Help, I dont know what to do about my friend!

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Help, I dont know what to do about my friend!

Postby gurty_ping » Tue Dec 18, 2007 10:43 pm

My friend Sally is clinicaly obese and has never really hit it off with men, as they only tend to look at her size and reject her. she wont do anything about her weight andi have offered to help her many times. For the last year she has been constantly using sex toys to please herself and doesn't leave her house anymore. I have no idea how to help her anymore...any suggestions?
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Re: Help, I dont know what to do about my friend!

Postby retrochav » Wed Dec 19, 2007 1:20 am

Sometimes we just cant make a friend reach a lifeboat or ring.

I would suggest you take the emphasise off her weight - assume she knows! Instead praise her for her other qualities and have more girly nights in dancing to music. My best girl mate was ample to say the least and showed the same tendancies. I used to visit often and bring my CDs. A few drinks and up and dancing together made us happier. Over MONTHS she toned up and i suggested we strut our stuff (and forget guys for the night!)

As it turned out we went to our local gay bar and she met a bloke and now i dance alone....still GRRRRRR!
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby squiffya » Wed Dec 19, 2007 3:56 pm

Not all men have cottonwool between their ears and some of them will date girls who haven't been on the cover of FHM. My housemate's brother is a case in point - lovely bloke, nice-looking, good job and generally eligible; his girlfriend is morbidly obese and has been since he met her. It didn't stop him being attracted to her and he has been endlessly supportive as she's tried to get down to a healthier weight (they've been together about 8 years now). She's definitely bagged a much better bloke than many skinny minnies I know.

Also, I've found Paul McKenna's 'I Can Make You Thin' book really helpful for overcoming emotional eating - which is what it sounds like may be going on here. Though far from obese, I am definitely a bit squidgy round the edges thanks to a tendency to comfort eat and have found his weight loss technique great for losing weight without trying - crucially, unlike a lot of diet books, this doesn't lay any guilt or blame as to why someone's got overweight and there's a lot of emphasis on building self-esteem (but without being too cheesy). If there's a way you can tactfully get her to read this very short book (tricky I know, you can't really give it to her as a xmas present!) she might find it really helpful. No diets, no guilt, just enjoying your food and curbing the urge to eat out of boredom or sadness without being conscious of it.

If you feel this is too much for you to handle, perhaps she might benefit from some form of counselling? You could try and persuade her from the point of view that she's become very reclusive, rather than any focus on her weight. In my opinion, she's very lucky to have such an incredibly supportive and caring friend and I hope she comes to realise that if you don't let her weight distract you from the person she really is, not the one she feels she is, then plenty of other people will too.

Having said all that, I reckon Retrochav's advice is pretty good - and a lot more fun! Definitely give it a go. Good luck and let us know how it goes x
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Sun Dec 23, 2007 2:42 pm

Your friend is most probably aware of her size. Maybe she just has low self-esteem and needs more encouraging. Praise her for her good qualities and have some girly nights like retrochav said.
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