get it, she is probably giving it 100% and feels it is unfair as she can not give you much time.

Hope things work out.

re: My Girlfriend has changed since starting work

PostPosted: Tue Jan 21, 2003 8:01 pm
by saraha
hi
i was in a simular postion.
i guess i still am.
my boyfriend puts every thing be fore me.
he dont even seam so intrested in me.
i believe though that is because that is the way he is
some times talking isn't always the best solution.
i reckon she just needs some time to a just.
she is so use to study,
she finally got a job which seams to be causing her a lot of stress or put on a lot of pressure on her.
so she may be confused on the rest of the things on her life.
also you said you spend more time now with her.
she may not be use to being with you more then she use to.
even though you have been together a long time she may feel she is rushing it or it is becoming to serious.
me and my boyfriend had that problem.
we were so use to seeing each other one or two days a weeks, once it was every day it was to much for him to soon and so we had to go back to the way we were.
but the best thing to do is just give her some time and space.
tell her you are there for if she some one to chat to
once she use to every thing she be open and hopefully more understanding towards you.
i know it seams unfair, she may not realise how it is effecting you what is she doing.

take care

PostPosted: Tue Mar 25, 2003 6:12 pm
by tommy_turner
Just a quick update for those who give some advice or anyone else who cares to read.
Me and my Girlfriend (ex) are still apart but we have talked a few times when we have seen each other out on weekends.
She is still single and so am I which feels great because there was always that thought in my mind that maybe the reasons that we split was because she fancied someone else.

She has told me that there would be nobody else just that she needs some time to sort her head out.

This is great for me because I am a single guy again and am enjoying all the benefits that come with it, 2 holidays this year with the boys, a few rugby tours in between and a bit more cash in the pocket.

I don't know if we will ever get back but one good thing is that we are talking and seem to be good friends.

Cheers

TT