Falling out over kids

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Falling out over kids

Postby lebonlover1971 » Mon Nov 19, 2007 10:49 am

I have a friend (or did have) who has had a lot of grief in her life she is 52 and 6 years ago lost her eldest son when he drowned in a river near her home. Her ex partner commited suicide last year i supported her throughout this. I tried to help her out with her youngest son who is the same age as my eldest 9 they were friends and go to school together. He has treated her quite badley she is on her own and has back probs as well as bad depression. She lets him watch violent films and tv progs that are quite frankly unsuitable for a 9 year old especially one with a temper.
My father passed away in july and after all the support i gave her when her partner passed away i recieved none from her and when my son became upset at school at the loss of his beloved grandfather all her son could do was punch an abuse him. I let this ride for a while as she had been through alot but my son came home from school saying that her son had held his head put his fist in his face and said "do you want me to smash your face in" i decided enough was enough i went to see her was calm and friendly as she had been a good friend i thought we would be able to sort it out. She told me a while back she was trying to get her son councilling and i casually mentioned this whilst we were discussing the problem. She told me her son tells her everything he does he never lies he hasnt hit anyone for a year. I said well i am just worried that it wont be someone as quiet as my son next time and he might have someone hit him back harder. To which she replied he hasnt hit anyone it was only a threat. She seemed to think this was ok. She also said that my son talkin about his grandfather was upsetting her son and thats y he was being like it. We came to the solution that the two boys should stay away from each other which i agreed was for the best and we parted on good terms. She phoned me again that night to discuss this again once again we parted as we did take care love u etc. Three days later i get a phone call from her .I asked if she was ok she said no i am not i have been thinking about all the stuff you said and in no way does the death of ur sons grandfather compare with the death of my sons father. I got upset at this point and handed the phone to my husband who is by far the most diplomatic man ever. She was rude and insulting she had been sitting alone thinking about the things we spoke about and turned them around in her head until she had stuff that i never said she told my husband she wanted his wife i e me to come and apologise. Hubby said she has nothing to be sorry for she wouldnt stop and in the end hubby said this is stale mate and put the phone down. Since then her son has been rude and bullying to my son in an out of school the school are rubbish dont do alot he has also been wondering round our estate until 7 -8 pm in the dark and earlier on in the evening causing problems swearing at other children . I dont see there is much i can do i cant talk to her she denies her son has problems he is a good boy and doesnt do any wrong tells her everything he does never lies. I am worried about my son he is a sensative chap like me. I was bullied at school and i dont want to see this happening to him. I miss her also we were good friends for years and this ranting is out of character. She has also been telling other friends of ours the twisted version of the story and now they are saying they are going to get me. I dont know what to do i am upset because i have lost my friend but i also scared that my son is going to have problems with being bullied like i was. HELP!!!!!! I am also concerned because her son walks to school alone now and when he goes out the door at 8 30 am she just goes back to bed until lunch time her house is a mess . My house aint perfect but she is just letting things go. I miss her and have been crying all the time.
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Postby misskrystal » Mon Nov 19, 2007 1:04 pm

If you feel that your son is an any danger from this boy, or if he is attacked again, tell the school. If they refuse to do anything, tell them that you will now be taking your complaint to the police. Document everything that happens (including pictures) and call the police. If this boy is a danger to other children, the police should be made aware of it.

I think it's safe to say your friendship with this women is over. She wants you to be there for her when she needs you, but disappears whenever you need her. That's not friendship to me. If she has been lying to your other friends about what you've 'supposedly' done and they believe her, then they obviously don't know you very well. If they give you the opportunity, explain the situation (if they have children too, they should certainly understand why you'd want to protect your child), be very clear, without placing all the blame on your friend. If they threaten you too, call the police.

As this involves your child, your husband should be very much involved in the situation. Don't try to deal with it all yourself, it's too much.
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Postby lebonlover1971 » Mon Nov 19, 2007 1:36 pm

thanks i am very sad i dont think he is abig danger at the moment it is verbel calling my son a geek and getting another boy to kick him so he doesnt get blamed i have been to the school but the school didnt even bother to tell my ex mate about her son punching mine in PE i didnt think the police would be interested in two 9 yrs olds
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Mon Nov 19, 2007 1:40 pm

misskrystal wrote:If you feel that your son is an any danger from this boy, or if he is attacked again, tell the school. If they refuse to do anything, tell them that you will now be taking your complaint to the police. Document everything that happens (including pictures) and call the police. If this boy is a danger to other children, the police should be made aware of it.


I agree with that. That boy can't be allowed to bully other children and hurt them.

Friendship is a two way thing, if you get what I mean. You have to be there for each other and that is not what your friend is doing. You supported her when she needed it but when you needed her support she never gave it to you. I think that she is not a good friend and this friendship with her is over.

Those friends of yours don't seem very close to you if they believe the different story. I think you should try to explain what really happened if you can.
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Postby misskrystal » Mon Nov 19, 2007 1:41 pm

Your son was assaulted. Just because it happened in school doesn't make it invisible. If the school doesn't do anything, then you have to. You have a responsibility as a parent to protect your child and if he's being attacked at school, you have to do everything in your power to prevent it ever happening again.

If you warn the school that you are willing to take your complaint to the police they will be much more eager to help. If they still refuse, threaten to talk to the local media.
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Postby lebonlover1971 » Mon Nov 19, 2007 1:58 pm

do u think its worth contacting child and family services or social services first to see if they can do something to help her with her kid
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Postby misskrystal » Mon Nov 19, 2007 4:47 pm

If you feel that this child's health/ well being are at risk, then yes, call social services. If, however, you feel that this is a case of poor parenting skills, then there isn't much you can do. Just make sure you protect your child from her child.
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Postby Bel Bel » Mon Nov 19, 2007 4:56 pm

Well the police will get involved in the bullying as my daughter has just had a bullying incident and the police spoke to the girls parents.
Verbal abuse is as bad as physical abuse, sometimes can have a worse affect.
The problem is your friend doesn't want to admit there is a problem and as his parent she is the strongest roll model he has
I know you shouldn't have to but perhaps you should consider changing your sons school
I am not sure what social services will help you achieve to be honest
Definately log all incidents to present to the police
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Postby lebonlover1971 » Tue Nov 20, 2007 12:54 am

i went to see the head today he said he would haul the two boys in and put the fear of god in them. So i am expecting a nasty call from my ex mate tom afternoon when her son goes home and cries that my son got him in trouble with the head. As my son is in year 5 he only has a year and a half left i dont want to take him out of school. The head hadnt been informed by my sons teacher so hopefully this will sort it thanks to all you guys for your advice i hope i can help with other ppls probs cheers Barbs xxxxx
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