in love with a guy at work part deux :(

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in love with a guy at work part deux :(

Postby spacegirl » Wed Feb 06, 2008 3:12 am

AGES ago, in fact after looking through my posts, a year ago today strangely enough, i posted about a guy that i work with that i had started to develop really deep feelings for. he has a longterm girlfriend who he has lived with for about a year, and i had accepted that he and i were never going to happen and somehow managed to suppress any feelings for him. i took the very sound advice of ppl from PP and distanced myself from him, and just kept a working relationship with him, even though i have always been attracted to him. anyway, i just got on with things and tried to ignore what i felt for him, even though at the start it was very hard.

but now... last week we were having a very stressful day in work, and at lunchtime we sneaked off to the bar for a quiet drink to get out of the office. we were just sitting chatting for ages, and ran way over our lunch hour and we weren't talking about anything in particular, just bands or gossip or something... and he all of a sudden turned to me and said "ciara (his gf) and i have been going out 6 years. i wish i'd met you 6 and a half years ago. things could have been very different." i was completely gobsmacked and just laughed it off and told him not to be silly, and he got embarrassed and changed the subject, and all of a sudden he noticed we had to get back to work. nothing more was said the rest of the day but at the end of the day before we left he came over and put his arms around me, kissed me on the forehead, and sort of... held me for a bit. it sounds like nothing, but it just opened up this whole can of worms... and now i'm going mad as all these feelings have resurfaced again, and i'm wondering if he likes me etc etc. he could just be having trouble with his girlfriend at the minute, he's not gonna all of a sudden give up on a 6 year relationship. I've also started seeing someone recently, he's actually here now but i can't sleep as i have it in my head that i don't want this guy here, i want the other guy. I'd asked to be transferred to another department but the office manager couldn't move me as i'm needed where i am.

is it crazy to start looking for another job because of this?
not if you were the last dandy on earth
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Postby Ogadai » Wed Feb 13, 2008 11:30 am

ask him about it during your break, it could help and if he says anything similar again ask why he's not happy with his current gf, for all you know he could prefer you to her. if he says he wants to be with you then i'm afraid it's your choice as to which of the two guys you prefer.
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Postby sovereign9841 » Fri Feb 15, 2008 1:33 am

Ultimately its up to you if you decide a change in jobs is warranted or not, but i would ask you about his choice of words "why couldn't i have met you 6 years ago" that to me implies that he has no intention of changing his current situation (not right now anyway). It's not so much of a negative comment, more a static one that doesn't imply any potential or inclination for change, almost wishful thinking. Next time your out together maybe bring it up and ask why he said it? I think you need to confirm that there is no potential before you go and do something as drastic as a change of jobs, or maybe explain to your boss that a change of office is required as if you cant do that you may have to change jobs?
A sticky situation, and i wish you well for it.
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Postby Bel Bel » Fri Feb 15, 2008 1:58 pm

SOVEREIGN984 is right.
Also what he is saying is he has been with someone for 6 years who he doesn't wholly want, that's not very nice.
If he really wnated to be with you then why hasn't he ended his current relationship
All I can advise further is don't become the other woman for you own sake
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