Friend Dilema

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Friend Dilema

Postby TriadGirl » Wed Jul 02, 2008 9:55 pm

My best friend split up with her boyfriend in August last year and she's had a really hard time getting over it. I've stood by her, cancelled my own plans when she's needed a shoulder to cry on, listened to the break up story and her reasoning behind it over and over again, and put her up many a night when she's had nowhere to stay. Don't get me wrong i don't regret giving up my own plans to help her or even the bags i've had under my eyes the next day when i've only had a few hours sleep, its the fact now that she's met a new man (which I'm happy for her) she seems to have forgot the last ten months and now has every excuse in the book for cancelling our nights out or even returning a phone call. And if we do manage to get out he's in every pub we go into and tags along making me feel like a bit of a spare thumb. I don't have that problem with my fella as he believes a girls night out is for the girls.
Should i mention it to her or would you give the subject a wide birth for the time being.
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Postby miaow » Wed Jul 02, 2008 10:58 pm

i would be tempted to say something to her gently. She is probably so happy at the moment she may not realise what she is doing, but yeah it is not on to be fair to you. You have stood by her and she should not incorporate him into your girly nights out - meet him at then end of the -night yes but not to have him be with you all night, everytime you go out!

Tell her gently, that you'd like to spend time with her away from her new man, and also maybe all of you go out as a foursome for a meal or night out?

Dont be too harsh on her, she is in the loved up stages i bet, but yes - i would say something.
xx
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Postby Beckie » Wed Jul 02, 2008 11:44 pm

I agree that going out in a four might be a good way for her to include her new man without you feeling pushed aside.

I personally wouldn't say anything too direct that may cause an argument, but i'd drop a few hints and just casually mention that it would be nice to spend more time just the two of you, like you did for the past ten months. Remind her how close you were after her break up and tell her you miss it- that will remind her how much support you gave her too, without sounding like you're calling her ungrateful. You could even make it about both your guys, rather than just hers; suggest you get away from 'the men' for a bit and have a girly night off?

I'm sure she wouldn't disregard your feelings on purpose, she's probably just happy she's found a great new relationship, especially if she had a bad time getting over her ex. She'll still remember what a good friend you've been, and if she knows its important to you she'll probably be happy to make more time for girly time.

<3
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Postby all_apologies » Fri Jul 04, 2008 12:39 pm

It's quite hard to find the moment to say something outright in this sort of situation. If subtlety doesn't work on her (like the others have suggested above), maybe you could play her at her own game a little bit until she figures out something is wrong. If you're constantly unenthusiastic about going out with her and her boyfriend, she'll hopefully either figure it out on her own or at least ask if something is up. That would give you an inning to say that you miss going out just the two of you, and that you feel a bit of a spare part when you're out with them as a couple.

You're obviously really good friends so it'd be a shame to lose your friendship over her new boyfriend. Yet I can totally see why you're unhappy and definitely think you need to let her know one way or another.
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