More Than Friends (sorry it's a long one)

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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More Than Friends (sorry it's a long one)

Postby Anneka1610 » Sun Feb 17, 2008 4:33 am

i need to get over a guy very quickly. I guess i should start right from the beginning for you to understand what my problem is.

I decided to move from london to nottingham for uni to have a new start after my life kinda fell apart. thats where i met Jo and Karl. they've known each other for 2 years before this course and now live in the same student village and the same appartment as each other, their doors are opposite each other. Karl kept telling not to talk to Jo because he was weird and i didn't listen to him, mainly because i knew what it felt like not to be included. i admit that i did feel sorry for Jo which is why i tried to get to know him.

i would sit and chat to him when he was alone and just let him talk and over a couple of months i started getting closer to him. By this time he had a girlfriend, Kelly, Karl's sister and all Jo could talk about for a month was Kelly this and Kelly that. it really got on my nerves, but he had a way of making me angry just by teasing me when ever he can.

we had a team project for our 1st major assignment and i was put incharge of him. i got really hacked off with him during this project because of little things he did that anoyed me which made everyone in the group a bit tense. i ended up not talking to him for a few days.

After christmas break, my uni went on holiday. i found myself trying to get close to him as i had found out that him and Kelly had broken up. looking back now i realise that i was kinda happy that they broke up but i was getting bored of Jo always talking about her but i didn't say anything as i really wanted to just be his friend.

when we got back, me, Karl and a girl from our class called Louise went to a club to celebrate Louise's birthday. i got a drunk and told them that i fancied Jo. i also told them that i didn't want to do anything because i was afriad that should something happen between us and it went wrong that it might affect our friendship and our course. Karl told me that i should just go for it because life's short and we're meant to have fun at uni.

Louise has a way of calling a study night at Karls and turning it in to a party. so on the 1st "study night" of the year, her, Karl and some others decide to drink but i just wanted to study so i ask Jo if i could study in his room. all the time i was with him, all i could think about was what i said while at the club.

well Karl kept interrupting us and started a guy's chat which i walked out on because it was about sex and girls and football. when i came back Jo started teasing me again so i tried to hit him which resulted in Jo tickling me.

One thing lead to another and we had sex. i was a bit ashamed of myself because i knew that we shouldn't of done it and Jo felt the same, we agreed to take it slow. we ended up doing it three more times in the next two days.

On the third night, he told me that he thought he had moved on from Kelly but realsied that he wasn't ready for another relationship. that really hurt me because i thought that this time a guy i liked didn't think of me as their friend/sister. i told Karl and he told me that Jo was a virgin, something which i completely missed.

Jo told me that he didn't think that he liked me enough to make a relationship with me work. he also said that there were other things making it hard for him to have a girlfriend at the time. but i was glad when he said that he could talk to me more which made me happy.

Karl surgested that we become friends with benefits. Jo didn't agree than got angry because i had told Karl. you see me and Karl are really good mates and he knew that i needed to talk so he let me, i told this to Jo but Jo doesn't like Karl because he has a way of not keeping his mouth shut.

anyway, Jo didn't disagree about it either and we ended up doing it a few more time but only when he wanted it not when i did. i got fed up and told Karl. this was while Karl and Louise were having a few arguments. while giving them advice to talk to each other, i told them that Jo and i needed a chat to. Karl had words with Jo and he ended up agreing to what we were doing. Jo told me that he didn't like it that i tell Karl things when i'm hacked off with him so i agreed to talk to him when i'm upset with him.

Jo keeps going on and on about these girls on another course named Laura and Sarah. he go on and on about them all the time to everyone, more so to me. so a couple of days ago while at a party, i told Karl, Louise and another mate that Jo really fancied these girls and won't stop talking about them. One of the girls, Laura, was at the party so Karl told someone who knew her about Jo. i was really sorry(and drunk) about what i said that i couldn't reallyenjoy myself when everyone went to the club.

while at the club, we met up with Sarah and told her what had happened. Jo was all over her the whole time we were there. i kept telling myself that he's free to do whatever he wants but i couldn't help but feel like he was ripping my heart out. i keep giving him dirty looks and try very hard to stay away from him.

that night we had a chat about what i did. he asked me if i was jelousy of him and Sarah, and i said no.

today, we met up to talk about what happened because i was drunk that night. i found out that he really wanted to date Sarah and that he didn't want me to say sorry for whatever i had done to her untill he found out if she liked him back.

he doesn't know this but i'm finding it really hard to even look him in the eyes now because i still have really stron feelings for him and that hearing him go on about wanting to date Sarah is really hurting me and that i really don't wanna talk to him if he keeps going on and on about it.

i guess what i'm trying to ask is how can i get over him quickly because this is affecting me in ways that makes me wanna hate myself bady and i know that it's not good. i can't seem to stop crying at the moment.

i can't talk to my Karl about this because if he found out that i was crying over Jo again, he'd kill him because he thinks that Jo's using me for sex.

i am really at a lose for what to do. i can't ignore Jo but i know that i can't be around him. we're even moving into a house together next year with Louise and 3 others.

if there is anyway bar sleeping around to change my heart, please tell me as i'm desperate.

Signed Anneka
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Postby Bel Bel » Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:30 pm

sleeping around will make you feel even worse, please don't do that.
basically you got involved the first time not knowing whether jo had any intention of having a relationship with you then after you found out he didn't want one just sex you let it carry on because you had already emotioanlly got involved
Basically you have gave him the green light to treat you like this.
I know this doesn't make you feel any better but it is a lesson to learn to take things slower in the future and definatley not sleep around to solve the problem
All this will not help you move on though.
Jo didn't want you discussing it because it meant people would point out to you what he was upto
If you want to speak to karl it's your right to do so. Jo can't dictate who your friends are.
I don't think moving in with him will be a good idea as he will always be there rubbing your nose in it with new g/f's etc. Not necessarily meaning to but when you live together it's hard to avoid.
By the way I am not so sure jo was a virgin, he just said he was. Not that it really matters.
All you can do know is let time make things better. You will get over him eventually but keeping things a little lighter on the friendhsip front will probably help you get over it quicker.
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Postby peecee » Thu Mar 06, 2008 11:07 pm

Anneka1610 wrote:this is a new problem but it relates to the last one i had - More Than Friends

i've completely shopped talking to Jo now but i feel like my decision 2 stop staying at his flat is hurting my friendship with Karl and the others.

i realised that no matter what Jo said to me, he'd always be hurting me. and something Karl said to me made me think that i need to stay away from him. Karl told me that Jo was getting back together with Kelly and that he was worried about my feelings, which made me want to stay away.

but now i feel like i'm being left out of the group and i don't know what to do. i can't stay over at there because of Jo but i want to have fun with them but they won't walk me home and i feel like i'm imposing on Karl and Lousie if i stay with them.

i just don't know what 2 do anymore and i can feel my will power going very fast.
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