Advice wanted on female work colleague

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Postby remote_king » Sat Jul 07, 2007 10:53 am

Simple answer mate, DONT DO IT, you have a wife and a child you should count yourself lucky, you must love your wife or you wouldnt of married her, this work colleague sounds like a trouble maker shes playing with you. Think about what will happen if your wife finds out not only will your marraige be over but the life of your child will be affected to, if this thought alone doesnt make you sit up and take notice then theres not alot anybody can say. tell your work colleague to back off and give you some space you need time to clear your head.
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Postby morris mouse » Sat Jul 07, 2007 11:45 pm

remote_king wrote: Think about what will happen if your wife finds out not only will your marraige be over but the life of your child will be affected to, if this thought alone doesnt make you sit up and take notice then theres not alot anybody can say.


Basically,"scouser1976" you're playing with fire here,and you know it!!

Even after all these months,you posted again,today,to say that you've
not stopped flirting with this woman,& you've even snogged her :o [-X

Aren't you forgetting one detail??? You're MARRIED!!!!!

Keep away from this woman,or you'll end up having an affair and lose
EVERYTHING!!!! (is that what you really want???)
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Postby scouser1976 » Mon Jul 09, 2007 4:54 pm

Hi folks, thanks very much for the advice and I will take on board all the comments as I dont really want to be having an affair.
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Postby KELLY999 » Tue Jul 17, 2007 5:01 pm

My opinion - do you love your wife and child? That's the question you have to ask yourself. If you really really truly love your wife, then you got to to everything in your power to make things work between the two of you.

Go for relationship counselling. Leave your child with a babysitter and take her out - get the romance and spark back into your marriage.

If on the other hand you dont love your wife, and you can't ever see things going back to the way you were, don't have an affair. Don't do that, but i do suggest you talk to your wife. If you two both feel nothing is there anymore, get a divorce. Separate from each other, but make sure you are still part of your child's life.

Then after some time after all the complications have ended consider getting into a relationship with this colleague, not before. because its not fair on your wife, or this person either.
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Postby Bel Bel » Wed Jul 18, 2007 3:01 pm

I agree totally with KELLY999
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Postby scouser1976 » Fri Jul 20, 2007 11:22 pm

Hi, thanks folks for the advice. I certainly do love my wife 100% but feel we are drifting apart. we get on so well when we are not arguing and are great mates. On the other hand its been a vicious circle of arguing for some time on/off. I could not leave my wife anyway for the sake of my child and know an affair is wrong,I feel I am being drawn into one very slowly though.
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Postby morris mouse » Sun Jul 22, 2007 4:43 am

scouser1976 wrote: I could not leave my wife anyway for the sake of my child and know an affair is wrong,I feel I am being drawn into one very slowly though.


"scouser1976"

It's really good to hear from you,that,that you could not leave your
wife or kids. :)

However,you need to be VERY careful........

Even though you know that an affair is wrong,you're allowing yourself
to be drawn into one :o

Do you realisse the FULL consequences of this???

You could end up that your wife leaves you for GOOD
Do you really want to pay that price??
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Postby Rose_Tint_My_World » Thu Jul 26, 2007 1:14 am

Scouser,

I have been the female work colleague in that position (not with you, cos I didn't snog the guy) and here's my opinion/ experience for what it's worth.

I was having difficulties in my personal life (I'm single, several years younger than him) and the male colleague (married with one kid, another on the way) was a source of comfort/ support at a difficult time. He was having problems in his marriage, just got a new job etc and I provided emotional support for him to an extent. We got closer over a number of months, subtle flirting went on, but neither of us admitted we had any kind of feelings for each other, until a night out when another colleague said to me that she thought myself and the male colleague could be more than just friends. I pointed out to her that he is married and she told me that it didn't matter- she had been with married men (somehow that made it ok...) and he heard the end of this conversation when I said 'he means a lot to me'. He got very huggy/ physical on hearing this- I had quite a bit to drink and went outside of the pub we were in to get some fresh air. He followed me out and told me the feeling was mutual- I told him nothing could happen cos he was married. I decided to go home- they (him and the other female colleague) walked me to the train station, I got on the train and saw him throw his wedding ring onto the track in a moment of madness! Once I had sobered up a bit I thought I couldn't just leave things as they were- I knew he was going into work during the hol so I texted him and told him I was coming in to finish off some work and have a chat with him.

Anyway, got to work- there was no-one else around so we could say exactly what we thought without any interuptions. I told him that I appreciated his friendship and that he means a lot to me, but I am no marriage wreaker and absolutely nothing will happen between us because of that (physically not a great deal did happen, but emotionally there was a spark that had gone too far so in a sense too much HAD happened already). I told him he had to focus on his wife and child (and the one on the way)- if he was really unhappy with her then he should make the decision to separate with her, but not to be with me.

It has to have been one of the hardest things I did, because i really liked him and although we agreed to stay friends I know that can't happen at this moment in time because these 'emotions' are too fresh in our heads. I have not sent a single text to him/ or received any since then. Giving in to it is the easy part, being an adult, accepting what you're doing is wrong and walking away is the difficult part, but it is the right thing to do.

If you are unhappy in your marriage get councelling as suggested earlier and if it doesn't work then separate and be with the other woman if that's what you want, but be aware that some women look for men like you and they are only interested in an affair because of the secret element- she may have no interest in an open relationship. The most important thing you have to consider in all of this is your child and the impact your behaviour will have on your child.

Looking back at it, a month later, I have began to think about that relationship and I wonder what attracted me to it (the feelings are still there)- the supportive role played a big part for both of us. This guy also had a history of being a bit of a womaniser and I always think if he was willing to go through with an affair with me then what stops him doing the same thing to me further down the line if we were actually in a relationship- he could go out and have an affair with some other woman just as easily! I can never fully trust him...

Be careful and make the right decision
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Postby scouser1976 » Mon Aug 06, 2007 1:40 am

Hi, excellent response and it certainly makes me think about the hurt I could cause. You are correct in saying that this female may only be interested in the "secret" element as she has previouslky stated this to me. I am very sad to say that I have recently given it to her and snogged her whilst at work. Additionally we have done other things but not had full sex. I must admit I feel bad about it all and now realise what I have done and that the grass is not greener on the other side. the colleague is still very flirtatious and wants no strings fun although she is a very close mate in work now. I have now kept my distance and hope to ride this one out and move job.

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Postby Daisy1980 » Mon Aug 06, 2007 11:01 am

I can see where you are coming from, I really can. You are unhappy with the state of your marriage and this female "friend" seems to be the answer. Now that she is available for no strings fun as you put it you can have your fun with her and then return home to your wife and child.

Sorry to burst you bubble here, but I know how hard it can be to keep something as no strings fun. You need to ask yourself are you really that emotionally detached that you can sleep with her and not feel anything other than sexual pleasure and not want anything more. Sometimes the thought of no stings fun is much more attractive than the cold harsh reality. One night stands are completely different as you will be seeing this female every day at work and I am assuming that it wouldn't be just a one night thing.

I fell for a guy I was supposed to be having no strings fun with and believe me it hurts when you have just shared an experience as close as sex with someone and all you want to do is to lie in their arms and to hear them tell you that they love you and all they do is climb over you to pick up their clothes and say "thanks for that!". If you really want to start a relationship with this woman then I suggest that you make it clear from the word go what you are looking for in your relationship.

You also have to decide what you are going to do about your wife, who seems to be a little forgotten in this whole situation. I know people fall out of love and things change over time. I'm not saying you should stay with your wife just because you are married to her, but surely she deserves the respect of you being honest with her. I hope it works out for you the way that YOU want it to. Let us know how things pan out.
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Postby scouser1976 » Wed Aug 08, 2007 10:52 am

Hi Daisy,

Thanks for the response, I have taken on board what you are saying here. I have still kept my distance from this woman and have recently taken a long periodl off from work so things will die down. I needed to do this as I feel guilty as it is and dont want to compromise my marriage.

Thanks,

scouser1976.
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