my housemate's a tease and its getting dangerous...

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my housemate's a tease and its getting dangerous...

Postby mis12ty » Sun Nov 25, 2007 9:17 pm

i've only recently moved into a houseshare in a new area. one of my new housemates who i didn't know before hand introduced me to her friends, who are mainly from her work, to help me create a social network, which i really appreciate.
however it's becoming clear that within this group nobody likes her and people are beginning to witch about her and she's creating enemies.

she is a tease. she winds men up. she flirts outrageously (which she's aware of but uses her flitateous nature almost as an excuse) and she doesn't seem to know how to interact with men on any other level. she is a devout christian and will not have sex before marriage which she doesn't publicise (not that she should have to) but it's more than that she will lead men on she doesn't even fancy and just when they think they're getting anywhere she drops them and goes on to someone else.

at the weekend she invited someone over to a houseparty. he has a reputation with the ladies and it was obvious what he thought was going to happen between them. when he arrived she ignored him and had her legs draped across another man. he got angry as he was drunk and started aggresively on my boyfriend coz he thought that was the reason he'd been invited by her to make him jeaous. this is where i get worried. it's getting dangerous.

she had previously had something (occassionall kissing and foreplay) with my boyfriend. he finished with her because of her strange ways and her immaturity and i hasten to say because he met me. i have asked her permission if its ok we date and she said yes but i know she still likes him and it is obvious she is constantly trying to make him jealous. he's with me and doesn't care at all, in fact he's really beginning to detest her.

my dilemma is this do i tell her the error of her ways. i feel a certain loyalty to her coz i have to live with her for the next year and also because she's the reason i have my social circle.
although we get on she must slightly resent me. i have the boy she likes. her friends like me a lot more than they like her. i therefore don't know how she'll take any advice i have to give.
or do i wait for something more serious to happen and then hope she asks why i think it did? i don't really know how to handle this situation coz i'm aware of dislike growing greater everyday for her by the ppl she works with but don't want to aggravate the situation by getting involved.

any advice would be great! x
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Re: my housemate's a tease and its getting dangerous...

Postby retrochav » Sun Nov 25, 2007 10:55 pm

Yes, you must talk to her. She is putting herself in danger here. Whilst no one has the right to sexual relations without the full consent of a partner - her behaviour puts her at risk of rape (rape often being more about power than sex, so a guy she has led on and then rejected could inflict his rage in this way)

I would advise her of the fact that many rapists are spurned lovers. Also, her behaviour is not compatable with her faith. Most devout christians (or those of other faiths where premarital sex is sinful) do not make a point of their faith - but they dont put themselves in compromising positions! She is leading herself into temptation.

I would discuss something you read in a "magazine" about a girl who was the victim of date rape, and the situation was made worse because she harmlessly flirted and the guy swore she had consented. Worst still, people at a party witnessed the flirting and were unsure what to believe.

Hopefully this will make her think. If not, then you have done all you safely could without directly exposing your feelings.

As for the "friends" who witch about her. I would say nothing, either to her or the "friends". I am always abit weary of such people. Its one thing to discuss concerns about a mates behaviour, quite another to make catty comments. So if i were you, i would let them gossip alone and let her find out herself.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby pink stripes » Sun Nov 25, 2007 11:32 pm

Yes - you need to speak to her about this and quickly before her own behaviour gets herself into trouble.

She may think it's just a bit of harmless fun but one of these days someone may come along and want more tahn just flirting and may not take no for an answer.

This, obviosuly needs to be prevented.

Yes she may be slightly resentful - but she should count herself very lucky to have a friend who cares for her as much as you do. Stick by her :)

--x
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