This really nice girl has no friends.

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This really nice girl has no friends.

Postby The Annonymous Potato » Wed May 14, 2008 10:46 pm

Theres a girl 2 years younger than me at my school. She's been here about a year I think and this is like the 5th school she's been to in 3 years or something like that. because she was bullied I think.

And now, she's not bullied but, nobody really likes her, nobody talks to her, everyone ignores her, and she has no friends. Everyone says she's wierd or a freak. or gay or mean, And it really bothers me.

But I don't for the life of me understand why!! She is really nice to me. And that almost never happens to me, I'm used to some people disliking me for no apparent reason, but this is a first. She talks to me about ponies and stardoll, I pretend to be interested. one of the few people that says hello to me. My bag collapsed today and she helped me pick everything up without being asked. She voted for me as house captain, she is a really nice person, and I cannot understand why nobody likes her.

My friend's friend bullies her a little bit and calls her gay which is a little hypocritical, since apparently straddling someone and trying to stick her foot up their crotch is NOT gay yet sneezing is. Dare i say that someone is me, thank god for the miracle of clothes. So uh apparently toe-ing someone.....Not gay. Smartarse comments from people comfortable with their sexuality such as "I've had better" in response to gays in denial .....GAY. ........anyway, that's not the point :oops:

Everyone says mean things about this girl, everyone is prejudiced, and too self-absorbed to give a jelly about how she feels. No one cares enough to even pretend to care, or listen to her. She sits alone in the ICT room or library all the time, and when anybody goes in there they ignore her. It makes me really sad, cause she reminds me of how I used to be. She has no confidence, and nobody gives a damn. And it just makes me really hissed off at society. :x
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Postby weatherman78 » Thu May 15, 2008 9:42 am

Sounds to me a little like the High school culture and fitting in thing.

There will always be outcasts from the "in crowd" and it sounds to me like you may be both in that group - like kindred sprits.

You can deal with this in two ways, either let urselves be bullied for being unique or celebrate your uniqueness and do away with the useless "cattle crowd".

I for one chose the latter.

In reality i know this is hard, and it always seems harder for girls for some reason, and this whole childish rubbish about sexual preference is just silly banter or at least, thats how i would take it :)

If you like this person, be her friend! Talk to her, invite her to things; you may end up with a friend for life there. And Trust me, those are the ones that matter - not the vacuous self-important people who do nothing but put people down.

In the end high school is a phase, a phase that will have a bearing on the person you want to be, and in a few years you could both look back at this time in your lives and laugh!

Take Care

Wm xx
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Postby Bel Bel » Thu May 15, 2008 11:50 am

I think the reason she talks to you is your nice to her and treat her like a human being - well done for that

I agree with weatherman78 on other points
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Postby lilessexgal » Thu May 15, 2008 5:58 pm

you become her friend then. if you once felt like this then show her how to be a little more confident. take her out of the library help her to enjoy new things.

sounds like she could do with a friend like you.
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Postby miaow » Thu May 15, 2008 7:44 pm

Hi - after reading this post i was really glad that you have noticed this girl and speak to her - she must be terribly lonely and how awful it is to get bullied. Do you want to be friends with her? Would be lovely if you did you both seem to get on and value each other.

xxxx
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Postby captainf » Thu May 15, 2008 8:19 pm

Yep, sometimes society is just prejudice and not very caring. Its shameful when people act like that.

This girl has confided in you because as already stated, you treat her like a human.

I would suggest that you hang out with her more and even ask her to join you and your friends. Example, if she sits alone in ICT, why not sit next to her, or call her over to you and your group of friends. Maybe hang out with her during lunch, break etc Once your friends get to know her too they will probably start to like her more too.
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Postby The Annonymous Potato » Thu May 15, 2008 10:34 pm

Thanks weatherman78 and everyone else.

But, no, I'm not bullied. never have been. Just became really introverted for a while. But I'm not an outcast. neither am I in any "clique of high school culture" more of a freelancer, the comedian, the well meaning fool, if you will. Fountain of rubbish comments and comic relief to the misery of coursework.
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Re: This really nice girl has no friends.

Postby retrochav » Sat May 17, 2008 2:31 pm

See if you can find the courage to befriend this girl. Going against the grain of public opinion is never easy - but if someone didnt we would still be in a Britain where being gay was illegal, being ethnically different meant being directly discriminated against, and where women were treated as second class beings.

If you like this girl for the person that she is, then make it known to her. If she is a lesbian, who cares? She will obviously know that you are straight by your interest in the oppersite sex - or if you have gay feelings then thats fine too. If you arent wanting to be mates, then make it known that you have no bad feelings towards her and wish her well in life

When you leave school, you will notice that people are often far more tolerant than it appears. I am gay and work on a building site at weekends, but face less and less hassle as people learn that i am no different and face the same issues they do.
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Postby The Annonymous Potato » Fri Jun 27, 2008 6:27 pm

Ok, something happened today.

Well, I don't want to babble on so I'll keep it relevant.

Recently I seem to be getting on well with my friend(X)'s friend (Y) and today we (X, Y and Me) were all hanging around the corridor, and then The Girl (Z) who I've been talking about on this thread appears.

So she comes over and talks to me, she says she should borrow my anger management book and that she threw a clump of Ice at someone in her last school because they were mean to her. And also that We are both supposed to be on one of the stalls at the school "(not so)Fun evening fete" together tonight. I say I probably can't make it, I hate those things.

ANYWAY, Y is getting impatient and slightly annoyed. X and Y head outside, I follow, with Z. This gets Y really aggitated. X tells Z it's probably best to leave us alone and go with the people in her class, but Z says they all hate her and follows us. by the end of the path what little hint of politeness there was has now faded and X and Y are basically shouting at her to lemonade off.

I stand up for Z and say "no, that's mean!" etc. But evenatually, Y kind of guides me in another direction with X, and Z lingers a few meters away.

I confront X and Y. X says "You were talking to her, you brought her over here" and I say "yeah, and?" then Y says "We don't want her with us, She's gay" I reply: "She's not gay". Then X says " Yeah she is. Really. She told like half the people in her class she fancies them, and in the lesbian way, why do you think they all hate her?" And I say "So what!? I Don't care if she's gay" All of which Z probably heard before wandering off on her own.

Then X added "she's really horrible and her voice is SO annoying aswell" I said "I don't think she's annoying and she's really nice to me" and then X and Y said together "thats because she fanices you the most" Then we went to Lunch.

then me and Y were heading to the science labs after lunch, to finnish our all day ISA practical thingy, and on the stairs we meet Z. I apologise to Z. and I say I'll try to be there tonight. And before she can reply Y butts in and insensitivly blurts out to Z "Do you fancy her (me)?"

Z says nothing and Y replies to the silence saying " No answer, she's not denying it!!" and then Z says "I don't really want to talk to YOU (Y) right now" and walks off. I tell Y she can be such a idiot sometimes and I stand there for a few seconds on the stairs, Y walks to the labs, Z is sitting at the bottom of the stairs but just outside not facing me. And I really don't know which way to go. I go down the stairs, but then I go back up and head to the labs. about a minute later I feel really guilty and run out to find Z, but she's gone. so I head back to the labs, and Y is all Like "How's your girlfriend?" But not in a mean way to me.

As I leave, I see Z again, she asks me if I'll be there tonight, I say deffinatly.

So here I am, I have one hour, and then I have to go to this damn "fun evening" and face X, Y and Z again. what should I do?
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Postby snail » Fri Jun 27, 2008 8:04 pm

Sorry I didn't see your post in time to advise you, Potato, but I hope you had an OK time tonight. And I hope that you carried on doing what you have been doing - being polite and friendly to Z because she's nice to you.

I can't believe some of the stupid comments X and Y made. Just ignore any silly remark, as though you didn't hear it, and talk about something else. Base your behaviour on how this person - Z - has behaved towards you and not on what anyone else says.
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Postby lorna » Fri Jun 27, 2008 8:57 pm

I don't know why but that reminds me of school a lot. Maybe she has something like Aspergers if she's really socially awkward and doesn't really know what to talk about? When I was at school I didn't know how to converse with people and would tend to talk about my special interests at the time - usually not what was the coolest thing for a teenager to be talking about. Even now I still can't do it.

From my point of view I would really have appreciated someone taking the time out just to be nice to me. Its hard to be different :(
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Sat Jun 28, 2008 4:46 am

Continue being nice to her (Z) and ignore the comments X and Y make. It's really sad what's going on but I think the most you can do is being Z's friend. How did that day go? Hope it went fine.
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Postby captainf » Sat Jun 28, 2008 1:11 pm

Atleast Z appreciates you being her friend.
I mean, X and Y have been your friend for how long? Yet they refuse to let you be friends with Z, and they wont even give her a chance. Are X and Y really worth the effort? I mean, its not as if Z is bad news and X and Y are looking out for you, they're just being purely mean.
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Postby snail » Sat Jun 28, 2008 1:18 pm

Good point, Captain.
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Postby Pwif » Sat Jun 28, 2008 2:03 pm

captain_flynn wrote:Atleast Z appreciates you being her friend.
I mean, X and Y have been your friend for how long? Yet they refuse to let you be friends with Z, and they wont even give her a chance. Are X and Y really worth the effort? I mean, its not as if Z is bad news and X and Y are looking out for you, they're just being purely mean.

I agree too. X and Y don't sound like great friends to me.
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