advice on nasty racist comments from a class fellow

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advice on nasty racist comments from a class fellow

Postby asianladyorkshire » Tue Oct 09, 2007 5:28 pm

hi, i dont know if this is the right section to post in! i have started a course and i'm the only asian guy in the class everyone else is white and i have to put up with racist remarks all day and funny lucks etc its made me upset and down and i havent been attending my course there is one girl in particular who is the worst she just cant wait to make a remark ive been very down
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Postby Pwif » Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:20 pm

I've always found that the people who dish the sarcasm, bullying, racist/sexist/ageist/homophobic comments etc are the sort of people who are so insecure in themselves, they have to have someone to look down on, because it makes them feel better. Whether it's at school, work, on the street, in pubs; you're always going to find people who have such a chip on their shoulders, they look for someone else they can dump their inferiority on.

You don't need that. Think about your good qualities; whether it's looking out for your family/friends, kindness etc. The people who may be making comments to you sound very ignorant (ie in the sense of not knowing/understanding people different from themselves). In this day and age, the UK is full of different colours of individuals, a variety of religions, men/women/transexuals, hetero/homo sexual people etc etc. The most important thing is your personality - who you are/how you treat others/whether you are a decent human being....

The point I'm getting to is that you have to hold your head up high, treat other people right, and do not tolerate any nastiness from other students on your course.

As far as the horrible woman in your course is concerned?? When she starts being horrible to you, why not (in front of her buddies), calmly ask her why she feels that she has to say nasty comments to you. Bullies do not like others standing up to them. She is definitely the one who has a problem. Please do not let her personal rubbish affect your education.

Post here again if you have any more aggro. We'd like to help.
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Postby londonguy » Tue Oct 09, 2007 10:51 pm

Nice post. I couldn't think how to word my advice. I was thinking that saying something aloud so as to highlight them would be a good idea. Although with me I either give them a verbal talking down, or go red raw and have to leave the room before I say something unprofessional.
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Postby Bel Bel » Wed Oct 10, 2007 9:36 am

I agree with PWIF. If you front her she will end up looking stupid
Also your education is too important to ruin for someone so small minded.

Have a few comments ready to fire back at her

"it's shocking how old fahioned your mind is for someone so young, we are a multi cultural society now"

"Does being nasty to me make you feel better about yourself?"

"I feel sorry for you if the only way you can get your kicks is single out the minority amongst us"

I think she will back off if you fight back becasue as PWIF says bullies hate to be confronted
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Postby pink stripes » Thu Oct 11, 2007 11:30 pm

yeah everyones nailed it on the head *if thats the right expression*

Bullies hate people standing up to them. Thats probably why they are doing it because up unitl now you have said anything - which is understandable.

Standing up to bullies is hard *I should know after being called four eyes and brace face* Its not nice so you need to stand upto them.

Dont let some petty minded girl ruin a great education for yourself :D

good luck :D *not that u will need it :D*

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Postby asianladyorkshire » Sat Nov 10, 2007 3:59 pm

ive just logged back in now. i did make the courage to go to college and there she was with her mate making racist comments she was very rude and they all join in with her. i couldnt take any more so had a word with the teacher. aint been in and as a result dont know what i'm supposed to be doing deadlines have passed and i dont know what to do. i try to wake up in the morning just fall back asleep dread going in.
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Postby lidopig » Sun Nov 11, 2007 12:00 am

Hi there Asianlad,
I feel ashamed for the behaviour that has been meted out to you.Might I suggest you ring the college,speak to your teacher and ask what has been done about your complaint.Laws have been broken here,and they have a duty of care to you to ensure that this sort of behaviour is not tolerated.You may or may not like to point this out.I know it's easy to suggest confrontation with your antagonist is the answer,but intimidation is hard to deal with,especially when theres more than one of them.Be brave and try out my suggestion if you agree with it.Good luck,I'm SO sorry.
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Postby asianladyorkshire » Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:50 am

thanks Nigel yes i agree with you! but its so hard like last night i said to my self right in the morning am going to wake up and go to college set the alarm woke up and again dreaded going in they make me feel so small if they dont say nothing its the looks they give you like im worthless im sorry im just so upset and feeling lonley i have no1.
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Postby Bel Bel » Fri Nov 16, 2007 12:29 pm

These people are the worthless ones, anyone who can treat another person so cruelly is so nasty
You are letting them rob you of your education and that's not fair
I know it's hard but once your have done a few days of ignoring them it will get easier to hold your head up high
Go back to the teacher tell her how it's affected you and ask her what ha been done to sort it out
Ask what you need to catch up on and ask for dealines to be extended if necessary
Please don't let them win
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Postby whoopsie » Sun Nov 18, 2007 1:32 pm

I wish I lived in York cos I would come to your college and sort this girl out myself!! How nasty. I was bullied all through school and then in college by someone who was supposed to be my friend. I am now strong enough and assertive enough to stand up for myself and I don't think bullies realise that once the victim has got through it, they come out much stronger and it's all thanks to them. You do not deserve to be treated like this, and i imagine the hardest thing for you to be able to do is stand up to her which is completely understandable.
If you feel like you can't stand up to her, definately speak to your tutor. They are the same as teachers and have an obligation to try and sort this. If they can't help, speak to the head of the department. There is someone in your college who can help you and no college or school tolerates bullying.
I hope I have said something that helps. Keep us all posted. Do not let some pathetic girl ruin your education.
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Postby asianladyorkshire » Thu Dec 13, 2007 12:31 am

hi sorry for the delay in replying i have been in to college a couple of times they have been there especially her with her funny looks and comments and its made me rather upset now im not in any routine cant sleep and no energy no confidence months behind with assignments no energy at all
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Postby peecee » Thu Dec 13, 2007 10:59 pm

Darling, I really feel for you, and I want to slap those stupid girls - but have you tried any of the excellent suggestions in your thread? You may have done so, but you haven't told us.

Update us, please! :)

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Postby asianladyorkshire » Sat Mar 29, 2008 5:59 pm

hey sorry for late response ive been a few times but got nasty looks and didnt go again my confidence is gone out of the window and i need to talk to someone but dont wanna type out on forum in case my annoymoty is exposed
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Sun Mar 30, 2008 6:49 am

Honestly, can't those girls just go get a life? They have nothing better to do - that's why they waste their time trying to get people down. :roll:

Well if you need to talk to someone, PM any of us around here - I'll be happy to listen. :)
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Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Mar 31, 2008 11:45 am

You are going to have to explain to a lecturer that the problem is still on going. Can you speak to anyone else higher up?

You have to believe in yourself. She's not worth your breath to be honest. She's the one that needs the help! Ignore her, it will let her know that she is not bothering you and she will eventually get fed up of doing it especially if you dont react to her.

As happy go lucky said anyone would be happy to listen. If you don't want to get anyone else involved why dont you write all of your feelings and thoughts down on paper like in a diary or write them down and tear them up.
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