Friendship hell

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Friendship hell

Postby JennaXXX » Sun Jan 27, 2008 3:36 pm

I really am at my wits end here.
I became friends with this lovely girl almost more then a year ago now.We were so alike in the way that we thought about things and we used to have the deepest chats.I have never had a friendship like that with anyone else and she agreed it was the same for her.
Problems started to arise when I saw that some of her other friendships were a lot closer then I first thought.We had a lot of issues over that and I kind of felt as if she had been lying to me about feeling as close to me as she did.I have been hurt a lot in friendships and didn't want to get let down again by her telling me things that she didn't really feel,just to make me happy.Over the past few months things have got slowly worse.I am pretty sure she has lied to me on several occassions now.Mainly,to do with not having time to contact me but I know for a fact that she has contacted other friends.She seems to put them first and I am always 2nd best.When I have bought up various issues she just explodes with anger.She maintains she's busy and she doesn't have the time but I can't believe her.I don't want to let go of this friendship because when things are good they are amazing.But when things are hard it takes everything out of me.When we have fallen out in the past,everything has seemed so hard and unnatural.
I'm just not sure where to go from here.Confronting her about the lies will only cause another argument.I have tried backing off but then she gets frustrated with me again wondering why I am doing that.

I don't know what to do :(
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Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jan 28, 2008 5:13 pm

Well are you sure you really want to be friends with a girl who lies and you'll never be sure is being true to you, explodes in anger when faced with the tuth and treats you like second best
She may well do this with some of her other friends
She probably goes round in like cycles deciding who her best friend is that week
I would suggest finding some new friends
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Postby bunnikins » Mon Apr 14, 2008 12:56 pm

It sounds to me like your friend is feeling overwhlemed by your attention and is trying to be polite by reducing contact in a subtle way - I had a friend who had become quite clingy and needy and had to do something similar - I wasn't being rude or nasty, but I did feel like I wanted my own space and not to be monotanised by my one friend. She wouldn't take subtle hints and would get agressive and angry if I tried to be straight with her about her crowding me. Eventually I told her to keep away and we now do not speak - I hope this does not happen to your friendship - I would accept that your friend needs other people and enjoy the company she willingly gives you instead of making her feel under pressure - what you will get back is genuine attention and not forced emotions, designed only to appease you. Good luck
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Postby moving2spain » Mon Apr 14, 2008 1:36 pm

i agree with bunnikins! friends should be able to have their own space and other friends. it sounds like you are becomming a bit possesive over your friend. i have a best friend for over 20 years and we only see each other maybe once a fortnight but we are still best friends and we both have lots of other friends who we do things separatly with. none of these other friends will ever take her place as my best friend but they are still excellent friends of mine
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Sat Apr 19, 2008 10:21 am

This is a bit of a difficult situation. When I first read the beginning, I thought that it was because she needed her space. But when I read this:

JennaXXX wrote:I'm just not sure where to go from here.Confronting her about the lies will only cause another argument.I have tried backing off but then she gets frustrated with me again wondering why I am doing that.


You could try explaining to her that you were giving her space. You could tell her you're not angry with her, only that you think she may need her own space and so on. I agree that I'd rather have my own space and "freedom" to have other friends instead of just one. My best friend and I don't really stick together for 24 hours but we still contact each other several times now and then! Both of us have our own friends and understand that. What I'm saying is, everyone should have their own space. I think you do sound a little possessive over it, to be honest.

However, she could be one of those people who jumps to another friend and so on once she gets tired with someone. I can't really tell. I don't think she should get angry when you confront her about it though. Could you try to sort it out calmly anyway if you want to save your friendship? You could try writing a letter if you're afraid she may get angry again. Either that or you're probably better off making other new friends. Sorry if this isn't really helpful; but I hope it helps anyway.

Take Care.
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Postby spacegirl » Fri Apr 25, 2008 11:12 am

it sounds like your friend is just trying to get a little space, it isn't right for her to lie but you also have no right to stop her from having close friendships with other people. a friendship isn't monogamous and it sounds like you are quite possessive of her, which is maybe why she has felt the need to lie about her other friends.
you don't need to back off completely, maybe ask to be involved in activities with her other friends, also try and make some new friends yourself and you won't be putting so much pressure on her.
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