Wedding Etiquette in inviting certain work colleagues

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Wedding Etiquette in inviting certain work colleagues

Postby stressball » Sun Aug 29, 2010 4:39 pm

Hi All, not sure if this is the right section but here goes!

I have a bit of a conscience struggle regarding inviting certain work colleagues to my wedding in April next year. I work in a small company (50 people in total) more specifically in the accounts dept. I also work closely with the sales dept next door, who are mainly girls the same age as me. A few months ago one particular colleague in Sales and I were very close, but she started being strange with me for no reason, was not exactly happy when I announced my engagement and has now started excluding me from other colleagues' social events outside of work. (i.e. not inviting me on purpose then bragging what a great time she had afterwards) Therefore, I am not going to be inviting her to our wedding. The question is, it is proper etiquette therefore, If I exclude her, I am to exclude the other girls? I don't know for sure, but I think they talk about me behind my back and they are very close to the girl who's trying making my life a misery at the moment. I know for a fact any social event is kept quiet so therefore I think they are ALL in on not inviting me for some reason. I am not exceptionally close to the other Sales girls, but I know they will be REALLY offended if I excluded them as they were talking about arranging a hen party for me with "just work colleagues" (i said i didnt want this and they said they'd do it anyway!!) so i think they are expecting to be invited!

Also, If i do exclude them all and just say I am inviting accounts, this is not the case as I will be inviting 3 people from other depts in the company who I get on really well with.

How do I handle this situation? I don't want to cause offense to anyone - there are a few people in Sales who do not deserve to be excluded I'm sure but this is the only way I can think of that shows I'm not leaving anyone out (the girl who's making me miserable is exceptionally good at playing the "victim" and if I exclude only her, I will be sent to Coventry by everyone else!) Argghh!
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Re: Wedding Etiquette in inviting certain work colleagues

Postby snail » Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:22 pm

Stressball, do you want me to merge this thread with your previous one, Wedding Guestlist Issues? Then people can see some more background to the problem.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Wedding Etiquette in inviting certain work colleagues

Postby Jackie » Sun Sep 05, 2010 3:19 pm

Hi Stressball,
It's never easy is it? However the bottom line is that your wedding day is you and your guy's day, and only people who you feel are 100% behind you should be there. This girl sounds very fickle, and has written you off it seems cos you are not single anymore. That's not a real friend. AND she is has bithched about you to others. Do you want people like that at your wedding? If you don't want to cause unpleasantness however, why not be really upfront and stand up and say to everyone as a group at breaktime ot whatever, that you would like to invite everyone to the day but it's just not possible (due to expense or numbers or whatever) Could you extend an 'afters' invitation to them, that any of them who want can come in the evening? You could also say (to everyone) that you have ionly be able to invite a few people to the whole day who will represent everyone else! As for the hen party, maybe you could let them take you out for the night, maybe they just want to be involved in some way and in it's most positive sense, maybe that's their way of showing it. I would only let them go ahead with it when they know that you cannot invite them to the whole day. I suppose in that way you'll know if they are genuine about it! I think since time imemorial weddings have been one of those things where people will feel left out, and they just have to deal with it. Weddings are expensive after all. Anyway if you invite the bitchy people to the day, that's giving them the message that it's ok to witch about you, which it most certainly is not. But I always think saying things in abig group is good, if you say it to everyone, no one can accuse you of being unfair and its very honest. Say your piece, let people deal with it and if they're not happy with that sod them. It sounds like there are some nice people there anyway so stick with them. Good luck and let me know what happens! x
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Re: Wedding Etiquette in inviting certain work colleagues

Postby stressball » Tue Sep 07, 2010 7:32 pm

Hi Jackie,

Thanks for taking the time to reply :) you're completely right, a few days ago I felt a pang of guilt as one of the girls from that dept asked me how my wedding plans were going, but then proceeded to talk about a great night they all had without inviting me...and they have no idea I'm not inviting them to the wedding. Sorry to have caused confusion in my last post, - I meant i wasnt going to invite them to the evening either, because I have such a large family (as does my other half) we are not inviting work colleagues to the day, so any work colleagues we do invite will only be invited to the evening anyway. That's why I'm a bit funny about them throwing a party for me which I don't want, because they will not be involved in any way whatsoever.

You're right though, I shouldn't have people who do not care about us there - I just know my life at work will be made hell if I don't. Kinda wish I was more offish with them so it wouldn't matter but I can't be like that for no reason!

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