Don't think I've got room in my brain for more problems...

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Don't think I've got room in my brain for more problems...

Postby piper1692 » Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:20 pm

I’ve been having a bit of a rough time lately. My father died two years ago and I lost my baby in October. These two events combined caused me to begin self-harming. Plus, my friends have been treating me really meanly, bullying me about everything from my appearance to the way I eat a bag of crisps. I began self-harming after my father passed away, scratching myself until I bled.
Everything was fine before I had the miscarriage. My friends were close to me, everything was great with my boyfriend and my family, then it began to crumble when I discovered I was pregnant. My mother and boyfriend insisted that I have an abortion, and my doctor wasn’t very helpful. She just spoke to my mother and acted like I wasn’t even present. My friends all told me that I should keep the baby, something I wanted to do, but I couldn’t find a way. In the end I had a miscarriage due to stress and possibly the overdose I took while pregnant. I knew my mum was going to force me into an abortion and I didn’t want to be around afterwards and suffer the guilt. Fortunately, it didn’t do anything. I lost the baby about a week later, and was utterly distraught.
After I lost my baby, it seemed like everybody around me was having babies. A girl in my year group was pregnant, just a month extra than I had been, then my form teacher announced she was having a baby just days after my miscarriage. I was also cornered in the toilets and told by a pupil that I was a murderer because my so-called ‘best friend’ had been telling everybody that I’d had an abortion. I couldn’t face going to school, and feel like everybody is constantly talking about me and plotting against me. I’ve never been well-liked by other pupils except my ex-friends, in fact I’ve been told that almost everybody hates me. I feel like nobody cares if I live or die, and I feel like an annoying burden to my boyfriend and my family. I’ve always been over-emotional and spend a great deal of my time crying. I’ve started turning to pure vodka, cigarettes and kitchen knives to help deal with the pain.
I used to think that my friends would be around forever to support me, but now I know differently. I’ve been with my boyfriend for six months now, and despite having so much to deal with, we’ve managed to stay together and deal with everything as a couple. But my friends hate him, and think I should go out with a lad in my year who fancies me, but I can’t bring myself to leave my boyfriend, and I really don’t want to. The lad who likes me is constantly guilt-tripping me with texts, emails and looks that make me go home and cry my eyes out. I just want to please everybody, but I can’t.
Now my ex-best-friend has told me that I can’t talk to any of my friends about my boyfriend, and that they’re not going to be there to pick up the pieces when he dumps me. I just feel like I really need my friends right now, but they couldn’t care less. Another friend told everybody I had HIV because I had a day off school. Another, a male friend, punched me in the face for telling him not to throw food at me. I just feel so alone all the time, like I’d be better off dead. I’m due to have counselling later this week, but I feel like I’ve got so much on my plate that I can’t deal with it all.
Please help.
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Postby missy3 » Tue Feb 12, 2008 1:15 pm

Piper, you call these people friends?! :o Yes, you do need your friends around at the moment, but these destructive, horrible people are NOT your friends. They are evil people who only care about themselves and what other people think. You do NOT need them. All they will do is destroy you.

I am so glad you are having counselling soon, I really hope it helps. I don't have much constructive advice I'm afriad. They say if you self harm to try squeezing ice-cubes - the pain without the scars - might be worth a try.

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage - I had one last year myself, so I understand a little of what you went through.

Your boyfriend sounds like the one positive influence in your life right now - don't you dare dump him because your 'friends' think you should! If you are happy with him, maybe, but not because some idiot tells you to.

I will try and write again later, but I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you, and I hope things get better.
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:56 am

I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time and about the miscarriage. :grouphug:

Don't waste your time on these people! They have nothing better to do with their lives except bring other people down. I'm glad to know you're going for counselling and I hope all goes well.

Also, don't leave your boyfriend to please these people - they're not worth it at all. He seems to be very supportive, unlike those "friends".

Take Care.
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