Alcoholism - long

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Alcoholism - long

Postby Caramia » Tue Apr 01, 2008 2:02 am

So I live in a bit of a mad house. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's not. There's one girl, let's call her Anna. She and I have a lot in common and that's how we met. We've lived together for just over 2 years now.

Then there's Betty. Betty and I kinda got along. Anna and Betty kinda got along. Then Betty and I started to get to know each other more and I saw a different side to her. With that, I started to see the light on what Anna's really like.

Anna, I knew, liked to drink. We worked in a pub together and used to get really hammered and have a great giggle. When we moved in together, we had wine and cheese parties, a few guests to entertain every now and then. It was great. But it was also in my gap year. I've just turned 21. Anna's just turned 35. Betty's 30.

So now I've done 2 years of college and tried to focus on my studies. In these 2 years, I've noticed Anna's binging. She'll get really drunk almost every night for about 3 months. Come in at 5am, 2am. Banging the door down because her key "won't work". Shout abuse at cab drivers because they charged her more than the standard amount (the cabbie said it was because she didn't know where she lived). And get really frustrated with things and often take it out on objects around her. Once, that was me - she started throwing the contents of her handbag at me. Another time, it was a chair. She smashed it up in the garden (my room's on the ground floor by the garden).

My partner's about to come back from working abroad for 6 months. I don't want him to experience all this (although he has over the past year). She's back on the binging and it feels worse than ever. She said she'd be home at 8:30pm, but stumbled in at 11:30pm and started an argument with me (it's the first time I've shouted at her and I'm still shaking). She let me down over the weekend - promised me she'd help me with something and then told me she couldn't as she's been too tired from her "late nights" over the past few days.

Oh, and then there's the other issue. Well, I didn't really see it as much of an issue to start with becaue I still really really loved and cared for her then. She's seeing a married man who is also our landlord and her boss. It's been over a year and at first I was ok with it - these things happen, it's their life, I'm there to help pick up the pieces if/when it falls apart like all friends would be... yada yada yada. But now it's "If I complain I can't afford something, I just ask Peter (landlord) and he tells me to take it out the rent money"... or "I can ask him for something when I have his d**k in my hand and I'll get it". That's so degrading and using.

Then there's Ken. A regular at the pub (Peter's pub). Ken and Anna started seeing each other. Anna left Peter over Christmas, and was with Ken. The she got back with Peter and Peter said he'd leave his wife. Which he hasn't done yet. So Ken was out of the picture. Lately, Anna and Ken have been coming back here drunk out of their skulls - at least Anna is - I can't tell with Ken. And Betty and I are supposed to keep our mouths shut when Peter comes round and watch what we say when she's blatently sleeping with Ken.

I can't deal with this anymore. I don't know what to do - how to approach her, how to treat her. There are loads of other issues, but I won't go into them now as they're all a bit petty to go into detail. I think you get the idea.

I don't have many friends, I don't know why I don't have many friends and I seem to attract "friends" who seem to abuse me in one way or another. My track record isn't great. Mum says "Intoxicating relationships" is what I attract and I gotta learn to see them. Sigh.

Thanks (and well done!) for reading.
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Postby Bel Bel » Tue Apr 01, 2008 11:21 am

Anna is draggin you into to a whole lot more problems than the drinking.
I think you need to move out. Ask Betty if she wants to come with you.

Anna will not stop the drinking until she is ready and no amount of talking with her will change that. Stay and you could end up being chucked out becasue she decides that's what she wants after a arguement. After all peter is the landlord and she has him by the short and curlies. If she feels threatened you imght tell then she will get in with peter first to have you chucked out
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Postby Caramia » Thu Apr 03, 2008 1:30 am

My boyfriend and I do want to move out when I graduate. I'm scared Anna will hate me because I want to leave. It always used to be me and her when I thought the sun shone out of butt.

I've never approached Anna about the drinking - I don't think I ever could. Someone suggested that maybe my boyfriend point it out to her as he's not afraid to speak his mind and if he's witness to her alcoholism and how she can treat me at times, I know he won't stand for it. I've held him back in the past, but that was before he actually moved in with us.

I don't think I could take Betty. I've really gotten to know her these last few months and I think she's lovely, but I couldn't do another flat share.

I don't think she'd go as far as chucking me out as then she'd really be seen by a lot of people as a horrible person - most people don't see what we do as obviously, they don't live with her. If someone got wind that she chucked me out, she wouldn't be terribly popular and I know Peter and Ken would put her in place. I've contemplated walking out, but again, when she's good, she's very very good and I love and adore her.

I just can't live with her.
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Postby Bel Bel » Thu Apr 03, 2008 10:51 am

Then simply tell her you and your boyfriend want to move in as a couple. It is a perfectly natural transition in a couples reltionship. Eventually you want kids and a home of your own, a car , a dog and a garden. Not exactly this but you get what I mean.
If she hates you for that then its very sad but there isn't alot you can do
If you wnat to deal with her drinking then perhaps its best to wait til you've moved out but ultimately she won't do anything until she is ready
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