Should i say anything?

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Should i say anything?

Postby Beckie » Thu Jul 03, 2008 12:18 am

Hi,
I love my job and i've worked there for over a year, but just lately something has started to bother me. I work with several of my friends, and one of them has recently become really patronising and arrogant towards me. The friend in question doesn't seem to think they're doing anything wrong and i have mentioned it before, but wasn't taken seriously. Our manager himself told me to just rise above it and my friend found it amusing that i cared, claiming it was "just a laugh". It makes me feel really stupid and then i feel angry and i can't get on with my job because i'm wound up. My friend is generally a good person who i really like and get on with, but its getting to the point that when we are together socially i don't feel the same because i can't just forget how i feel about this person when we are working together.

There has also been other incident at work recently that I don't really want to mention, but it has basically added to the feeling of me being really useless and underapreciated even though i know i'm good at my job.

Is it me? Am i just being over sensitive? I do have a good sense of humour but i don't see how this is a joke. Other people have commented that he's got an attitude but yet it goes on.

:(
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Postby Bel Bel » Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:37 am

Without examples of what he is doing it is hard to comment

As it is a guy could he be showing off because he fancies you? I know this might sound odd but i've seen it a few times before
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Postby Beckie » Thu Jul 03, 2008 6:26 pm

I would think that was possible, only he's close friends with my boyfriend and he introduced us and pretty much fixed us up; but i suppose that was a while ago and doesn't really mean anything now so that is something to think about..

one example i can think of is when he commented that i walk around work looking stupid waiting for someone to tell me what i need to do -which I never do as i've worked there for ages and know exactly what to do. And he says things like "i suggest you get on with that.." and "If i were you i'd do this..." and "Have you done that properly?" as though he's my boss or something. I know its not overly mean, its just irritating. He doesn't smile or laugh when he says this stuff, he says it like he's completely serious.. maybe he isn't but how am i meant to know? He's just generally full of himself, and what makes it worse is that outside of work he's one of the most genuine people i know but due to work i'm losing sight of that..

<3
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Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jul 04, 2008 9:23 am

Next time he says anything like that shot back with a firm repsonse such as

I am quite capable of deciding my own priorities, you concentrate on your self and i'll look after myself

You obviously like acting like the boss but your not so zip it becasue I don't take instructions from you

I think he still likes you and that is part of the problem. You say he is arrogant so he is probably trying to show off to others too.
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Postby snail » Fri Jul 04, 2008 12:11 pm

Could he possibly be angling for promotion? Perhaps he's trying to act like the boss so that anyone looking to promote a member of your team will think "Wow, XXX is already naturally taking on the role of supervisor. He'd be the obvious choice to be moved up".

I'm not sure about him fancying you - if he's only like this to you at work then it must be something specific to that environment. The other possibility is that he fancies someone else at work, and is trying to impress HER. Overall, I'd say the behaviour you describe sounds like he is trying to impress someone. The question is, who?

If it were me, I think I would handle it by ignoring it as much as I could - I don't think I'd come back with any aggressive comment as it will probably add fuel to his fire. When he made a comment I'd look at him with mild surprise (to make it clear I'd heard) and then completely ignore it (to make it clear it was inappropriate and as a considerate person I would just pretend I hadn't heard it). Don't get wound up - he has the problem, not you. Feel a bit sorry for him.
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Postby Beckie » Sat Jul 05, 2008 3:56 pm

thankyou both for your advice x

I think the idea that he could be trying to impress the boss makes a lot of sense. He is really over enthusiastic which wasn't something i thought about before but if you think of it like that it makes sense..

As it happens i got talking to a few people last night and I'm not the only one who feels this way about him- and at one point we were all just a group of friends really, so it must have taken a lot to get people so worked up. I've decided to ignor him when its not too bad but start defending myself a bit more when he goes too far.. if other people agree with me then i know for sure that i'm not just being sensitive. I was worried about arguing with him at first in case other people turned on me for being petty :roll:
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Postby suck0sess » Sat Jul 05, 2008 4:18 pm

I used to work my weekends in a club and did the same thing,
both to get quicker promotion and to test the water with women,
but I wouldn't have done it with anyone who I knew could have taken
it the 'wrong way'.

I was quite tactful, he possibly was not!

Tell him what no-one told me.... get lost!

good luck and push for promotion.
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