New co-worker... making me feel uneasy/annoyed [long post]

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New co-worker... making me feel uneasy/annoyed [long post]

Postby MissWorzel » Wed Oct 22, 2008 10:34 am

Here's a bit of background information:

I work in a VERY small office of a manufacturing company, originally there was 2 females (aged 43 and 50) who worked in the offices[my other two co-workers], and about 12 men on the production plant. I joined the company 3 years ago, fitted in nicely, worked with an amazing bunch of people, kept my head down and worked well. I managed to get a payrise and was very proud of myself.

Last year a new person joined (making that 4 females on the office) because the office manager had to shift her work load onto someone else and myself and my other co-worker couldn't take it on.

At first, everything was brilliant, she seemed like a lovely lady. She'd had a turbulent relationship with her husband, going through many splits with him due to his cheating in the past, but said she loved him and gave him another chance.

About 6 months into her being here, things started to niggle me, like she'd make comments that were innapropriate and of a sexual manner, and i noticed that the whole tone of the office became "smutty". Like she'd talk openly about sex and periods and breasts... things that were never discussed before she arrived.

We work closely with a transport company too, and one of the people who runs it comes into our office every couple of weeks to drop off things like invoices and to work through any transport issues we have.

She would always bad mouth him behind his back and make childish comments... but later it turns out she started an affair with this man, constantly emailing and texting him whilst at work and flirting insanely with him when he came over. She broke up with her husband, and then started a "relationship" with this man, telling myself and the younger of our other two co-workers not to tell anyone else. which we respected. Then she started telling us about their sex life... and them having sex 6 times a night, something that should not be shared in my opinion.

We also have drivers that come into our offices to collect delivery notes and load goods, and she makes smutty remarks to them too, making sexual inuendos 90% of the time. No surprise that comments about her being the office bike have been scrawled on a wall where the drivers congregate. Also comments about her and one or two of the drivers having affairs have surfaced... all of which she has denied.

Its taken a turn for the worst though lately, its apparent that she's talking about me and my relationship to the man she started an affair with [the one who deals with our transport]... Also she went through a stage of telling me she had a dream where they were engaging in sex acts on my desk, and would often refer to it.

Basically, [after all that rant]... i want to know how you would deal with such a co-worker. Shes driving me up the wall, making me dread coming into work because of the disgusting smuttyness thats now surrounding our office. Im too much of a chicken to say something to her because someone like her would probably take it as im jealous of her etc.

Im thinking about quitting my job if something doesnt change soon.
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Postby Bel Bel » Wed Oct 22, 2008 11:21 am

if she is smutty and others join in and laugh she will continue, if she is ignored then she will probably stop the comments
i doubt there is anything you can do to stop her sleeping with people
why is it apparent she is talking about you and your relationship? and if she is are you to blame for telling her stuff or is she making stuff up?
when she makes comments you don't like try to ignore her or if they are really offensive, like the desk thing, you need to say i really don' t want to hear things like that.
At the end of the day if you leave how is to say there won't be another person just the same at the next place?
telling a manager will probably just make her angry you are better off trying to deal with it
how do the other female workers feel about it?
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Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Oct 22, 2008 3:09 pm

She is probably enjoying the company of all the male staff you work with thinking she is the bee's knees. I also work in a male dominated industry and you do find that some of the women behave like that. It is because we are the minority therefore we have all the "male" attention - which as you know isn't true.

Speak to other female staff and see what they think? It may that you have to go and speak to your boss confidentially about the matter and he can have a word with her and see if it calms her down.

I think she's just doing everything for the attention and to make herself stand out from the croud that bit more.
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Postby Liquidius » Mon Oct 27, 2008 12:31 pm

At the end of the day, "smuttyness" is down to matter of opinion. She may not see that what she is saying is upsetting you so much.

For example, conversations about breasts, periods and sex wouldn't seem wrong to me if I were in a small office, with two or three other people I knew fairly well. If I were to start talking about these things in front of suppliers or driver that'd be a bit odd, but just within the office, I wouldn't see a problem.

I think you need to talk to the other people that you work with, and see what they think. Maybe you could all talk to her together, and just tell her that her behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable.

If that doesn't work, you should definitely go and see your manager.
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