work problem with colleague

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work problem with colleague

Postby katie007 » Mon Jan 15, 2007 6:19 pm

hi all im new here. Ok here it goes..........I have worked with a girl who i don't really have much in common with for the past 4 years...she never shuts up and constantly talks about herself...whereas i am the complete opposite. Anyway we got on ok because we had to i suppose and just got on with our work but i never ever told her how i really feel and now i dont think i can tolerate it any more as i have let it build up inside me and as a result have felt really depressed about it (over the last year in particular),so recently i asked my boss for a transfer to another department and decided not to tell my colleague as i felt there was no point if my transfer request was refused and also my colleague views me as her best friend in work so i knew she would get abit upset. Then my boss confronted my colleage asking if everything was alright between us etc.....which i feel was a breach of confidentiality! My colleague now is really distant with me and said she is upset that i didnt tell her that i wanted a transfer. Now i feel terrible and have to endure this atmosphere for the rest of my time there which could be a while! Anyone any advice please,its making me dread going to work every day now! :cry:
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Postby DiamondAngel » Mon Jan 15, 2007 6:39 pm

First of all HI!!!

That is a nasty situation to be in. I can totally understand why you dred going in now. I would not suggest telling the girl how much she infuriates you as this may make matters worse... especially if she sees you as a close friend. Perhaps when she asks you why say it is for personal reasons and you would appreciate not being questionned about it. But what your boss did was wrong...although I am sure was done in the best interest and not meant to cause problems. When you say you will not be moving for a while how long are we talking? Is there no way you can spend less time around her until you move? Perhaps try talking to some new people...even if it doesn't work out that they become your best friends you will have a change in scene...and that way even if the girl follows and tries to join in she wont be able to talk about herself with others present.

She is probably only doing it because she feels insecure and doesn't even realise she is doing it. But if anything is causing you this upset then it cannot be ignored. I think what you did by asking for a transfer was the right thing to do so well done! =D>

Just guess the only advice is try to avoid being with her all of the time...talk to new people...even if nothing comes of that you will be moving on soon. I would also say dont tell her why you want to move because it will only make things worse.

Hope it has helped a little.

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i feel abit better

Postby katie007 » Mon Jan 15, 2007 7:08 pm

Aww I feel abit better already so thank you very much for your advice! Unfortunately i could be there for days/weeks/months as they need to find another vacancy for me! When my colleague questioned me about why i wanted to transfer i just told her it was because i was fedup and fancied a change and that i had never really settled in there but i dont think she believes me :^o I got the impression that she was waiting for me to elaborate on the matter! its also akward to stay away from her as we work together closely and we are the only ones there the same age but i will try and talk to other people abit more. I am just worried about the atmosphere being strange now as she always thought i was happy enough working there with her....I'm not very confident in these situations and if i keep my distance from her because i feel uncomfortable i am just going to look like a complete cow in front of my other colleagues who are also her friends. (shes probably the most popular person in the place) :-?
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Postby DiamondAngel » Mon Jan 15, 2007 8:18 pm

I can understand that it feels a little isolated. Perhaps you should try talking to her in a group with her other friends too instead of one to one. that way you wont have to focus on her talking all of the time and it wont look like you are ignoring her. In the long run though it probably wont be too long until you move on and then you can forget about all of this. So i hope it is not too much longer and that you dont have to endure it any more!

ALL THE BEST :D
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Postby katie007 » Mon Jan 15, 2007 8:30 pm

Yes i think i will try and talk to her in groups of people at lunch time etc...and focus on the fact that i will be getting transferred....will try my best not to let her wear me down! thanks for your advice :)
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Hi im posting this because im down

Postby katie007 » Tue Jan 16, 2007 4:36 pm

Hi I'm posting this because i feel depressed and angry today. My boss spoke with my colleague again and asked her if she was sure everything was alright between us and my colleague told her yes and explained that she didn't know my reason for wanting to leave except that i was bored/unhappy etc....she also told her that she loved working with me and that she wouldnt want me to be replaced as im good at my job which i feel has swayed my bosses decision to move me elsewhere as she replied to her that there was no vacancies for me anyway.I'm so annoyed that all this went on behind my back and now i feel trapped :(
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Postby DiamondAngel » Tue Jan 16, 2007 6:12 pm

That is awful. They have no right to talk about you like that. It is none of their business why you want to move on...the only thing that concerns them is the fact that you are. Your boss is being very unprofessional and not behaving in a way that seems appropriate. Is there anyone higher up you can talk to? It is terrible if that has swayed your bosses decision.

Perhaps...it seems a big step...but perhaps the best thing would be to begin looking for work elsewhere. If they wont help you then help yourself sort of thing. Obv this may not appeal to you but to be completely honest I think you may be better off away from these people if they are causing such unhappiness. Think about it.

Sorry that they have got you so down! People should not be allowed to run your life like this. I hope you are ok now and that nothing more like this happens...but I do think it is time to assess all of the options. And remember that at the end of the day it is your decision where you work and nobody should be allowed to keep you somewhere you are unhappy.
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thank you

Postby katie007 » Tue Jan 16, 2007 7:56 pm

Thank you for your advice! I totally agree with you. I'm blaming myself now because i feel that i should try and get on with this girl and i am feeling guilty for not liking her. Also i didnt want to have to get a new job as i like my hours and wages and a job is hard to come by where i live but now i feel that the only way to keep my sanity is to look for another job or sign off sick with stress which i can't afford to do. :-?
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Re: thank you

Postby retrochav » Thu Jan 18, 2007 10:40 pm

My advice would be to bypass your boss and speak to personell (or human resources as they are called nowadays!) Explain how things really are, ask them to keep this to themselves, and say that you are finding the stress is impacting on your work.

Meanwhile, tell your "friend" that you wish to make the transfer as part of a wider change you had promised yourself in the new year. Reassure her that you value working with her (some lies are neccessary!) but need to try to make changes in your life.

If you havent a personell in the work place, speak to a higher person in management.

Ultimately, if this doesnt work, and you dont wish to change your job, you may find your options curtailed, as going sick could hamper your chances anyway.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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thanks retrochav

Postby katie007 » Sun Jan 21, 2007 9:10 pm

Thanks retrochav,i have thought about going to a higher manager but its putting me off as i have been told there is no vacancies for me so im kinda in limbo....i either wait til a position becomes available or i try and get a job elsewhere which isnt easy where i live. :(
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