Strong Reactions!

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Strong Reactions!

Postby Jackie » Sat Sep 04, 2010 3:15 pm

Hi all,
It's been a while! I have just completed my first full week back at my job after a summer of freedom. Well not total freedom as I did spend 2 months of it writing a thesis. I have just finished an amazing but time consuming Masters which will hopefully allow to broaden my work horizons. While I was doing it, I felt like I had new perspectives on everything and I felt good because I had something extra going on outside work. I have been in my job for 8 years and there is one girl I work with who is supposedly my friend, as we sometimes meet outside work, and we have travelled togehter in the past. However I am not as fond of her as people think. When I am around her I feel stifled and I get a headache. She listens but does not really seem to appreciate or really take in what I say. I know I just dont feel relaxed like I do in other friendships, including work ones. In the past week I feel that my space is somehow been invaded. There is a project planned for later in the year and she asked me if I would like to get involved. I got involved with a similar project with her 4 years ago, and for the whole lead up which incolved fund raising etc I felt compromised and unheard. This girl is the eldest of a large family and I wonder if she is used to being the boss, as she can be quite bossy. When she asked me, everything in me screames 'say no!' but I just said 'maybe' and possibly indicated more interest than I felt. I have no idea why I just couldnt say no. She spent half an hour trying to sell it me, and the more she did, the more my headache grew as my interest diminished and I just faked it basically. In addition, there is another project that We have always been involved in together and out of courtesy I asked her if she wanted to go. It has worked in the past, but I'd really rather someone more easygoing went, and I think there are people who are probably more suitable. She responded by saying that we could do that or another project(a different one from above) and that we could toss a coin for it! The way I feel is she can go to hell, and that I will just go ahead and organise mine and see then if she will committ to it. Lastly I have a long lunch on a Friday, and I value my time away from work, bu a group of us went this week, and I stayed on. She said she also had a long lunch and said how great that was, that we could go for a long lunch every Friday. And my brain did a nrevous flip! But I just said 'Great!' I feel that If I am straight with this person, I will offend her and that will make work unpleasant. I wish I could be straught, as I feel this is consuming me on a weekend. I dont feel like this with anyone else, and even saying hello or making eye contact feels stilted. Is there something wrong with me? I'd appreciate your perspectives. Boy, it feels good to write all this. Thanks all for listening to me x
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Jackie
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Re: Strong Reactions!

Postby softsall » Sun Sep 05, 2010 1:06 pm

I have been in a similar situation! When she asks you to get involved in something why don't you say your going to try and work on something more independently. Or you could even try to reccommend another collegue that you think would be more suitable. In the long lunch situation I would just say I was working or that I had to speak to such a person. It's hard in work because you want to stay friends with people and not create an alkward situation!
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Re: Strong Reactions!

Postby Jackie » Sun Sep 05, 2010 3:04 pm

Yes I think I will try that. I think the bottom line is not wanting to create awkwardness in the workplace cos after all it's the place that you have to go every day and you probably see the people you work with more than anyone else in your life. I'll let you know how I go! thanks!
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