Friend's taking drugs - help =(

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Friend's taking drugs - help =(

Postby DoodlePlex » Tue May 06, 2008 3:37 am

Hi guys,

I'm in a real problem here. My friend (who I don't see very often because of distance) has recently been taking coke with the flatmates she's with. I don't know why she does this as she's always told me not to take drugs and she'd hate me forever if I did.

She's always been a little insecure, and went through a self-harming stage a couple of years back. With some help and advice she got through it, however I wished I could have been there for her through that ordeal but it was before I knew her.

Because of this insecurity she has this urge to want to please people and be popular, and in part of the crowd, so I've had the feeling that she's been pressured into taking these drugs because the others do.

I know I shouldn't but I can't help feeling annoyed at her. She's a wonderfully nice girl but she can't see what she's doing to herself and she doesn't listen to me when I try to explain. It's so frustrating, I always worry now if she goes out clubbing with these "friends" since I know she's going to come back completely wrecked. Being so far away from her, I can't help but feel a bit useless.

Any advice? :( I care for her so much. I just don't want her to get hurt.
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Postby snail » Tue May 06, 2008 10:23 am

Well, she's lucky to have a friend like you, anyway :D

I can only think of two approaches. First, just offer her as much support as you can - see her as often as you can, phone, text and email her frequently. Keep asking her if she's still doing drugs and explain that you worry about her loads, and wish she wouldn't. Repeat this as often as you can (make it a big deal) while also emphasizing that you care about her (so she gets the message that you're worried about her and not just a moaner).

I don't know how effective this approach will be. I think it's unlikely to stop her, but it will make her think a bit more about the drugs. It may also help her self-esteem a bit to know she has someone who cares, and if she has any sort of crisis, she'll know she has someone to turn to.

Secondly, you could involve other people. This approach could well be more effective, but you risk really annoying her, and maybe losing her as a friend. Could you talk to her flatmates (get their number or see them for a moment when you go to visit her) and explain that you think she's too vulnerable to safely use drugs, and could they not ask/allow her to take coke with them. Ask them to look after her and see that she stays safe and drug-free. This might work, depending on what sort of people they are, and what their own attitude to drugs is, but it might also backfire (they might resent this, and start treating her badly at home).

Likewise, you could contact her parents. They're bound to be horrified, and might force her to move out of the flatshare she's in. But of course she could be really annoyed if she finds out what you've done. If she's mature enough of course, she'd know you must have really cared to have gone to this much trouble, but she may not be able to see it that way!

For what it's worth, I think you're quite right to be worried. This is a young person (I'm guessing she's about your age?) whom you already know to be highly emotionally vulnerable (history of self-harming) using an extremely addictive and illegal drug. I hope it works out for her.
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Tue May 06, 2008 12:08 pm

Can't really say much here since snail has already said most of it.

Quite a difficult situation here. Unfortunately, you can't really stop her from taking drugs since she can only decide to stop herself. Be as supportive as you can to her and try expressing your concern to her in different ways. You can't pull her away from these "friends" of hers, of course. Maybe you could try asking her out more often and introduce her to other people who are drug-free! The bad thing about trying to persuade her to stop taking drugs is that she could think you as annoying and try to push you away. Try not to keep on bringing up this subject up every time you see her till she gets tired of it!

Lastly, I think she's lucky to have such a caring friend like you! I hope things work out for the better. Good luck and take care.
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Postby lilessexgal » Tue May 06, 2008 2:01 pm

completely agree.

shes lucky to have a friend like you.

i think you should talk to her. dont get angry with her just tell her how you feel about it and ask her why shes started it and if there is anything you can do to help.

if she knows your there for her then thats a start.
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