Grand Cliche: I've fallen for my friend (elaboration!)

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Grand Cliche: I've fallen for my friend (elaboration!)

Postby Tarantula » Sat Jan 05, 2008 5:33 pm

... And you're the only people I can actually tell. xD

I have a group of 5 best of best friends, who keep my feet on the ground and couldn't really be any better. That's 4 guys, and one girl.

We're really close as a group, I consider them like family. I never would have expected to fall for any of them, nor them me - it's just one of things that wouldn't happen.

But I've always secretly sorta liked one of my guy mates.... I admire him because he's funny, and he speaks his mind, and he understands me particularly well, even though some of the others might know more about me, or have had more experience of me telling them my problems. I've been best friends with Dan for over a year now, we've fallen out a couple of times, and we know eachother pretty well.

As my relationships keep coming, failing, then going, and I reach further and further out to find someone who I properly can have a connection with, it becomes more apparent that the right guy could be completely in my circle already.

That sounds odd.. But who cares?

.. I don't know if he's possibly secretly harbouring the same feelings as me. I recently got a haircut, and when he saw me he said 'wow.. You look stunning! Ooops, sorry, first reaction..!' He said 'no wonder all the guys are falling over you..!' He then changed the subject radically. He's never really commented on my appearance before.

It got me thinking. He's never really liked any of my boyfriends, he's seen me hand in hand with four different guys over the last year or so.. In fact the cause of our rare fall outs have been how irritable he gets when I get with someone new, although I never made the connection before - let alone run it past him.

Yesterday I had my friends round, including Dan, for a sleepover. It was great fun. When I set up the air bed and sat on it in front of the tv, I noticed Dan being swift to nab the place next to me.. And he was a little bit too close for standard platonic feeling. I got a text from another guy who has been trying to get me to go out with him, when one of them asked who it was, Dan immediately started asking questions about who this guy was, and if I was going to go out with him or not.. I decided then and there to call it off with the guy who texted me, I had been vaguely considering dating him but sent back a text in the negative, which I let Dan read... To make sure he was sure, that I'm not into anyone else.

We were practically joined at the hip during the night, without either of us actually making a proper move on the other. I think my other friends noticed..

I can't tell the one I'd normally tell, because he has issues about his constant singledom, and has admitted to be slightly jealous of me whenever I seem happy in a relationship - although he never takes that out on me, and wants me to be happy etc. If me and Dan do get together at some point (please, please, pleaaaase!!), I'm not sure how it might affect my other friend, us two being his two best friends. I'm sure he'd put up a front, but I'd rather not upset him in any way.. Having said that, I know I'm going to tell him anyway, that is if he doesn't ask about last night's kooshtiness between me and Dan.

Not only that, but also obviously, if I did take this chance, what if it went wrong? Then my social network could get so awfully pickled.. I need these guys, they mean an awful lot to me. I'm scared of making my feelings known because of it. But then I tally that up against how uber it'd be if things went the way I feel they would... I'm not certain Dan feels the same, but I accept that it certainly seems that way..!

Gaah what to do?
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Re: Grand Cliche: I've fallen for my friend (elaboration!)

Postby retrochav » Sun Jan 06, 2008 9:25 pm

This isnt an easy one to answer as you are so close to the guy you desire.

I guess my gut feeling would be to tell him that you want a guy who is a friend as well as a lover. Explain how you want a guy who really knows you... and how you are afraid of making first moves as you fear getting it wrong. If he doesnt pick up these very obvious hints, you will have to assume his feelings are of brotherly concern and love and little more.

As for your circle of friends. Well friendships are fluid, they adapt to new circumstances, sometimes drifting and then becomming close. You cant hold friendships in aspic - by nature it changes like it or not.

My advice would be to go for it without being so obvious that you let your feelings distort what he really feels.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby Tarantula » Mon Jan 07, 2008 1:03 am

Cheers =] you always seem to reply to my problems..!

Err, slightly indirect, but I've told the other best friend, who isn't at all dismayed by it, and is going to sound dan out for me... xD He thinks I won't be disappointed. He'll only let slip that I told him if the response is a positive.

To be honest, I think it will be. =]
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Postby Tarantula » Mon Jan 07, 2008 1:03 am

Cheers =] you always seem to reply to my problems..!

Err, slightly indirect, but I've told the other best friend, who isn't at all dismayed by it, and is going to sound dan out for me... xD He thinks I won't be disappointed. He'll only let slip that I told him if the response is a positive.

To be honest, I think it will be. =]
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Postby retrochav » Mon Jan 07, 2008 11:16 pm

Good luck, let us know how it goes xx
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby Tarantula » Tue Jan 08, 2008 9:41 pm

It would appear... That we're together now! And officially, too.

I'm very happy about this, although he did begin to annoy me this evening.

I go to a gym three times a week after college, and tonight I could only see him for less than an hour, round a friend's house. The weather's miserable, there's nowhere to go and most of my day is taken up by college anyway, gym or no gym. He seems to think that there's a problem with how much we can see eachother.

I'd be more inclined to go out after college if there was somewhere to go. Rushing back from gym to see him for such an irrelevant amount of time made me think that I'd really rather just be at home. xD

So when he asked what I wanted to do tomorrow, I was thinking, maybe not see him, because we've seen eachother two days in a row now and I don't want this thing to burn out before it starts. However saying that would make me sound like the Wicked witch of the West, so I said I didn't mind.

'Could you make an effort or atleast make a decision?'

Ouch. I didn't really know what to say to that and I still didn't want to say what I was thinking so I agreed to do something he suggested earlier, and go round his for dinner and formal parent-meeting... Compromising my gyming.

And when we said goodbye he seemed indifferent.. But then that's probably just him being himself. It seemed like he didn't really want to kiss me. O.o

.. He's gonna be online in a little while.

The case continues.
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