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*takes a deep breath*

PostPosted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 2:22 pm
by confused redhead
Firstly Hi to all

and if this is in the wrong place please feel free to move it I wont take offence


brief background


I'm married (notice the lack of happily) with a toddler who is my world.


Last year I became a member of an internet forum and got talking with with a guy who blew my mind, he's intelligent, funny, cute, generous the whole package and every now and again I still find out somethign new about him that makes him more stupidly perfect, we are definatly like minded people in a lot of respects . Our friendhsip last year became incredibly close, he quickly became someone I valued in my life and did not want to lose, we were in contact nearly all the time and would barely go 12 hours with out a text or email etc, at one point we did (in a virtual sense) cross certain lines which was nothing I had ever planned I quickly tried to establish with him about how I had tried to avoid anything like that because I valued our friendship so much and I didnt want to lose it at all but in the same breath telling him it was all good and I disn't feel that things had changed at all (things never went that way again heavily flirted in the direction but never direct) there is how ever one large problem he suffers from depression and has been incredibly bad at times, he refuses to get treatment as he says that treatment makes it worst, I have given up trying to get him to get treatment as he simply refuses to, this depression can lead him to be, in his words, completely rubbish I dont mind this most of the time but every now and again I cant take it, his non replyign to emails etc, sometimes I feel I'm only good enough for him when he's feeling down ( an emotional punchbag as it where) I've been close to walking awy from him but I cant just as i'm trying to do so he pulls me back in closer than ever and is as sweet as pie it's a roller caoster to say the least and the trouble is that he has had so many people walk away from him before I dont want to prove to him that everyone does that but on the other hand I sometimes feel that our relationship (whatever it is) isn't entirely healthy for him and that he might actually get better if I walk away from him it all hurts like hell especially because at somepoint I dont know when he went from a "phwoar I so would" to a "wow I adore this guy despite all his faults I really could be with him"

the signals he give out are confusing to say the least from the sweetest valentines cards and texts saying I love you to being virtually ignored like I said its a roller coaster the highs are amazing with him but the lows are the worst I have ever felt about anyone, we fell out a few months back and I honestly felt like he had ripped my heart out (this is so much fun to deal with while my husband is about) we have since sorted things out and things are good again but I know its only time till I turn into that emotional punchbag again, while he is fine with every one else I get the bum end of his mood because he cant deal with making that much effort through his depression.


(aplogies for the typos I'll come back and sort them out)