how do i get over my best friend? or do i even try? :(

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how do i get over my best friend? or do i even try? :(

Postby magic8ball » Wed Jun 11, 2008 5:07 pm

Hi everyone,

It was a few months ago when we were just best mates (and we still are) and one night things just happened between us, we started kissing and one thing led to another. We still remain to be best friends. The same thing has happened a few times after from then. But then one evening, we were talking about this and decided between each other that it was wrong that we were doing this and it shouldn't continue. However, it did happen again another few times.

The thing is, I know that I was doing those things because deep down, I know I've fallen for him. So much so that I can't imagine myself with other guys. He had said at one point that he was confused about how he felt but he's now decided that he only sees a friendship.

The next thing that confuses me, is that when things happen, he doesn't always put a stop to it straight away. In fact he lets things continue then after some time, he decides that we should stop. I must admit, I do initiate it most of the time. His reason for letting things continue sometimes was because 'I'm his friend, and it makes you happy'. But I said this is hurting you as much as its hurting me really. So why do we carry on.

Finally, we seemed to have stopped more often now, as in we don't even start to do things. Now, I'm finding it really hard to get over him, and just learn that I can only love him as a friend and nothing more. Also, I'm going to be visiting him in his home town in 2 weeks time, and I know things are gonna be difficult for me. I can't help the way I feel, what can I do? :(

magic8ball x
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Postby Beckie » Wed Jun 11, 2008 10:02 pm

aw thats tough !

i know its hard when you're so close to him, but in my opinion you need to keep your distance for a little while. that doesn't mean ending the friendship, its just about giving yourself some space to get over him !
i could be wrong :-s , its just that it seems like this friendship is causing you more pain than happiness so is it really worth it right now?

the fact that he allowed these things to happen does suggest that he could like you, and maybe one day it could all work out for you both. But you need to let things happen in their own time, because if you put your love life on hold because you're busy waiting for this friend, you might miss opportunities that could have worked out well for you.

i have been in a similar situation with a good friend of mine, and once we both found someone new our friendship became much easier and much stronger- so hopefully it can be the same for you !

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Postby magic8ball » Wed Jun 11, 2008 11:15 pm

thanks for your advice!

I really hope things are like that...who knows? it could simply be a case of wait and see. And to be honest, before he went back home, I had seen him pretty much every night. It was perhaps a bit too much. And also, at times, it felt like I was always going to see him, never really him coming to me, or maybe I wasn't giving him that chance.

hmm, oh i don't know! lol, but on the same token, I think you're right about the space. I've emailed him twice, and he will always reply without fail. But, I think now, I should stop giving him all this attention. and look after myself for a change maybe?

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Postby Beckie » Thu Jun 12, 2008 4:59 pm

exactly ! you'll feel better if you find someone to chase you and make you feel special ! everyone wants to be swept off their feet every once in a while x

plus, the less attention you pay a man the more he wants it ! he'll soon figure out what he's missing if he's worthy of you !

:)

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Re: how do i get over my best friend? or do i even try? :(

Postby magic8ball » Mon Dec 15, 2008 6:33 pm

Hi Beckie,

Things have moved on for me now! I am now with another guy who's lovely! The whole situation is a great one to be in, there's no longer this awful confusion over friendship and someone liking you as more than a friend. In fact, I can actually call this guy my boyfriend.

My friend, has also moved on. He now has a girlfriend. So the nice thing is that we both have our own lives. But unfortunately, I did feel almost hurt before I was with the guy I'm with now,I almost felt a bit used really. But I'm better for just forgiving and forgetting...but that will also take sometime.

I last met my friend about a week ago, he came back to visit but he came with his girlfriend. I was fine with this because I have my boyfriend now, but I can't deny that it felt a little strange. I think the best thing for me to do now is concentrate on what I have now and keep my distance with my friend, otherwise I'll feel hurt again, and that's the last thing I want to feel. At the end of the day, I want to build bridges, not burn them. It is difficult to forgive people sometimes, but I am willing to do this because, despite what I have been through, I am willing to salvage the last part of what has been a wonderful friendship.

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