affair...

Got a problem with your workplace or one of your colleagues? Thrash it out here.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

affair...

Postby starglitter » Sat Feb 23, 2008 10:25 pm

i know u will all judge me as a bad person but i really fell for this guy at work who is married. we got drunk at the christmas party, told each other how we felt but knew it was for the best nothing happend a few weeks later we started txtn, just stupid banter then he asked me out for a drink. i knew it was wrong but there was sumthing their that id never felt befor with any1, he's not a 'player' & is totally ablivious to any female attention & is not the type of guy who would have an affair & m not the type to go for sum1 who is spoken for but there was sum sort of connection between us... anyway we went out quite a few times over 2months and got on so well, we shared loads of interests & the chemistry was unbelievable. the thing is affairs are usually (apparantly) just about sex but it wasnt like that at all. we just enjoyed each others company. he told me life at home was not what is was & that he didnt love his wife like he used to. (he has been with her 10 yrs married 2)
his wife found out he was out with me but he told her that it was just that 1 time that he'd been out now there making ago of it again, he told me he has to many financial difficulties to leave her etc etc & still wants to be friends with me at work only i tried to ignore him as i have loads of feelings for him & know that what we had will never be again only he still sorta flirts with me and i find it hard as i like him alot and dont know what to do. why would he stay with sum1 if he doesnt love them? he keeps saying who knows in a few month, years etc u never know what will happen but if he was really unhappy wouldnt he have left?
i just want an opinion from sum1 elses perspective, i know that i shouldnt have gotn involved but it felt like there was sumthing betwwen us that was different.
starglitter
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:28 pm

Postby Yellowcoaching » Sat Feb 23, 2008 10:51 pm

I know it hurts right now but please believe me when I tell you that it is far better that this has ended sooner rather than later.
he is using the oldest lines in the book, his wife doesn't understand him, things aren't what they were, he'd leave her if he could.

You deserve a man who wants to give 100% of himself to you and this guy isn't it.
Leave well alone be professional but distant and don't get drawn in to this again no matter what he says. He is married and has made his intentions clear, he is with his wife. If she couldn't trust him what makes you think you can?
Last edited by Yellowcoaching on Mon Feb 25, 2008 1:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
You only get one life; I can help you make the most of it.
Yellowcoaching
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 148
Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2008 1:29 pm
Location: Northants

Postby morris mouse » Sun Feb 24, 2008 12:08 am

I agree with "Yellowcoaching"
ImageImage
User avatar
morris mouse
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 833
Joined: Wed Apr 27, 2005 2:35 am
Location: Scotland
Gender: Male

Postby peecee » Sun Feb 24, 2008 12:56 am

Honey, adding to Yellowcoaching's post; if you get into something like this, you will end up the loser.

Men DO stay with their wives, and women do stay with their husbands, even if they don't love each other any more - because after a while it's the easiest option for them.

You think that if you get together with this man, it won't be like all the other married men who have affairs, this one really loves you. And in fact, he actually might really love you. But you will keep waiting for him to leave his wife, and he won't. You will believe you can get out of it any time you want to - but you can't. You will spend holidays and other big days without him. You will start realising that time is whizzing by, and wondering if you will ever have time to find someone else and have children...

It's hard for you to imagine it if you haven't been there, sweet pea, but I strongly urge you not to go there.

Lots of love

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
pee
Shine your light and let the whole world see.
User avatar
peecee
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5643
Joined: Fri Dec 17, 2004 1:24 am
Location: hard to say
Gender: Female

Postby HappyGoLucky » Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:55 am

This should end sooner than later. He is married and has two children. How will this affect his two children when his wife actually finds out about you two if this is continue? You will be hurt in the end as he probably wouldn't leave his wife.

You are not a bad person. He shouldn't play up to you like this. You've probably known your husband for a longer time than this man and he has known his wife longer than he knew you.
Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get!
HappyGoLucky
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 816
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:53 pm
Location: On planet Earth.
Gender: Female

Postby sovereign9841 » Sun Feb 24, 2008 5:01 am

Having been in a similar situation, i can only 2nd what has already been said. Doesn't matter how much they tell you they love you (even if they really do mean it) wife & kiddies will always come first & they rarely walk away from them.
sovereign9841
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 64
Joined: Tue Dec 11, 2007 10:36 am
Location: Somewhere between heaven & hell

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Feb 25, 2008 1:03 pm

I actually think he obviously does love his wife that's why he is trying again
he lied to her and pretended you had only seen each other once, it is obvious from this were his loyalty lies
please don't waste anymore time on him
I believe you wouldn't normally do this kind of thing but i think he probably knew exactly what he was doing, he was just upset he got caught
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

Cheap Pandora Charms UK

User avatar
Bel Bel
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Fully Fledged Flatmate
 
Posts: 6758
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 1:58 pm
Location: Hertfordshire
Gender: Female

Postby starglitter » Mon Feb 25, 2008 10:53 pm

thanks every1. id never been in that situation before & would never go there again, it still hurts that he cud say so much yet his actions tell a different story. what i dont understand is how u can stay with sum1 if there is no love. i guess he was just useing all the lines in the book, i tried to end but he kept wanting more. he was really down at work as i was totally ignoring but that was getting in the way of our work so we decided to speak. he still flirts with me and does stupid things for me which (me being naive) makes me think he still wants what we had but i just wanna get on & over it. i spose its my fault for gettin maself in this situation just never thourt id feel the way i do :(
starglitter
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:28 pm

Postby kitten » Tue Feb 26, 2008 10:52 pm

peecee wrote:Honey, adding to Yellowcoaching's post; if you get into something like this, you will end up the loser.

Men DO stay with their wives, and women do stay with their husbands, even if they don't love each other any more - because after a while it's the easiest option for them.



I have to agree here. I had an affair a while back and I stayed with my husband. I did have strong feelings for the other person and its still hard at times.

But after all I've been with my husband 9 years and that was a lot to throw away.

My husband and I have now worked things out and are expecting our first child.

So I'd end things now and concentrate on finding someone who can devote themselves to you 100%.
User avatar
kitten
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1451
Joined: Mon Jun 24, 2002 3:56 pm

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Feb 27, 2008 11:19 am

the thing is guys like this tend to now how to play a woman and tell her what she wants to hear so don't feel bad that he got you hooked just don't let him fool you again
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

Cheap Pandora Charms UK

User avatar
Bel Bel
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Fully Fledged Flatmate
 
Posts: 6758
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 1:58 pm
Location: Hertfordshire
Gender: Female

Postby harleywhitefort » Wed Feb 27, 2008 4:32 pm

Hi

Seven years ago I had an affair with a married man.

I heard every sob story going about his 'cruel, ungiving wife' and how he'd wish he'd met me years ago .... etc etc.

Believe me, he will NEVER leave his wife. The man in question in my relationship is still happily married and living with said wife in same house even now.

What a fool I would have been if I'd had waited for him.

Just a quick note from someone who's been there.

M x
harleywhitefort
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Dec 17, 2007 9:06 am

Postby Pastagirl » Wed Mar 12, 2008 8:55 pm

Hi, believe me you're not stupid. Men seem to have a way of making you feel sorry for them to get their own way. I got involved with someone at work who was seperated from his wife but in his head she was the one he wanted. He did all of the conducting and i foolishly followed. If you read my post 'Hurt and don't Know What to Do Next' you'll see that it is even a bigger mistake when the person involved is at work. I now work in a very strained enviroment because of him and his attitude. Men say what suits at the time. Ignore all his flirting however hard it is. If he has problems in his marriage he needs to address them and either fix it or leave her. Having an affair is not his answer, just makes it more likely that he will stay with his wife as he would have the best of both worlds.
I agree with others that say you want someone that wants just you. Do not get involved with married or even seperated men as they still have issues. Good luck.
Pastagirl
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Sun Jan 20, 2008 12:04 pm

Postby maninneed » Tue Apr 01, 2008 2:37 pm

From my own point of view, i didnt intend to get as involved with my colleague from work as i did, I knew all along of the risks that i was taking in getting involved but did so regardless. I always have and always will love my kids above anyone else and if im honest im pretty certain that this was a route cause in the ending of my affair.

I told my colleague that i loved her when i felt that i truely did, she told me she also felt the same. What we had was good whilst it lasted but now thats its over it somehow feels worse because of stuill having an emotional attatchment to someone you can longer be with.

It probably is for the best but it may take a while to feel that it is
dum spiro spero, spero melior
maninneed
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 40
Joined: Mon Jun 11, 2007 5:06 pm
Location: birmingham

Postby bunnikins » Tue Apr 08, 2008 1:11 pm

I am currently involved with someone who is married and have been for 12 years off and on - I am also married. I love my married partner in a totally different way to my spouse, they are totally different people and if they were joined together, they would make my perfect partner. My married partner has always been clear he would never leave his wife for me and I would never leave my husband for him as I know it would never work out, the problem is I feel like something is missing when we are not together. I get depressed thinking I may spend the rest of my life with these two people and have attempted to finish both relationships many times with no success, even changing jobs and moving house. I spend every day feeling miserable, and wake up sad every morning. Having an affair is not something I would recommend to anyone - I wish I also had the strength to give it all up and start again from afresh. Good luck and I admire anyone who finishes with someone who means so much and has the strength to stick to it O:)
bunnikins
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 40
Joined: Tue Apr 08, 2008 1:02 pm

Postby moving2spain » Tue Apr 08, 2008 8:53 pm

well i think it should end now. imagine being on the side of his wife. its awful how people do this. in my opinion somebody who does this to somebody else deserves to have it done back to them and will get there comeuppance.
u say he is not the type to have affairs and neither are you but you are beginning what could turn into a full blown affair!
sorry to be harsh but i was in a similar situation to the wife and i was well and truly messed up after that and wouldnt wish it on anyone.
moving2spain
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 61
Joined: Tue Feb 05, 2008 8:31 pm


Return to Work & Colleagues

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron