How much sympathy does one need?

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Postby TheSaneOne » Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:10 pm

Well it has buildt up into bitter esentement now, basically on the way she was before and how even before the death she was rubbish and is rubbish still.

Anyway I spoke to my boss and told him that the atmosphre and the resentment (not those words) to a degree were making me unhappy and miserable. I said I am worried saying anything to her as she gets upset. I was a bit short with her today and she got upset. I told him I was worried about a complaint as she seems a protected species. he didn't promise to do anything, what can he do, but at least it is over to him now.

I know in many ways the fault lies in myself but I am just fed up and want to be left alone in my job. I will exchange civil nicietes but apart from that I don't want to know. The boss said his wife is sick of hearing him complain about the woman at work for the past 6 months. I am hoping the wife may back me up a bit cos at the moment I feel anxious and annoyed and I;ve had enough.
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Postby Bel Bel » Tue Feb 05, 2008 2:48 pm

If you are really that miserable maybe you should leave, after all more of your time on earth is spent at work than anywhere else.
Forget her pushing you out and why should I, at the end of the day you are unhappy and your boss cannot do anything without risking an unfair dismissal case so your stuck with it for a while.
The only thing that might make things better is help but she will still be there too
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Postby queenieplum » Tue Feb 05, 2008 3:48 pm

Yep - I think you are being incredibly insensitive to the poor girl - my cousin died and left his young wife with a baby a couple of years ago and that is something she will NEVER get over. If you are unhappy at work, then speak to a boss about the workload. Or if you are unhappy in your job anyway, just leave and find something different.
I am sure if the ball was on the other foot and you lost someone you loved then you would be expecting some sort of sympathy from your co-workers. Unbelievable!
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Postby hunibuni » Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:01 pm

this thread gotta be a joke
no one s that insensitive

wind up thread
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Postby TheSaneOne » Thu Feb 07, 2008 12:30 am

No. it's all true. I am actually THAT insensitive. It really, appears, I am.
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Postby Pwif » Thu Feb 07, 2008 9:10 am

TheSaneOne wrote:No. it's all true. I am actually THAT insensitive. It really, appears, I am.

You posted on PP for a reason. Were you expecting people to say to you 'ah hun, she should pull herself together', or were you genuinely looking for advice?

Not one person on PP has supported your hardheartedness. There are two separate issues here. One is the quality of your colleague's work before her partner's death (which is something her boss should have sorted out - not you); the second is 'pulling herself together after her recent bereavement'. You've combined the two issues, and just appear to be resentful of your colleague whatever her situation. Whether she 'toughed up' after her recent bereavement or not, I sense you would still have an issue with her.

If you were genuinely looking for advice on PP, please read and reread this thread. You have a lot to learn about human nature. If you don't start having understanding and compassion now, I can only see a very bitter, lonely life ahead for you.
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Postby TheSaneOne » Thu Feb 07, 2008 8:32 pm

If you were genuinely looking for advice on PP, please read and reread this thread. You have a lot to learn about human nature. If you don't start having understanding and compassion now, I can only see a very bitter, lonely life ahead for you.


I thought it was a legit post. I may not be popular but this is what happened. Oddly I have taken some of the advice on board, but it is boring working with an tardy, absent, negative and draining person (not me by the way, hahahaha) and a yellow boss :-(
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Postby snail » Thu Feb 07, 2008 8:48 pm

Hey, if you really needed advice on the situation, then it is a legit post. I know we've been quite hard on you, SaneOne, but we think you're looking at it from the wrong perspective. And we do understand it makes work hard for you at the moment. If you have taken some of the advice on board, and got a few things off your chest, then hopefully posting on here has been helpful.
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Fri Feb 08, 2008 10:14 am

You're here to get advice, not to admit you're insensitive and all. It must be quite difficult working with her now but just put up with it and try to be more sensitive to other people's feelings. It's no use just saying you're insensitive.

If her work performance wasn't good before then it's not for you to sort that out, but your boss. Maybe one day you'll understand how she feels and you will welcome the sympathy. If you really think you can't put up with all this, maybe you should leave your job. Other than that, just be patient and kinder to her now, and try not to let your dislike of her get in the way.

Hope you get what I mean.
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Postby Yellowcoaching » Fri Feb 08, 2008 1:06 pm

Work on the empathy as the others have said this is an advice board rather than a place to almost brag about shortcomings.

I think you've had enough feedback to make it clear that your reaction is considered unacceptable to most. If you are looking to change as a result then great; but otherwise you're going to come across as the kid in the playground who yells "I'M OBNOXIOUS!!" and expects a round of applause.
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Postby Cara » Wed Feb 13, 2008 10:13 pm

Thank Heaven everyone does not have your attitude, life would be one big misery, I guess that you are very young and have not yet experienced the heartache and pain that life throws at us.. when you do you will need some compassion, lets hope you get more than what you give this poor woman.

Office Bullying springs to mind.............
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Postby sovereign9841 » Fri Feb 15, 2008 1:46 am

The only anger here is from thesaneone, i dont think anyone can be that cold without a damn good reason & like some other comments i think its you that has a problem here.
Cold people generally have issues that stem from childhood, where they were forced to deal with something that they were not emotionally equipped to deal with, so your anger/coldness etc now is potentially just the past rearing its ugly head. Sometimes the issues come later in life, but i think your quiet young yourself, id say not above 25 (in fact id say younger).
I ask that does the rest of your office really think this or are they just agreeing with you because your generally a cold & angry person? i think this maybe the case, and i suggest that you look into why it is that you have no feeling or compassion rather than questioning other peoples problems. The root of all problems is generally at home (as in yourself).

(while i admit theres is a multitude of reasons that people are cold/angry people etc, the above mentioned is one that i am most familiar with, and one that seems to be most common, i do not pretend to think there is not a load of other things it could be)
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Postby TheSaneOne » Tue Feb 19, 2008 8:38 pm

I found out some furthe information....they were only dating for 2 months, not 2 years. Now whaddya all think? BTW I am mid-thirties with a husband and child.
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Postby Pwif » Tue Feb 19, 2008 8:47 pm

TheSaneOne wrote:I found out some furthe information....they were only dating for 2 months, not 2 years.

BTW I am mid-thirties with a husband and child.

It doesn't matter if they were dating for 2 months or 2 years. YOU thought, told us, and based your post on them being together 2 years. And your attitude was that she was at fault. :evil:

TheSaneOne wrote: "Now whaddya all think?"

I still think your post stinks, and that you think by changing the goalposts of this problem, PPers will suddenly have sympathy with you. I don't.
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Postby TheSaneOne » Tue Feb 19, 2008 11:18 pm

I am not looking for sympathy, but can say I did not expect the holier-than-thou responses I received. Suppose it proves that it takes all types of people to make up the world!
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