Impudence?

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Postby Still_in_Chains » Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:35 am

Yellowcoaching wrote:And did you think that attitude was ok?


No it wasn't. This is why I felt rotten about not being able to do what she then asked of me. I already did what I could and I knew by not being able to fulfill her request that I'd be disappointing her and I didn't want to do that.
Previously known as Im_in_Chains
Still_in_Chains
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Tue Dec 21, 2004 5:01 pm
Location: United Kingdom

Postby Still_in_Chains » Tue Jul 22, 2008 11:22 am

This situation isn’t so much about her, it’s about me. All it has done is raise, several issues that I clearly have.

When she asked for me to print the photo, I knew I’d be disappointing her. After all, here was a beautiful photo of her and her late partner within her grasp and she was being told she couldn’t get a print of it. So, I offered her the next best alternative using the means that were available to me and that was a file on a disk.

She did not reply to that message which intensified the feeling that I’d disappointed her. I realise silence could mean anything. However, the only way I interpret silence from anyone is that I’ve upset them in some way. Well, here was a way that was immediately presented to me how I may have upset her and I hadn’t even intended to. I thought what I did initially was a kind gesture, and here it was, I feared, going horribly wrong.

This then created the feeling of inadequacy. I already did what I could and I still ended up disappointing her. Note, I have no proof of that; I’m just going by the silence as I have always interpreted it.

Even so, I still sent the file on a disk as I said I would. She may get it tomorrow but I won’t know that unless she tells me she’s received it. If I don’t hear from, I will still assume that I’ve disappointed her.

I think it may have been a defence mechanism which brought up the, Look, I did all I could; you should be grateful, feelings and I wouldn’t dare ask someone what she asked of me after they’d already made a nice gesture. All these are echoes from my childhood of hearing, “You’ll get what you’re given and you’ll like it,” and my associated fears about expressing a request, because I got shouted at for it.

But then, that conflicts with who I am. That’s not me. That’s my Mum!

Finally, there’s the hopelessness. I did what I could with what I had and I still disappointed her. Oh boy, do I feel like rubbish  :(
Previously known as Im_in_Chains
Still_in_Chains
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Tue Dec 21, 2004 5:01 pm
Location: United Kingdom

Postby Yellowcoaching » Tue Jul 22, 2008 11:41 am

By becoming more aware of where these feelings are coming from you have made a great leap toward overcoming it in the future. If you read your own post above you can see that you have started to see that you have previously made leaps of illogic and have projected your own fears and insecurities onto the other person.

Just call her tomorrow and ask her if she has the disc and has managed to get herself a copy made. I'm sure she's grateful to you.

There are articles on my site that may help you overcome your negative thinking.
You only get one life; I can help you make the most of it.
Yellowcoaching
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 148
Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2008 1:29 pm
Location: Northants

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jul 22, 2008 11:57 am

Personally I think a harmless little question asking for a photo because you had it and she didnt, and she obviously liked it a lot to ask for it - maybe she was brought up the same and had to use all of her strength and courage to ask you?

I think a stupid harmless question has been blown to epic proportions. It isn't your fault you couldnt print it off for her and its nothing to feel bad about, its you gave her a small gift that she appreciated so much, she asked for a copy to display. You thought about her and gave her the photo, and then when she asked for a printed copy you obliged the best way you could as a friend would.

If you can't ask your friends or family for something like a photo, I think the attitude "get what you are given, and you'll like it" is highly out dated especially when it is over something so simple as a photo. If you had given her a diamond ring for example and she asked for a bigger one then YES its over stepping the mark but most certainly not for a small harmless photo.
User avatar
dipsydoodlenoodle
Long Term Lodger
Long Term Lodger
 
Posts: 3928
Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 4:24 pm
Location: England
Gender: Female

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:07 pm

Still_in_Chains wrote:When she asked for me to print the photo, I knew I’d be disappointing her. After all, here was a beautiful photo of her and her late partner within her grasp and she was being told she couldn’t get a print of it. So, I offered her the next best alternative using the means that were available to me and that was a file on a disk.


If your friend was disappointed about it then it’s childish, you did after all do the next best thing you could do and send her the disk. I'm sure a proper photo developer can print the photo off much better than most peoples printers anyway. That way she can have it blown up, or normal size. I however don’t think that your friend was disappointed, maybe she just didn’t think that the message you send her required a response? I would reply with at least an ok, thank you but that is me, and not your friend. Perhaps she got the message, was in the middle of doing something and then it slipped her mind? Perhaps she did send a reply as messages do go missing in SMS space occasionally.

Yellowcoaching is right; just give her a call/message tomorrow to see if the disk has arrived. I am sure that your friend didn’t mean to give you the impression that you upset her, and maybe what should have been a simple reply of "ok" turned into a lot of unnecessary worrying on your part.
User avatar
dipsydoodlenoodle
Long Term Lodger
Long Term Lodger
 
Posts: 3928
Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 4:24 pm
Location: England
Gender: Female

Postby HappyGoLucky » Mon Jul 28, 2008 3:09 pm

I think it was very nice of you to have sent the picture to her. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You did something nice and I'm sure she appreciated it. Give her a call about it or maybe you could ask somebody else to help print it.
Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get!
HappyGoLucky
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 816
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:53 pm
Location: On planet Earth.
Gender: Female

Postby Beckie » Wed Jul 30, 2008 3:07 pm

I don't think either one of you is in the wrong; she probably didn't mean to cause any offence by asking for the picture printed, but equally you have nothing to feel guilty/ inadequate about just because you couldn't do it; what you did in the first place was a nice gesture.

Also when you say she didn't reply i'm sure that was nothing against you; receiving a lovely picture of her and her late partner possibly triggered all sorts of emotions and in the moment replying may have slipped her mind. Like some others have said.. she must have really appreciated what you did if she liked it enough to want a printed copy.

Just let it slide, i'd say it was only worth mentioning if she's constantly making you feel like that.. whats a one off between friends? if it were intentional i'd think differently but i'm sure she would never of asked if she knew how it would make you feel.


<3
User avatar
Beckie
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 98
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 5:28 pm

Postby Still_in_Chains » Thu Jul 31, 2008 8:58 am

Thank you for the replies since my last posting.

Well, I text her last Thursday about 10.00am to ask if she received the disk ok. I thought I’d leave it the extra day to allow for possible delays in the postal system. I got a delivery report meaning she got the message but she didn’t reply.

I re-sent the text the following day around 6.30pm. No delivery report this time which either meant her phone was off or the network held the message for a while. I went to bed just after 9pm and turned my phone off. When I turned it on Saturday morning, I got a delivery report through and the time stamp was just before 10.30pm the night before. She didn’t reply to that message either and I’ve not heard from her since.

The only colour printers I could possibly use are those at work but I’m not back there until September as we’re on our summer break. I’ve been looking at photo paper because to print a photo on ordinary paper lacks the quality it deserves. Obviously, the photo paper is sold in packs and not individually which is all I require. So, it looks like it’d have to be ordinary paper.

I’m concerned that I’ve not heard anything from her. She should have received the disk by now and after sending two texts as well… I understand she could be out of credit as I believe she’s on a pre-pay tariff. But, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve really, really upset her.
Previously known as Im_in_Chains
Still_in_Chains
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Tue Dec 21, 2004 5:01 pm
Location: United Kingdom

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Jul 31, 2008 10:38 am

I think you are bing way too paranoid about this

You did something nice, you couldn't do a physical copy so you did the next best thing

She would be a really unreasonable person to get upset about something you physically couldn't do

As you say she is on pay as you go. Having no credit means she CAN'T rply. If she opens the messages late at night as indicated she probably forgets all about it by the morning

If you are really bothered ring her to check she got the disk and explain your not at work or you would gladly have done her the (small) favour of printing the picture for her

I seriously think you are getting this so out of prespective
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

Cheap Pandora Charms UK

User avatar
Bel Bel
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Fully Fledged Flatmate
 
Posts: 6758
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 1:58 pm
Location: Hertfordshire
Gender: Female

Previous

Return to Friends

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron