should i have kept her confidence

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should i have kept her confidence

Postby miaow » Fri Mar 28, 2008 4:26 pm

I work in education and a 'student' is due to sit a very important exam in a couple of weeks (exam will take half a day at least and she will have to stand and be grilled about her research). Its a very important exam and her future career will depend on it.

I thought she had nerves the other week but then she burst into tears and told me she was pregnant by her boyf (serious relationship) and she didnt want to keep the baby. I comforted her and listened until she calmed down. She was due to meet her director of studies (who i work for - this is why i know her) and obv was in floods of tears so i went into the director and said she wasnt well etc and that id rearrange the meeting for them both.

He twigged something wasnt right (she is excellent student who is always in etc for her not to come to a meeting - ill or not - is uncharacteristic of her). I was torn between telling him the truth and keeping her confidence. After sleeping on it i told him - he agreed that her state of mind etc could mess up her final exam. I am trying to persuade her to tell him, without pressuring her, as a) he is v supportive and it would go no further (he is medical doctor himself) and b) as director he may be able to pull strings and get the exam postponed without her having to pay any fees etc.

He has said it needs to come from her, rather than him approach the subject and her realise i've told him, but i think end of next wk if she hasnt told him he is going to have a gentle word with her., as her final exam is week after.

I just feel like im stuck in the middle and that i've done the wrong thing. I kept thinking about it in bed last night -should i have told him, should i have tried to persuade her to tell him before i did. If she told him it would makes things easier for her exam wise and the director is a genuinely worried for her.

I guess i just want ppl's views as i am feeling really guilty about breaking her confidence, although i am going to try to persuade her to tell him herself.

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Dont Worry

Postby SOPHIELO » Fri Mar 28, 2008 4:31 pm


You musnt worry about this situation, oh yes people dont get in it very often but it isnt rare. You just need to sit down with the girl and discuss her options.

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Postby all_apologies » Fri Mar 28, 2008 6:01 pm

Try not to dwell on whether you were right or not; I don't really think there's a clear answer in situations like this. You went with your instinct and did what you thought was right for the girl, and the fact that you care so much is admirable.

Have you let her know straight out that you think her director will pull some strings if she tells him? In most universities or other educational establishments, difficult personal circumstances can be grounds for changing deadlines, pass marks etc. Maybe you could encourage her just to tell him she's having a rough time without actually saying she's pregnant. It would then be up to him to ask for more detail from her without it seeming suspicious.
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Postby Bel Bel » Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:37 am

I agree with all_apologies
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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