I feel like such a cow

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I feel like such a cow

Postby the bluegirl » Mon Nov 05, 2007 11:13 pm

Me and my friend have known each other since high school (too long ago to think about!!). She's had bad problems in her life which I could neither hope or think about ever experiencing. She's seen quite a few mental health professionals over the years and has a dependence on anti-depressants. The problem is I've tried to support her over the years and always be there for her, I've recently experienced some life changes myself but she still expects me to be able to give as much of my time to her as she feels she needs.

Her boyfriend split with her 3 months ago and she is becoming so dependent on me that I actually try to think up excuses not to have to see her all the time because it's wearing me out. She has threatened to commit suicide since they split a number of times and one night, after she didn't answer my texts or my calls, I rushed to her house (she'd threatened to kill herself that day). When I did finally manage to get hold of her she said she had fallen asleep. I know depression can make you feel constantly tired so I didn't say too much but in the past few weeks she's got so bad i've suggested she should maybe see a psychiatrist. I dread going to see her because I spend 3 hours listening to her problems but at the same time I don't want to abandon her because she lost most of her friends because she neglected them when she got the boyfriend. I'm sure other people have experienced these situations - can anyone help? :(
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Postby brfc » Tue Nov 06, 2007 9:25 am

hi and welcome to problem pages :)


i know shes your friend but i feel its not fair on you to have to listen for 3 hours about her problems. mayb a bit of counciling or something might help her get back on track. try to encourage her to get outside help and it might ease the presure on you. hope it all works out. take care brfc
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Postby Bel Bel » Tue Nov 06, 2007 10:31 am

I think you need to tell her that you don't feel able to help with her problems anymore and suggest she need to talk this stuff out with a conceller. Tell her you want to do fun things with her so make plans to do something enjoyable together
I can't stand people who threaten suicide it's a cry for help but also a nasty blackmail trick in a lot of cases
If she actually hasn't tried to do it up to now I don't beleive she will, it's just to get attention and it's working
Tell her you want to be there as a friend but you can't be her concellor and feel that it would be much more beneficial for her, you and the friendship if you change it to a friendship where you inject some fun into her life.
If someone really wants to commit suicide they will find a way to do it and to be honest are usually in such a bad mental state they don't even think of the conseqeunces to others. My mums friends husband hung himself from the loft rafters and his 9 and 6 year old children came home from school to find him. He would never have wanted that if he was in a sane state of mind but he was past seeing things rationally.
Make plans for set days of the week with her so she doesn't feel abandoned but make sure you are leaving yourslef plenty of time for a life too
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Postby Xpose soph 07 » Tue Nov 06, 2007 12:57 pm

From what you have just said I think this is not a situation you cant help her with on your own, your friend needs professional help.

We as human beings can be there for eachother but only to a certain extent.

You should speak to her and explain that you will always be here for her and help and support her but only as much as you can. Speak to her, and if it doesnt work then her parents need to be made aware of how serious the situation is.

She is obviously suffering depression and shud speak to someone about it, the last thing u want is for her to pull you down with her cos this can happen so id advise you to speak to someone about this soon rather then keepin it to yourself.
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Postby the bluegirl » Tue Nov 06, 2007 7:15 pm

Thank you - reallly appreciate your suggestions
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Tell er

Postby greyhoundjoe » Tue Nov 06, 2007 9:24 pm

Tell her bbz shes getting to reliable on you. tell her that you cant carry on like this and she needs to sort herself out
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Postby the bluegirl » Mon Nov 19, 2007 8:08 pm

Thanks, she was e-mailing me all day in work today saying how fat and ugly she is which is rubbish. When I said to her to try and think more positively (I know anyone out there who has suffered from depression will probably feel like kicking me right now for saying that and I'm sorry but I'm trying to help the only way I know how) she just said she had nothing to be postive about and that no one would miss her if she died.
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Postby retrochav » Mon Nov 19, 2007 11:08 pm

As the excellent advice from the other posts suggests, there is little more you can offer without burning out emotionally.

This girl has now reached the point of using emotional blackmail to get what she wants. Selfish behaviour is exactly that and deppression is not an excuse to mask it. Even in the throws of deppression and despair, most of us are anxious not to exhaust the support we have.

I would suggest two things. One would be to signpost her to this site, so that she has more that one outlet. Secondly, make it clear when you arent available and suggest sources of support she can use until you are. The sammaritans or Mind, and the Deppression Alliance can step in whilst you are unavailable.

Tactfully put, you can gain the time you need to recharge your batteries.

Dont be held to ransom by suicide threats. A person has the responsibility to their own life, and all the love and support in the world cannot change that if someone ultimately cannot cope with their health problems and resolves to make a decision. Unless you can take this on board, you will be at the mercy of your conscience each time exhaustion prevents you taking her call.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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