i suddenly find myself incredibly isolated.

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i suddenly find myself incredibly isolated.

Postby Miki24601 » Fri Oct 05, 2007 4:45 pm

Hi im a first time poster. In fact i registered soley in the hope i could find some help. However i believe some backstory is helpful before i plunge straight into my problem. I'm 18 years old and i just finished a two year course in performing arts at college. Instead of moving onto university i decided to stay on for an extra year and take dance as an A level. Of course everyone i know has now moved on and i've found it very hard to make friends. The few people i do know have seemed to draw away from me. I'm also doing Les Mis which rehearses on a sunday. I used to talk with one girl who's in les mis and my dance class but she wont talk to me anymore asides from a few sentences and only if i really force her too. I dont know the reason for this. I cant think of anything i may have said or done to upset her at all.
I've never been especially wonderful with people, being a little shy and on more than one occassion somewhat paranoid. I also have low self esteem and on some level i geuss i cant really understand why, if i cant really like myself why someone else should.
I've tried talking to some of the other girls in the upper sixth dance class but the last two times i tried to talk to one of them she told me to "shut up". Thats seems a pretty strong basis for and idea that she dosnt want to talk to me.
I do know one girl in the lower sixth class that i met in a show i did about a year ago. I thought we got on pretty well. But even she seems to be drawing away and prefers to talk to people shes just met rather than me.
I am a male in a primarily female enviroment so i dont know if that makes any difference. Theres only 3 other guys doing dance in the same college and 2 of them are gay. the other one is a big burly rugby player. The same one my "supposed" friend prefers to talk to over me.
I really dont know what to do. Everyone already has friends they brought from their old school and as such dont want or need any new friends.
Any help would be much appreciated
I also apologise for the huge wall of text.
If i think of anything else i'll post again.
Thanks in advance.
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Postby Bel Bel » Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:18 pm

Are ther any clubs you could join
AL9ot of people join clubs to meet people
Could you chat with the guy your mates seem to prefer and tell him your feeling a bit isolated, just letting people know may help them make more effort
Sometimes people are so wrapped up in themselves they don't notice others struggling
Don't bother with the one who told you to shut up, that is certainly not the kind of friend you need
Also can you still meet up with old friends out of college?
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Postby Miki24601 » Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:13 pm

Fraid not. There all at universities further away then i can get.

Oddly enough the girl who told me to shut up has been really nice to me recently. Maybe she was joking and i mis-read the tone? Thanks for the advice im gonna go to a new dance class and see if theres anyone i can be friends with there.

Ta very much guys.
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Postby Bel Bel » Tue Oct 09, 2007 10:38 am

She also could have had a off day and felt bad that's why she has made effort since
If you are snesitive you may take things in the wrong tone, like you siad
Good luck with the dance class anyway
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Re: i suddenly find myself incredibly isolated.

Postby retrochav » Tue Oct 09, 2007 11:33 pm

The fact that you are braving out low self esteem and shyness through dance shows that you are a survivour. You have much to be proud of.

Its possible that this girl has had the maturity to reflect and realise she hurt your feelings. I think trying another group would be a good practical idea, as it expands the chances of meeting more suitable friends.

Being a couragous person, why not try a whole new hobby or activity, where you meet a different circle. Drama and dance are great for self expression, self disipline and sadly also for self centredness on occassion it seems. I have heard from lots of people who found these places to be "clicky".

Voluntary work in a feild you enjoy can be a good way of meeting people who share a concern - plus it looks great on a C.V. Its an option open to you.

Dont give up on meeting good friends, they may seem rare, but thats what makes them so special.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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