Can't stop thinking about her . . .

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Can't stop thinking about her . . .

Postby Roscoe44 » Wed Jul 25, 2007 1:49 pm

I'm married with 2 young children, marriage is fine, kids are hard work, but nothing new there!!

I've been doing the same job for 5 years now, I'm working for the best boss I've ever worked for, the job is good, I like the people are work with.

My problem is a woman who has been in our department for a few years. I can't stop thinking about her.

Every time I have a conversation with her I over analyse everything, was I stood too close, did I say anything too flirty? I also have a lot of dreams involving her.

She has started getting rather close to one of our male collegues and I find it's making me jealous. I quite happily started telling people they were up to something together - but hey, it's nothing to do with me!! What they get up to is their business!! So why am do I behave like a jealous teenager!!

I've never been much of a ladies man, my wife is the only woman I've ever been with. I'm certainly not looking for an affair, and I'm pretty sure she's not interested in me that way so my question:-

Should I look to change jobs and get away from this, or is there a way I can get over this infatuation?
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Postby Weasley » Thu Jul 26, 2007 11:11 am

Hi Roscoe44.
Hmmm this can be tricky...I found myself in a similar situation a while ago when I started a new job. I found one of my male colleagues infatuating for a while but I guess that was meeting just meeting new people. I would never sway from where I know my heart truely belongs - with my fiancee, I guess it's just human nature to "window shop".
I don't think it is that much of a threat to have to change jobs, unfortunately I think that where ever you go there will be someone there that you find attractive etc. You say you love your wife and have no intention of having an affair so at least you realise yourself that there is nothing in it, which is a good thing! I would try and concentrate on work - that's what I did. I still talk to the guy but have gotten over the "lusting" stage, I guess it's all self control. I don't think a bit of friendly banter hurts anyone, as long as that's all it is. Don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe if this womans relationship with this other guy grows then this will confirm for you that it was just infatuation and nothing will ever come of it. I'd just say keep your head down. I get a little bit jealous when this guy at work talks to other girls - which is really silly, and I quickly realise this. It's just something that happens to everyone, you just have to learn to control it. Good luck and I hope my rambling helps you a little bit!
xxx :)
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Re: Can't stop thinking about her . . .

Postby retrochav » Fri Jul 27, 2007 12:09 pm

Theres nothing wrong in realising other people are attractive. Theres nothing wrong about having fantasies about them.

The problem comes when it becomes all consumming like this. You realise it is a problem as it is interferring with other aspects of your life. This leads me to think that life isnt the bed of roses you say it is. If you were completely happy you wouldnt notice this woman and her movements so acutely.

I would suggest that you try to build more into your domestic life, or find a hobby that you can enjoy. You need to have something positive to keep your mind open to all possibilities and not narrowly foccussed on this woman. Even if you decide there is no future in your marriage, there is nothing to be gained in chasing this woman.

You must make sure you dont spread any more rummours - they have a habbit of backfiring and could cost you your job!
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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