Bad housemate issue :(

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Bad housemate issue :(

Postby Kollette » Mon Oct 22, 2007 4:41 pm

Hey (again) apologies for the seemingly never ending problems. I just wondered if anyone had any tips for me:

This year I am sharing with 2 other girls in a house. As we are all girls we agreed if we were going to go away at any time we would inform the others so that the other two could make plans and no one would be left in the lurch/on their own in the house for long periods of time.

Since making this agreement however, one of the girls has ignored everyone else and made her own arrangements, for every single weekend.

This puts me and my other housemate in a difficult position. The other housemate doesnt ever want to be left on her own in the house, and up until now my boyfriend and I have had to accomodate for the other girl leaving, meaning he comes to see me instead of me going to see him, or me staying here when I want to go away.

My boyfriend doesnt like this at all, because as of yet I have not been able to visit him and I have not seen his house yet at all. Its inconvienient for him to constantly be the one who travels, and while its made sense that he has been visiting me recently (as I was recently pregnant) he will not stand much longer for me not being able to leave because of this other girl.

When she first started doing this, I raised the issue with her. But she ended up taking everything I said the wrong way and getting really upset. She said she wasnt going to go home or have her (totally anti-social) bf in the house every weekend. I apologised and said I got the impression that that was what was happening, but if it wasnt and she was only going to use a few weekends a month then that was fine (as that means other people can leave for the other weekends). But since then she has been worse!

Last weekend, she found out that her Nan was ill and went home to comfort her mum. This is totally understandable. However, she is also going home this weekend (which has only just been announced) because her nan is ill. But she wont be seeing her Nan, or her Mum. Also the other housemate had planned to go home this weekend, starting on thursday till monday, and as they are both on the same course this is now what the other girl is doing. The girl who had planned to go is now feeling really guilty about going! But that isnt fair, she has already planned to work and booked things.

I feel resentful, because this gives me no time to arrange my own things now I know I'll be on my own. And because she has engineered to go thursday to monday ill definatly be on my own thursday and sunday nights as ill have to be here then because my lectures are different and she knows this but she doesnt care. I wouldnt have minded this situation if it was presented to me in a different way. But instead she text me the day I'd just been in hospital having an inforced miscarriage and she didnt even ask me about it. Since shes been here she still hasnt asked me anything about it or if im ok. For the whole thing actually she hasnt been very pleasent at all.

Im feeling really pants about the whole thing, and my other housemate was meant to be bringing it up with her today (as I already have and she just lied to me, she might listen to the other girl), but nothing has been said at all. I dont know what to do. I've had a very exhausting awful weekend and this is making me feel worse. I really want to say screw everyone else and Im going to do what I want on the weekends I want, like this girl has, but this wouldnt be fair on my other housemate.

Please please help!!!!!
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Postby lidopig » Mon Oct 22, 2007 4:57 pm

Hi Kollette,
It seems to me that you are the only one sticking to the original agreement.Therefore it's unreasonable for you to feel beholden to keep to it on your own.Short of trying to find alternative accomodation and moving out,I suggest you tell the other two, that as the agreement is not working,you scrap it and you all do your own thing at weekends.
I know it's not ideal,but it's fairest for you,and it gives your boyfriend a break as well :wink:
Nigel
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Postby usually_lost_girl » Mon Oct 22, 2007 9:52 pm

i agree with lidopig. if other people are only looking out for themselves you should only do the same.

I'm not sure of the whole situation but why don;t you want to be left in on your own? I live with a friend and we have totally seperate lives. Whilst we often make an effort to do things together we have totally seperate lives and often leave off for weeks without even telling eachother! It doesn't bother me at all - in fact i quite like having the house to myself he he!

It seems strange to make such a commitment to people who you don't really know yet, and it seems your all grown people with seperate lives so you couldn't all be expected to put eachother before your exsisting lives so soon.

I think you need to scrap the exsisting plan, but why don't you try arranging a weekend that you will spend together instead of arranging which ones you won't - it'll get you all together on a more positive note.
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Postby pink stripes » Tue Oct 23, 2007 11:33 pm

lidopig wrote:Hi Kollette,
It seems to me that you are the only one sticking to the original agreement.Therefore it's unreasonable for you to feel beholden to keep to it on your own.Short of trying to find alternative accomodation and moving out,I suggest you tell the other two, that as the agreement is not working,you scrap it and you all do your own thing at weekends.
I know it's not ideal,but it's fairest for you,and it gives your boyfriend a break as well :wink:
Nigel


Yeah I agree with what everyone has said so far.

At the end of the day why should it only be you sticking to the original agreement? Thats not fair on you
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