another venting session

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another venting session

Postby everloney » Thu Jan 14, 2010 12:30 am

So as many of you know, i am having a tough time getting along with my boss. He makes me feel stupid because of the way he belittles me. I had a word about me having so much time off last year and to be honest he had a point, I was just fed up and i miss england and my friends and family so took longer at xmas than i should of. So now i have been trying to arrange a meeting with him for the last week to discuss plans for my research this year. He never seems happy with my work and so i put a research proposal together so we can talk about my research plans and see if he approves before i move forward with it. Problem is he keeps canceling the meetings on me, he cancelled four times already this week. I am ment to have a meeting with him now about it and he told me 5 minutes and he just left to go talk to other people in my lab. arrrghh i am so annoyed at him, i dread meetings with him because all he does if put me down and make me feel jelly, so this dragging it out is killing me.

The problem is i can't really start anything until we have a meeting because i am afraid he will tell me to drop my ideas! so i am left to read and worry. I just want freedom from this situation, i mean its making me think i don't want to do science anymore. The problem with that is i don't know what i would do instead, science is my life, its who i am. My old boss is writing a grant and naming me on it, but theres only a 10% chance of him getting it, i am just so desperate to go home. I feel really isolated and lonely. I know i can't just leave, i can't give up it is not my nature. This situation with him just really upsets me and makes me think i am not a good scientist.
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Re: another venting session

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Jan 14, 2010 1:31 pm

Is there no one else you can contact in regards to getting a little help? I had a guy like this at uni and I got an extension but it's not the same with work and uni; I guess you can just keep scheduling meetings with him OR maybe if he gets the train or something into work get the train in with him so you can at least talk to him?
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Re: another venting session

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Jan 14, 2010 2:23 pm

Is there really no way to come and get another job in the same or even similar arena even if it means it takes you longer to achieve what you want?
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Re: another venting session

Postby RagDoll » Thu Jan 14, 2010 4:49 pm

Whilst I don't really have that much advice to offer, I just wanted to post to say I know how frustrating this kind of thing can be! I have a useless manager and whilst he doesn't actively belittle me, he does it in quieter, less obvious ways (e.g. by not giving me work which is in the least bit challenging and sometimes not giving me any at all - makes me feel totally de-valued). Last year he re-arranged my appraisal 4 times when I desperately needed it to iron out some of the issues I was having and to try get him to give me some work. Anyway, I'm not trying to make this about me, just say that I understand a little of how you feel :)

Is there any chance you could just go and speak to your boss without arranging a meeting? If he has an office you could just knock on his door and ask if he has 5 mins to go through your proposal with you as you can't really progress until you've had a steer from someone? Alternatively, is there anyone else you could ask for guidance - perhaps someone whose roughly on your level whose a high achiever, or even the person above your boss?
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Re: another venting session

Postby everloney » Thu Jan 14, 2010 8:36 pm

Hey guys, thanks for your replies, he finally had a meeting with me. I think it killed him but he did it. It was ok, i mean not great but ok. He asked if i was thinking of moving back to the UK and i was honest and he said, well we need to get you a paper then. Which is what i have been thinking, so i am pleased to know hes on the same page and thinking about me alittle bit. Although it was the same as very meeting i have with him, he talks over me and never lets me finish and by the end of the meeting i am fairly tired of him. Its ok though, hes oked half of my proposal and so i am going to move forward with this. I just have to work harder and keep on trying. If i get a paper from here, it will really help me get a job back in the uk. Thanks for your replies, it really helps me to vent.
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Re: another venting session

Postby snail » Thu Jan 14, 2010 9:03 pm

Good result :D
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