is he trying to brainwash her?

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is he trying to brainwash her?

Postby spacegirl » Sun Jan 13, 2008 9:41 pm

My best friend has been seeing this guy for about three months now, they recently told each other they loved each other and slept together for the first time.... everything seemd to be going really well, and all of her friends like him, including her mum who thinks he's great. this is all well and good, but before christmas, before he went home to see family, he told her that he'd had a calling from god to help people and that he wanted to be a healer. he told her that he needed a wife to support him in his mission and asked my friend to consider if she would do this for him. she told him no, and he just asked her to think about it and went off to visit family for three weeks.

my friend told me all this, but still said that she wasn't prepared to give up her life and her degree to follow someone she'd only known for three months, and nothing more was said about it. he came back about a week ago and since then he's been putting major pressure on her to go with him... it's progressed from a faith healer to saving the world, he apparently has to save everyone from thir sins before the world comes to an end in 2012, and when my friend asked him if he thought he was jesus he said that he wasn't jesus but had the same mission and would have the same powers as jesus. he also has told her that "they" told him that she was sent to him to support him, and that she shouldn't tell her friends and family who would try to "brainwash" her into thinking he was crazy.

i'm really worried about my friend, she hasn't been well in the past (she suffers from bipolar disorder) and is more vulnerable than most. i'm worried that he is playing on this vulnerability to try and get her on his side, she confided in him about her illness and about how guys have treated her bad in the past, and he's constantly reassuring her that if she stayed wth him then she would never be unhappy, that her destiny ws to marry him and make him happy when his spirits are low from his mission.

he wants to be married before the summer, because this is when he wants to start his work! i personally think he's absolutely crazy, and whther he geninely blieves this or not, and is trying to brainwash her into giving up her life and following him. he's also given her an ultimatum: she has until sunday to decide whether she will marry him and follow him, or things are over between them. i've told all this to my friend, but she says she loves him and finds it very hard to break ties with him, hoping everything will go back to normal soon. the worst about it is, she told her mum, who told her to "pray to god for answers"! my friend has already started losing sleep over worrying about this, and i'm worried that she will end up back in hospital with the pressure, as it is really confusing her and getting her down, and her experiencing lack of sleep is the first symptom which always leads to her ending up back in hospital.

I want to tell her to wise up and get the hell away from this guy, but i don't want her to get defensive and not listen to me. how will i go about warning her off this guy?
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Postby snail » Sun Jan 13, 2008 11:37 pm

How awful! I agree with you that her mother's response is incredibly unhelpful, under the circumstances.

All I can suggest is that you are friendly, helpful and supportive towards her generally (to show that you care for her and have her best interests at heart) but whenever the subject of this boyfriend is mentioned, you repeat gently and firmly, that he is mentally ill/misguided (whichever you think is best) and that she should have nothing more to do with him. Don't be aggressive or argumentative, just be gentle and firm, and keep saying this same thing no matter what she says. And perhaps you could speak with her mother about it yourself privately, or are there any other family members whose help you could enlist?
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Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jan 14, 2008 11:34 am

you could ask her to watch a programme on the leader of WACO or a similar cult and show her that this is how these people get followers by saying what you want them to hear
Ask her to be open minded when she watched it
If there is a god he would forgive her for not taking this path as god is forgiving and if they were truely meant to be married it would happen when the time was right
Tell your friend you love her and so does her family and they all want and need her too and he is selfish in asking her to give up all the people she loves
We all know what he is doing and where it will end you just have to try to get her to see this, gently. It does sound like she knows deep down as she says that she hopes it will go back to normal. Perhaps you should ask her what her intention is if he doesn't change his mind
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