No Friends

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No Friends

Postby Lisa92 » Tue Jan 08, 2008 7:15 pm

At primary shcool I was bullied by a big group of girls and boys. They called me every name under the sun and battered me on a daily basis so I was too scared to go out of my house. This went on for about 3 years but when I left for secondry I thought everything would get better and that I would make friends (I never had any friends). But when I got to high school nobody wanted to be my friend because I was ugly. It hurt a lot because even though I am really ugly I'm a nice person and I think I'd be a good friend if people gave me a chance. Where I live there are no places where you can make new friends and there are no places where you can take up a hobby or anything so I don't think I'll ever make friends. I'm 16, quite chubby and very ugly. Please don't tell me it's just my age and that things will get better when I'm older and that I'm not ugly because my own family have admitted to me that I'm unattractive.

Has anybody got any advice on my situation? :cry:
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Postby PurePurple » Tue Jan 08, 2008 7:56 pm

Ahh I feel so sorry for you Lisa!

For starters it's really quite rude your family have said you're unattractive, I would have at least thought they would have given you some support ?!

I actually didn't think when i'd leave school i'd get any friends, I only had 2 best friends in primary school..

The key thing is to talk to people. Are you quite shy? Because if you are that could be why also - Because you won't get to know people if you're quite shy or they might be put off if you don't talk as much as other people.
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Postby Yellowcoaching » Wed Jan 09, 2008 12:10 pm

Can you perhaps join some clubs at school, there might be peole involved that you haven't got to know yet and at least they would share some of your interests.

I think it's terrible not to be given support from your family, but the truth is you don't have to be coventionally pretty to be attractive. Just look at some of the "odd couples" in the world and you'll see what I mean. It's not just down to wealth or fame either. Superficial people will always look at the surface perhaps but the ones that are worth connecting with will look deeper and see all the attractive qualities you ahev and they'll be with you till your 80 :wink:
You only get one life; I can help you make the most of it.
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Postby Lisa92 » Wed Jan 09, 2008 1:18 pm

Yeah, I am quite shy. I never used to be but I think it was the bullying and stuff.

Thank you for your help! :D
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Postby Bel Bel » Wed Jan 09, 2008 3:39 pm

Some real ugly peopel are happy and do well in life and it's all becasue they project confidence and that's what attracts people

examples (in my opinion)
Mike Jaggar - uuurggh
Donald Trump
Michael Jackson (strange)
Courtney Love
Gerard Depardieu ( big nose never held him back)

Try not to care what the ignorant people think and just try to enjoy the company of people who are genuine becasue they won't care what you look like, joining a club at school is a good suggestion
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Postby sovereign9841 » Wed Jan 09, 2008 11:40 pm

I was never popular at school, and never really had that many friends. But i became interested in psychology, mostly Non Verbal Communication.

Now once you understand people & how they work, you can kinda use it against them. Once you understand how people work & think & recognise their "tells" then you can be more confident because it allows you to see what they dont say aloud, and that in turn will show you that none of them are any different from you - at all.

Being ugly, or not, has not a lot to do with anything. Social status & confidence has everything to do with it.

So my recommendation would see if the subject interests you, and learn about it. When you have learned a bit you can try it out & you will begin to notice a difference in not only your attitude towards other people, but mostly their attitude towards you.

As they say knowledge is power, and it is so very true, it has helped me become very confident and get where i am now. All because i ignore what people are saying, but pay attention to what they are doing.


have a look at this link, it gives a brief outline of it. Don't be fooled into thinking what im suggesting is an over night solution, its not & it will take time, but the benefits repay ten fold in the long run.

Clicky Linky

btw when i say "tells" they are little things that people do that we are not really aware of, but mean a lot. For example, you see two people greet each other with a hug, one person pats the other person on the back, most people would say this is a sign of affection - its not its an unconscious signal saying "ok hug over get off me now please!" now if you watch this happen 9 times out of ten the person being patted will instantly let go after receiving that pat.
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Postby teardrop » Wed Jan 09, 2008 11:56 pm

hi, dont put yourself down.you are what you are at the end of the day. you will make friends you waitand see. there are some nasty people around and best to ignore them and they will soon get fed up. ive always said beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.its whats on the inside that counts, a nice kind heart.looks are not everything you know. you go and start talking to more people and your friends will grow ,then you will glow again xx :wink:
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Thu Jan 10, 2008 3:12 am

Joining a club will help you meet more people. If you don't feel like facing anyone in school, join one outside school so you'l be more confident around with other people. It's not the looks that counts really - if you're confident with a great personality, I'm sure you'll find a friend (or more!) someday. Start talking with other people and don't be too discouraged if they push you away. I think there may be a few loners around so why not start on them? They probably don't have many friends too (being loners!)
Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get!
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Postby PurePurple » Thu Jan 10, 2008 6:05 pm

I also agree with happygolucky
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Postby Xpose soph 07 » Fri Jan 11, 2008 11:51 am

I had to write back to this cos i jus thought straight away well who wants friends who dont wana know you becos of ur looks and ur weight.

I feel really sorry for you, and i agree its sad ur family havent given you the exact support that you need, but i am sure to them u are beautiful becos u are theirs, maybe becos u feel urself that u are ugly and over weight they have grown to just agree with you, im sure they do not see u this way.

Iv learnt as u get older that u rle learn who ur friends are, if i were you and if people didnt wana no me cos of how i looked, then id think well who needs them anyway then, its not great loss. You will meet people one day, whether it be through work or even in ur local supermarket, and these people will love you for who u are and not what u look like, i think its so shallow of people i dont think i was like that at school it wasn about how people looked it was about having companionship and a laugh.

U seem to have very low self esteem, i think or suggest that u take up ur own hobbie, ok if there is not a gym near u then go running to make YOU feel good about urself, maybe try and new hairstyle or some new cosmetics, dont jus assume that ur ugly and that no one will ever want u becos they will, there is someone for everyone out there, I mean that for friends as well as a partner.

As we grow older looks fade and personality is whats left, all these shallow people will have a hasrh reality later on trust me, continue being a good person it will pay of.
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Postby brfc » Sat Jan 12, 2008 10:04 am

funny really i watch that super 16 thing on some certain tv channel and quite often some posh brat on there says ooo there not coming to my party i only want good looking people at my party and i think how fake!

freinds are people who love and want to be freinds with you the way you are! who cares about looks?

personally you could have five ears 3 noses and a girafes neck for all i care. its about whats inside that makes a difference not the outside.

u sound a great girl and many people would value a freindship with you.

hope it all works out

take care brfc x
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Postby Empathy » Sat Jan 12, 2008 3:50 pm

Just saying now rite that i was quite popular in school and i admit to bullyin but regret it fully as i age on. Most of us have been in a situation where we believe the whole world is against us but trust me it will get better.

Dont be so down on yourself, In class try speaking to people. The more you speak to them the easier it will be for you.
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Postby Deedee1 » Sun Jan 27, 2008 3:59 pm

The key is CONFIDENCE! If you lack confidence it shows in your body language.

You think that people don't want to talk to you or be your friend because you are ugly. That's so wrong. I know many people who may not be conventionally attractive, but they were so confident they always had friends, because they seemed like fun, bubbly people to be with and that is so attractive in a person.

Start by doing little things to make yourself more confident. Smiling lots is always a good start. People are drawn to happy people! And DO NOT tell yourself you are ugly anymore. Start the day by looking in the mirror and just tell yourself "I am amazing!" whether you feel it or not. Make sure your body language is open, don't walk with your head down, walk with it held high!

Sometimes putting yourself in difficult situations will benefit you in the end. Starting a class with like-minded people will definitely help, but it's up to you to strike up conversation with the people you meet.

Please don't worry too much, you will find some friends I'm sure, you just need to believe in yourself!
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Re: No Friends

Postby koko19 » Tue Feb 05, 2008 6:06 pm

[quote="Lisa92"]At primary shcool I was bullied by a big group of girls and boys. They called me every name under the sun and battered me on a daily basis so I was too scared to go out of my house. This went on for about 3 years but when I left for secondry I thought everything would get better and that I would make friends (I never had any friends). But when I got to high school nobody wanted to be my friend because I was ugly. It hurt a lot because even though I am really ugly I'm a nice person and I think I'd be a good friend if people gave me a chance. Where I live there are no places where you can make new friends and there are no places where you can take up a hobby or anything so I don't think I'll ever make friends. I'm 16, quite chubby and very ugly. Please don't tell me it's just my age and that things will get better when I'm older and that I'm not ugly because my own family have admitted to me that I'm unattractive.

Has anybody got any advice on my situation? :cry:[/quote]

Hi,

Well firstly Lisa, you should be immensely proud of yourself that you have got through the bullying stage, as you'd probably agree its one of the worst things people can inflict on each other(usually because the perpetrators have low self esteem themselves) and just so you know, i woudn't try to patronise you because i'm not that old or annoying! and i hate anyone who tries to patronise me but there is a difference between being patronising and telling someone to try and not focus on everything negative because ultimately if u do that for the rest of your life, it will be very difficult. The way you've written your message, is, to me, really worrying. Its not healthy, mentally to call yourself 'really ugly' and repeat that again as you have in your message, you may be convinced your unnattractive but I assure you, the way you're speaking(someone with very low self esteem) is very unnatural and you need to speak to someone about it. Did you ever get any help(counsellors, doctors?) when you were at school? because you really should have.

Its a bit of a cliche but if you don't like yourself then no one else will because what your constantly doing(calling yourself ugly etc) is unnatractive to people that could be your friends in the future. People like confidence and as for what your family have said, I'm afraid that they sound wholly unhelpful and downright nasty for saying that. Some posts replying to you have listed 'ugly' people, again this is inappropriate and totally unhelpful.
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Postby N i k k i » Mon Feb 18, 2008 8:46 pm

look at how famous and successful ugly betty is! i know shes not real but it proves that u can get somewhere in life and makes friends even if ur not a stunner!! b positive! keep ur chin up and dont let it show that they r bothering u coz thats what they want 2 c!

xxx
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