Two faced friend...

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Two faced friend...

Postby Weasley » Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:56 am

I have a little bit of a problem I could really do with some advice on. Here goes...
I have this "best" friend who I have known for around 10 years or so. We do nearly everything together, are always round each others houses and are always there for each other whenever we have problems with the fellas. The problem is she has always been a bit 2 faced. She is a couple of years younger than me so has friends that were in her year at school but she will sit there and slag them off to me something chronic and then be all sweetness and light to their faces! I can't understand it! Anyway, I just though let her get on with it, I don't really know these people enough to agree with what she says so I try not to say too much.
Anyway, I was out for a drink with my brothers girlfriend the other night who has recently become quite pally with my best friend. I like this set up as I get on well with both of them. Suddenly my bro's Mrs turns around and says "*** has been saying stuff about you, I thought I would let you know." Been intrigued by this I obviously asked what she had been saying and she had apparently been saying that she hates it when my and my fiancee argue as I always go running to her (well, excuse me, I thought that's what mates were for last time I checked and it's not like I'm not there for her, dropping everything when she turns up on my doorstep crying because her boyfriend wasted a fiver on poker nearly every weekend and me and my fiancee had had a bit of a rough patch but everything was fine now.) Also she is getting married in 2009 and me and my boyfriend discussed getting married but both decided to wait as we are saving up to buy a house next year and she apparently said I only mentioned getting married to do it first and in spite. Excuse me but I really didn't consider marriage as a race and that I was going to be the winner, dragging my train across the finish line! She also said that I only moved in with my fiancee because she did. Oh now come on, this is getting really pathetic now!

Anyway, I took it in my stride, I really didn't think my brothers girlfriend would make this up and then when my brother turned up he said that she had been saying stuff to him about me too! I couldn't believe it! My own brother! As if he's not going to tell me! Anyway, when my friend turned up I confronted her. She started to cry saying that everyone was against her and that I should believe her as I'm her best mate blah blah blah. Then she fell out with my brothers Mrs accusing her of trying to break up our friendship. I tell you, she put on some crocodile tears that night as I know deep down, no matter how much she tells me she didn't say this stuff that she did. And I know it shouldn't bother me that much but it hurts y'know that my best friend that made me feel so welcome when I first came to England should burn me like that? I haven't spoken to her since, she keeps calling and telling me she didn't do it and how my brothers girlfriend is making her life a misery and deep down I feel guilty but then the horrible side of me thinks "Hell, you deserve it! Maybe next time you will think twice before you open your big mouth!"
I guess what I'm asking is, what should I do? Should I forgive her? Make her feel bad before accepting her apology? What? I'm just really confused and I do miss her. My fiancee says I should leave her and forget her but I can't! It's so difficult!
Thanks for reading my very long post! I appreciate it!
xxx :)
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Postby Bel Bel » Thu Oct 04, 2007 11:39 am

This is hard becasue she may change for a while but I don't think she will long term.

It will also be difficult with your brother and his mrs too.

I am inclined to agree with your b/f and not waste anymore time on her becasue she doesn't sound like a good friend.

Alternatively you could have a differnt relationship with her, going out buddy only. Tell her no discussing problems just drinking pals. I fear she would worm her way back into your world if you do this though
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Postby Weasley » Thu Oct 04, 2007 11:43 am

I know what you mean, I don't think things would ever be quite the same again after this but it's just that you trust your friends with everything and who's to say she hasn't been spreading my deepest darkest secrets around too? I just can't trust her anymore and she doesn't seem to understand how much it's hurt me! She has just text me saying "Hey! Do you wanna go Christmas Shopping on Oct 30th in Liverpool with me?" and I text back saying "I can't, I'm going to the states for a couple of weeks (which I am!)" and she text back saying "Don't be so pathetic, you know this is getting old now. Just come with me, I want to forget all this." Yeah, I'm sure you do! Hmmm...I just miss her!
xxx :)
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Postby Bel Bel » Thu Oct 04, 2007 11:53 am

Then reply to her - I am going to the states if I didn't want to come with you I would be honest enough to tell you I just didn't want to come. At the moment I need to reconsideer our freindship so you need to give me some time to think about it.
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Postby Weasley » Thu Oct 04, 2007 11:58 am

That is a very good idea! I do think I need more time, maybe she will finally admit what she did and that it was wrong (maybe I am hoping for too much here?) I just want her to be honest with me and then say "I know what I said was wrong and I'm really sorry it hurt your feelings but...(insert explaination here)" In an ideal world that is!
xxx :)
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Postby Bel Bel » Thu Oct 04, 2007 4:38 pm

From how you ahev described her I don't thik she is going to say sorry. I think she is just hoping it will all blow over but it's too big a deal to just let go and I totally understand why your upset about it.
Your best friend should have your back at all times even if they don't agree with you. You can agree to disagree but you don't go slatting your friend to others
Enjoy U.S.A, which part are you going to?
I just been to Las Vegas and Hawaii for my Honeymoon - best holiday ever.
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Postby Weasley » Thu Oct 04, 2007 4:43 pm

I have been to Vegas a few times! Fantasic city but I've never been to Hawaii! I'm going to back to a small town outside Glendo in Wyoming to visit family. I'm really looking forward to it! Will take my mind off all this that had happening here. I'm so glad somebody can see it from my point of view, I was starting to feel guilty like I shouldn't be feeling resentful towards her. Thanks for your great advice anyway!
xxx :)
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