Selfish Best Friend... What can I do?

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Selfish Best Friend... What can I do?

Postby Axe_88 » Fri Oct 26, 2007 11:58 am

Hi, :)
I’m so annoyed at my so-called ‘best friend’. We’ve been friends for over 18 months now and she’s always been there for me through all the rough times in my life.

For example, if my mum & I argue, I call her and she’ll sit and listen to me & give me advice. Early last year I was diagnosed with an enlarged heart. It meant I had to quit college and my job and basically stop seeing all my friends until I stopped blacking out.
I was put on a strict diet & exercise regime and nine months later I was back to normal, the only thing that I have to watch is my heartbeat. Anyway, my friend helped me through all of this. She came up to see me with her boyfriend and we all had a laugh together, we’d go for car rides (I was sat down and if I did pass out we could go to the nearest hospital), play on games etc. She was amazing and so was her boyfriend. We all got along like a house on fire!! I was on benefits, as I couldn’t work etc, so couldn’t afford much, but as I was so ill on my birthday her and her boyfriend took me to a restaurant which was just awesome as I hadn’t really been out for weeks!

Anyway to the problem. Now I’m better I have been able to go out and I’ve had several girlfriends all of which I’ve loved and they just end it with me after 3 months. I did everything for these girls, treated them to presents for no reason just because I could, and bought them flowers. I treated them like princesses because I thought I was lucky to have such a girl going out with me. Anyway, after they ended it with me I’d ring my friend and she’d come through (she lives like an hour car drive away) with her boyfriend and they’d help me through my heartbreak.
About 4 months ago I met my Mrs Right. She was 2.5 years younger than me but we didn’t care. I’d never had anyone treat me to things, but she did. We fell in love after being with each other a week. After 3 months she ended it because she “needed space”. I was gutted. I rang my friend and she said she’d get through as soon as she could. I just remember thinking she’s never said that to me before, she normally comes straight through. It took her 3 hours to get here!! And when she did arrive, offered no explanation as to why she was late. I just wanted to tell her all about how wonderful my ex was, but she wouldn’t listen to me. She’d just say, lets put on a game or listen to music or go for a ride. I thought, why is she being so selfish? Then after half an hour, she had to go because she had to pick her boyfriend up from work!!! I never realised before, but he is coming between our friendship, I used to like him but I started going off of him at that point. How dare he take her away from me. She always just used to come through, albeit with him, straight away and stay as long as I needed her to.
Then I didn’t hear at all from her for like a week when normally she’d text or call. So I was getting annoyed at that. In the meantime, I’m calling and emailing my ex explaining that all couples argue and that I love her and I know she loves me. I did this everyday for 2 weeks and eventually I got a reply, all it said was “this isn’t giving me space”. My friend told me to stop, but I didn’t listen because I needed her to know how much I loved her.
I called her to tell her and all she said was basically “I told you so”. This got me so mad. I went around to my ex’s to try and explain face to face and found there was another guy there.
It was really late so I text my friend telling her my ex is with another guy she said stuff like, never mind there’s plenty more fish in the sea. I got super mad then, I shouted down the phone, I’m heartbroken and that’s all you have to say! She said I just had to accept it and move on and stop obsessing, that 3 months is nothing in a relationship, her ex and her were together 3 years had a house, when he cheated on her and finished (I didn’t know her then, she’s a couple of years older than me). Then she said “I’m gonna give you a bit of food for thought, when I told you I had to go see a psychiatrist you just paused and then carried on talking about your ex.” I told her not to turn this around on me, that I’m not self-centred. Then she made up some disease, saying she had been diagnosed with “bipolar disorder” and “borderline personality disorder” and saying she’s going to be on medication for the rest of her life and is going into hospital in a couple of weeks. She expected me to believe this!! It sounds ridiculous. She said she couldn’t cope “with what’s on her plate plus mine”. So I told her I didn’t need to know about her problems either. Then her boyfriend snatched the phone off of her and started calling me pathetic and that I didn’t have any problems, I just didn’t have a backbone. Then he started getting sarcastic saying how no one else in the world has had a broken heart etc. Then he told me to leave them both alone. :evil:
I’ve rang up the morning after and apologised to her because I don’t want to lose her, but I didn’t really mean it. I just want to keep her as a friend. Like I said she’s always been there for me.

I just don’t understand why she’s being so selfish! All of a sudden I’m not important! Do you have any advice on what I can do to so I don’t lose her as a friend, I need her!
Thanks, I know this is long but I thought I’d better include as many details as possible.
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Postby Xpose soph 07 » Fri Oct 26, 2007 1:15 pm

Hi ,

Iv just read everything you've said and kinda mixed feelings about both situations.

Sure your upset cos ur friend and you have fallen out...BUT

you said she's always been there for you, are you always there for her when she needs you? it sounds to me like she is sick of always being there for you, when you dont give her anything back in return. Its not that she doesnt care but sometimes when someone wants u there to help them, but doesnt get the same done back to them, u sorta just get sick of it.

If she always been there for you and you have completely subject changed when she has mentiond something incrediably serious to you, to do with her health then that does make u a little self ceneted. Sorry im not meaning to be harsh, but if my friend carried on about a break up, after id just mentioned something so serious id be fuming to.

Im sure you havent meant to be this way and im sure you love her to pices as well, but maybe uv put to much pressure on her to always be there for you and make everything better, when ur not always there for her. Her bf prob got anoyed cos he sees how much she does for you and how little she may get back? As for the break up im sure she cares, but she prob is jus fed up of hearing about things that you can sort out yourself.

does any of this make sense at all. I hope you get wat I mean, im not meaning to be harsh but i think she needs to no how much she means to you.
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Fri Oct 26, 2007 1:27 pm

Hey there.

I agree with Xpose soph 07. I don't want to seem harsh but I think that it was you that have been rather selfish. After all, she's been helping you get through most of your problems but when it so happened that she had some health problems, not really caring about it makes you rather selfish.

She helped you so much but you helped her so little. I hope you understand. Friends help each other. She was always there for you, but were you really there for her? You need to support your best friend and be there for her.
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Postby XxXSBXxX » Fri Oct 26, 2007 1:33 pm

Wel first of all u said yr friend was der for u all d time.

Why when she needs you your not der for her??

How do u know shes makin it up have u seen her??..

I dont mean t be harsh as i dont know u but from what im reading i think u are a bit self obsessed yr friend travelled to u everytime u needed her but when she needs u yr not ther for her.. :oops:

She sounds like a great friend 1 i definitly wouldnt want to loose so jus think about her for a min!!!!
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Postby pink stripes » Fri Oct 26, 2007 11:08 pm

hi

Yeah i'm going to agree because to be honest I was really shocked when I read your post on here.

At what point has your friend been at all selfish? :-? Your friend is there for you 110% without fail - coming down whenever you need a chat (even though its an hrs drive ( and by the way it shoudn't matter how long it took her to get there last time - the most important thing is is that she was there for you when you needed her the most) ), taking you out etc. This really shows her loyalty and friendship for you.

Also like the others have said - friendship is a 2way thing - you need to be there for your friend as well. How do you know that the last time she visited you when you needed her, that she wasnt upset as you said she just wanted to put on music etc - did you ask how she was?

Sorry if you think that what I have said is harsh but I think you should read through our comments and your own post.

--x
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Postby misskrystal » Sun Oct 28, 2007 10:50 pm

I agree with everyone else. Your friend sounds really great, always there for you, drops everything to be with you when you need her, even bringing her boyfriend along to help. I've known my best friend for 23 years and even he couldn't do that!

Then, the first time she puts herself first, you call her up and shout at her! Your friend cannot possibly drop everything and run to you every time you break up with someone. She can't put your health issues above her own and she certainly can't be expected to deal with your problems when she obviously has problems of her own.

You need to re-read your post and think about all the great things your friend does for you. Then send her a big bouquet of flowers to show her how much you appreciate how good a friend she really is.
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Postby peecee » Sun Oct 28, 2007 10:57 pm

You all apologise for being harsh; this post is so completely outrageous and self-obsessed, it's beyond a joke. I'm not convinced it's real. :-?

Axe_88, can you confirm that this is a genuine post?
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Postby Pwif » Mon Oct 29, 2007 9:23 am

Take a hard look at yourself. You're selfish, self-centred and inconsiderate. I think your friend has had a lucky escape from you.
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Postby Axe_88 » Mon Oct 29, 2007 10:31 am

Yeah, this is real. My friend was hospitalised early & i've been to visit her over the weekend. Kinda woke me up to how bad she actually is.

The reason I thought she was being selfish is because she normally handles her problems herself, sorts them out before ihave chance to help.

Suppose i do need to take a look at myself.
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Postby LalaSkellington » Mon Oct 29, 2007 2:21 pm

Woah dude!
I agree with all these!
She tried to tell you problems in her life and you didn't want to know? You class her as a friend cos shes always there for you, but you cant be there for her???
:-?

those are serious illness, not made up ones! do your research before you go accusing someone like that!
People have bigger problems than yours, your friend for example. Heartbreak sucks but its no need to fall out with someone who obviously regard your best friend and it could be much worse! You could have been married with kids, a house & pets! Think how much more that would hurt!

Carry on like this & she won't be your best friend for much londer!
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Wed Oct 31, 2007 10:51 am

Axe_88 wrote:My friend was hospitalised early & i've been to visit her over the weekend. Kinda woke me up to how bad she actually is.

The reason I thought she was being selfish is because she normally handles her problems herself, sorts them out before ihave chance to help.

Suppose i do need to take a look at myself.
Ta


Yes Axe_88, you do need to take a big look at yourself. Be a good friend and support your friend until she is better and don't continue being so selfish.

Everyone has problems and sometimes they need help so be there for her when she does. Try sorting some of your own problems out by yourself and don't keep relying on her so much.
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