Gaumless friends

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Gaumless friends

Postby Tarantula » Sun Aug 24, 2008 11:46 pm

Hi all

Recently, I've felt thoroughly disappointed by my best friends, because they seem to be getting increasingly self-pitying and generally boring.

There are three. I've currently fallen out with two of them. One told me that he couldn't be bothered to come round for a sleepover the other day. It turns out he'd rather sit at home on MSN chatting up a 14 year old girl (we're all 17) who he's probably never gonna meet because of distance.

Another has maintained an online relationship for a while with someone who lives in another continent, and she has recently come back from meeting her girlfriend in real life, and told us all she wants out. But instead of actually ending the relationship, she'd rather procrastinate and let the drama continue. She also barely contributes at all socially, is generally gaumless and prefers to stare into space when one of us tries to get her to join in with whatever we're doing.

The third has recently told us he's transgender, and we have (and will) support him as far as possible. BUT he's decided to act very differently since telling us, refuses to walk to a public toilet by himself because he's 'scared', won't go on a fairground ride 'cause he has a headache, just wants to do, well, nothing much. We (my bf and I) think he's faking a 'girly' attitude, like he has something to prove. He was freaking out about telling his parents about his transgenderness, and they took it extremely well and have been generally supportive - but he's still whinging, because apparently they don't 'acknowledge' it enough. Oh, and he brought a pizza round to ours for a sleepover, knowing I was going to cook, which I found very offensive.

This annoyance I have for the three of them is an accumulation of events happening mainly within the last week. It's as if I woke up one morning and my friends were all aliens (!).

I'n starting college in september, a different one to the one they all go to, and I'm considering really putting effort into making new friends, and taking it from there.

I know I must sound insensitive and maybe selfish, and they've been my friends for a couple of years, and are very reliable and loyal (we're something of an elitist, nerdy group)... But you're meant to have fun with your friends aswell as sort through their problems as and when, surely.

All we seem to do is have fruitless sleepovers, and I'm normally the one who organises outings, which I tend to later regret as I always have the impression they didn't really enjoy themselves, I just feel like asking them in turn, 'do you still have a pulse...?'

Rant over.
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Postby Bel Bel » Tue Aug 26, 2008 9:26 am

as we grow older we do grow apart from some friends
don't cut them off completely but I agree not to make so much effort with them and definately look for new friends at college
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Postby Moxxy » Fri Aug 29, 2008 8:05 am

it sounds as if your transgendered friend wants more attention for being transgendered, and people in his life have been surprisingly cool about it. maybe he isnt as cool about it as everyone else is and is seeking reassurance that he should feel self conscious, rather than celebrating.

if you agree, maybe you should say this to him, even though it sounds rude it might shake him out of his self pity. its not as if you havent tried to get him to have fun.

then if he continues to act in this way, as well as your other friends, at least you are going to college soon and can find new friends to have fun with. i agree with bel bel though, don't break off the friendships entirely, it may just be a faze they are going through x
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Postby Liquidius » Fri Aug 29, 2008 5:35 pm

I know it sounds kinda harsh, but sometimes you do just "outgrow" your friends. They can become annoying because they don't have the same opinions, ideas and goals as you have.

As Bel Bel said, I wouldn't cut them off completely - perhaps spending less time with them would give you a chance to miss them. That way, when you next see them, you may actually enjoy your time together.

In the mean time, there isn't anything wrong with looking for some other like minded people to spend your time with.
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