Nasty woman at work, shall I confront her?? :(

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Nasty woman at work, shall I confront her?? :(

Postby stressball » Tue Jul 08, 2008 9:58 pm

Hey everyone :) Just wanted some advice If I could....

I'm gonna sum this up best I can: I have been working for a new company for a couple of months so still a bit of a newbie, there is a woman of about 55 working there who I have to work very closely with.

She has very high and low mood swings, and basically how my day has gone revolves on her mood, i.e. if she is in a bitchy/ignoring mood she will make my life hell, but she can at other times be like your best friend.

Well I am in my early twenties and in the process of buying a house with my boyfriend, im really excited and have been telling my other colleagues (mainly male, dont know if that makes a difference!!) I'm realy excited about it, she has stayed quiet throughout the whole thing, not asking me how its going or whatever, so i havent mentioned it in front of her in case i was annoying her for some reason.

However I find out today she has been saying really nasty spiteful things behind my back saying its the wrong time of year to buy, who does she think she is, its all gonna go wrong, why is she doing it, etc.

Basically its really upset me, and I dont know what to do whether I should confront her or not - I know this is true because she is really nasty about other people although I try and not to get too involved.

Maybe its a jealousy thing, i dont know, but i just wondered if anyone thought i should mention it, or leave her to it, its really put me on a downer :(

Anyway thanks for reading!!

x
Last edited by stressball on Wed May 12, 2010 9:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Jul 09, 2008 8:37 am

You could have a word with some of the people that she has been talking to you about and find out exactly what she has been saying! Yes it may be the wrong time of year to buy a house but at the minute that is true of ANYTIME of the year. If you want to buy a house go for it, wrong time of the year or not.

She may be jealous that she cant afford to buy her own house now OR that when she was yuor age things were different for her and she sees you have an easier life now then she did when she was your age!

Good luck with it x
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Postby Bel Bel » Wed Jul 09, 2008 9:30 am

It sounds like she is the type who will just witch some more behind you back if you confront her
I would tend to ignore her when she is having one of her strops and try not to let it bother you
Actually with prices lower than for a while it is a great time to buy a house because once the market recovers you will benefit fom having extra equity in your house
Who cares what she thinks she is not an important person in your life, there will always be jealous and nasty people in life but you just need to learn not to care about their opinion
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Postby stressball » Sat Jul 12, 2008 8:29 pm

Hey dipsydoodlenoodle & Bel Bel,

Thanks for both your replies. I do agree with I shouldnt listen to what anyone else says, it's my life and I should do what i want and not listen to others :) Altho I always say ignorance is bliss, because if I hadn't of been told about it I wouldn't have got upset about it!! I now have told the person who told me not to bother telling me things like that because It only causes trouble!!

Thanks for your help both of you.

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Re: Nasty woman at work, shall I confront her?? :(

Postby whoopsie » Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:40 pm

stressball wrote:However I find out today she has been saying really nasty spiteful things behind my back saying its the wrong time of year to buy, who does she think she is, its all gonna go wrong, why is she doing it, and loads more.



Miserable so and so. I would go on about it in front of her just to annoy her now! Tut! It's none of her business. You've not involved her in the conversations! It's a really exciting (and I imagine stressful) time for you! You should be looking forward to it! Don't let a 'nobody' ruin that for you!

You are brave buying a house what with the way the market is! Good luck! x
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Re: Nasty woman at work, shall I confront her?? :(

Postby retrochav » Tue Jul 22, 2008 11:06 pm

I would be careful that others arent getting you to grind their axes! Why tell you what she has been saying - and what did they say back?

My advice is to note the comments, and if it carries on i would tell her that you feel its not a good way to work together. With a shot accross the bows she may well clean up her act. If not, speak with human resources about this as it could be construed as bullying.

Above all, focus on the fact that it is your life and you make the decisions that affect it - and its not for anyone else to run your life for you.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby stressball » Thu Jul 31, 2008 9:19 pm

Hi everyone,

Just wanted some more advice If I could please!! Well the situation has gone from bad to worse at work with this particular woman - my boss is away for almost 3 weeks (starting monday just gone) and monday and tuesday this woman has been making sarcastic comments and disagreeing with everything I got to say and basically winding me up.

Well things come to a head yesterday where there was myself, her and a girl we work with (she sits in the middle of us) talking about buying shoes. The girl we spoke to says she had loads and spends too much money and asked how many i had, I said i dont tend to buy many shoes and the other woman's reply was "well you should follow her example (meaning me) by not wasting ur money coz ur obviously not allowed!!" I snapped at this point and replied "please dont take words out of my mouth, she can do what she likes, its her life!!" not even said in a nasty way.

So the difficult woman gets up, storms off and slams the door with such a force it almost breaks it, and I know why, its because she didnt expect me to stand up to her like that which I never have done before. She ignored me all afternoon, slammed doors in my face and basically acted like a child (she is 56 yrs old,I am 22!!!!) Well the girl we were talking to we both get on with. I spoke to this girl yesterday evening and said to her "If (that woman) has said anything bad about me I dont want to know" because I'm the type who worried about it and cant sleep!!! Well she goes and tells me anyway that she went straight into a different dept of our company next door and said some really nasty spiteful things which I cant repeat on here.

Well unfortunately a few months back a new girl started working for us in this particular dept and we had a bit of an altercation about 6 yrs ago when i found my bf had cheated on me with her (something she has always denied) and we did not speak about it when she arrived and we got on as normal. But I mistakenly told this difficult woman about it as we got on well, and when she went next door to say things about me, she told this girl EVERYTHING that I had said about her, and even making things up.

Well this morning I went in, she completely ignored me again, and even the girl who sits in the middle of us says she also hates this difficult woman (the difficult woman boasted she had cheated on her partner when the girl had just been cheated on!!) was really pally with her, and didnt really talk to me at all so I felt so alone and unhappy I just wanted to walk out there and then!!

Well anyway I went to the dept next door and got talking to someone who I'm friendly with, and thanked her for not getting involved in what the difficult woman was saying, she said she understands how difficult she is, and thought it was outrageous that someone could be so spiteful over something so small and that I could chat to her anytime. I did feel a little better.

The only thing is i dont know what to do, as my boss is away for another 2 weeks (I am telling him whats going on as I feel victimised!!) and she kinda rules the roost, everyone is scared of her and agrees with whatever she says, and has even stole the girl I have lunch with so I have to sit on my own :( I feel so hopeless and bullied and I just want to leave and never come back. I just feel that she has ruined what should be an exciting time in my life where we are getting a new house and I just cant think of anything else but problems at work, ive already lost sleep and hardly eaten over the past few days, and feel it will only get worse :(

HELP!!!! :'( (Sorry It's so long!!!)

Stressball x
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Postby Bel Bel » Fri Aug 01, 2008 10:01 am

I think you have to hang in there for the two weeks
Make a note of all her unacceptable behaviour during this period (with dates and times) and previous incidents if you can approximately date them.
Don't get too petty or you won't be taken seriously.

Slamming doors in your face is the first one I would put down
Stirring and telling untruths about you to other colleagues

Someone needs to have a serious word with her a her behaviour is totally pathetic at her age.

However if you get upset you give her more ammunition. DOn't let her see you are upset and keep sticking up for yourself in a reasonable way. She may then stop using you as a target because it will make her look silly.

Hopefully your boss will sort it all out when you get back.
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Postby stressball » Fri Aug 01, 2008 9:33 pm

Hiya Bel Bel, thanks for taking the time to read through all that and reply :)

I thought of making a list of all the things as well, although I didn't know if this was being petty in itself. My boss has actually said to me before be careful of this woman, as she does have major mood swings and even he is scared of her sometimes, as are my other colleagues!!!

Well today i said good morning and acted all fine, she mumbled the same but I could tell she was being funny rather than being genuine - she tried including everyone else in a random conversation and excluding me, which didn't last very long, so in the end she went quiet and disappeared for about an hour or so before hometime so didn't have chance to say goodbye have a nice weekend etc. No idea where she went but she didn't say goodbye to no-one else either.

Others in next door's dept have actually come up to me today and asked if I was okay and have said they know what this woman is like which made me feel so much better - it just makes me feel so angry that everyone else is afraid to say anything to her about her behaviour, even my boss, and that she's been allowed to get away with it for years...I feel all of her anger and frustration has come out on me and I didn't deserve any of it - I'm the type of person who doesn't like upsetting people and If I do I get upset myself!!

I often think why me :( and then tell myself to snap out of it and that there are much bigger things to worry about!!

Anyway, thanks for reading :)

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Postby Bel Bel » Mon Aug 04, 2008 12:27 pm

I think she knows you are sensitive and she targets you for that reason, it gives her a bigger kick when she is affecting someone
As your boss has already warned you about her I don't think it would be petty to make notes of when her behaviour is unacceptable. You might decide not to use the list and just keep it for another time but have a chat with your boss when you get back and tell him how much it's affecting you.
He rally needs to have a word and hopefully she will back off then
If she does don't get rid of the list. Note on it you complained and then if she starts up again you will have all the history incase you feel you need to take it further
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Postby stressball » Mon Aug 04, 2008 6:47 pm

Hey BelBel, thanks again for replying :)

Well turns out today I decided to go straight in and see the person who is next one down from my boss who I also work with - we spent an hour and a half discussing the issue and he went through all the options, i.e. sweep it under the carpet, have it out with her, raise a grievance etc.

He basically said the same thing as my boss in that its just her way, but he also understands that it is unacceptable behaviour and that he will support me which ever option I wish to take up.

For now I have decided to make amends with this woman, she clearly tried to make it up with me this morning and i was completely neutral with her which I think surprised her a little, but I also found out she is having problems with her elderly mother and she spent most of the morning crying in the toilets whilst I was having my chat with my colleague, so I did feel a bit guilty!!

Well today she gave me a hug and said are we okay and I said yeah i suppose so, and she has been fine all day...although im wondering how long it will last!!

In the end I decided that i will still tell my boss when he gets back, as you have suggested, because although I have let it go for now, I will still remember what has happened, and you are right, I will keep the list for now because I have a feeling this isn't going to be the last of it!!!

Thanks for all your replies :) I'll keep you updated!!

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Postby anne1 » Thu Oct 16, 2008 1:16 am

To be perfectly honest, I think perhaps this is not as big a problem as it may seem.
Fair enough, she has her own opinion of the house market.. You are buying at a fantastic time. You are guaranteed to make a profit on your new home within 3-6 years and then step up to a larger property.
This woman sounds as though she has issues of her own and in your situation, I would tend to leave her to it. It's her problem, not yours.
You sound as though your other colleagues are more like friends. Enjoy their company, do your job to the best of your ability and above all, try not to stress too much. You'll have enough of that on moving day!
Good luck. X
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Postby stressball » Sun Oct 19, 2008 9:37 pm

Hi Anne1,

Thanks for your reply. You are right in saying this woman has issues of her own, her mother is really sick and she is her carer at the moment (this happened after the incident with me), and I have ignored her bitchy comments and she seems to have backed off a bit now, although she wouldnt talk to me for a whole day because i gave one of my colleagues a present on her birthday!!! She has even asked me how is it going with the house (in a fake way which i have ignored and answered in a normal way!)

Anyway, it seems okay at the mo, although I am kinda waiting for the trouble to start again...next time I hope I'll be more prepared and able to handle it better!

Thanks for your advice :) x
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