Wedding confusion...

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Wedding confusion...

Postby Weasley » Wed Sep 24, 2008 5:18 pm

Can anybody help on what I can only describe as Wedding Etiquette?
My best friend is getting married shortly and I am Maid of Honor but she is asking me to pay for my own dress? Is this right? Only I thought the bride paid for the bridesmaids dresses etc? This is a little difficult for me as it is her wedding and understandibly she wants to pick the dress but the dress she has picked out is £200! She is getting married in November next year and is asking me for the money now but I don't just have £200 I can hand over for a dress! I am getting married next year also and am busy planning and would not ask her to pay for her dress as I am buying all the bridesmaids dresses but have a good mind to now! Am I been petty? I just need to know if this is the norm and if not how I can tell her subtly that I am not paying for the dress!

Thanks guys!
xxx :)
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Postby dayle » Wed Sep 24, 2008 8:40 pm

I would say talk to her about it - say why don't you buy the dress for her to wear at your wedding and vice versa. Normally I think the bride pays. I'm bridesmaid at my sisters wedding and will be buying the dress - but I also get to pick it and it won't be £200

I think you are well within the bounds of etiquette to say you can't afford the dress she wants. But since you are getting married it should really be the same rule for both.
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Postby blueskies » Wed Sep 24, 2008 9:03 pm

This is an interesting one as I have just got married and I didn't know anything about bridesmaids paying for there dresses but so people kept saying the bridesmaids are supposed to pay but I payed, you can't ask your bridesmaids to do a job that is an honor to do then leave them out of pocket!
especially as the dress in question is £200 if this is the case maybe suggest you go half's for the dress or go for a cheaper dress, My dresses were 150 each and I had 6 bridesmaids!

I hope this helps.
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Postby Weasley » Thu Sep 25, 2008 8:57 am

Thanks for your replies...I just don't see why I should have to pay £200 for a dress that I am only going to wear once, but I feel bad asking her to pay for hers as I was going to buy my other 3 bridesmaids theirs?
Also I'm a bit angry that she wants the money now - I mean she's not getting married until November and I'm getting married before that. She sent me a text saying "I've seen the dress, it's £200. When can you give me the money?" and I text back saying "Not until the New Year now." She then responded "Well I want to get the dress you see before it goes" so me been me said "well can't you get it and I can pay you back?" She didn't text back so I must of upset her but I don't see how? £200 is a lot of money to pay for a dress, if it was £60-80 I wouldn't mind so much but I have my own things to save for. I don't want to upset her but I really don't want to pay for the dress!
xxx :)
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Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Sep 25, 2008 9:09 am

I always assumed the bride got them. Couldn't she look into hiring one for the day?
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Postby LemonJuice87 » Thu Sep 25, 2008 10:21 am

Traditionally, the Bride pays for the Bridesmaids dresses. Since the Bridesmaids are the Bride's guests. (Wow, said Bride alot in there then lol)

Maybe your friend is on a budget?

My sister is and has asked all her bridesmaids to buy thier own dresses as long as they are in with her colour scheme.
You know you're a mum when the thought of food shopping alone becomes exciting.

When you and your significant other are having an argument, just take all of your clothes off during the spat and stand there. Something is bound to happen!! =]
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Postby Weasley » Thu Sep 25, 2008 10:58 am

I don't mind buying my own dress but I haven't even got a free reign to do so. I'm been told what dress to buy and how much to spend. It's such an awkward situation...I really don't know what to do?
I think I will suggest the hiring...
xxx :)
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Postby all_apologies » Thu Sep 25, 2008 12:41 pm

Yeah this is an awkward situation! Have you spoken to the other bridesmaids?

Maybe you could tell her that you can't afford to pay the £200, and would she mind if you picked your own dress instead? That way, if you're having to pay for your dress, you're at least getting to choose something you like and within your own price range.
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Postby Weasley » Thu Sep 25, 2008 3:59 pm

I have not spoken to the other bridemaids yet as they are her family who I don't see...
I could suggest buying my own dress but she is very meticulous and I'm not sure how she would react? I guess I can only hope and pray - I should just bite the bullet and tell her there's no way I'm paying £200 for a dress when I have my own to worry about. I could also suggest going halves? I think that's fair?
xxx :)
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Postby pink stripes » Thu Sep 25, 2008 6:21 pm

i've alwyas thought it was the Bride who paid for the dresses - and to be honest £200 on one dress is quite a bit to pay out. especially as you;re getting married yourself!
be honest wiht her, if she doesn't like it tough.
you have your onw things to buy, she should at least offer to go halves!
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Postby Pwif » Thu Sep 25, 2008 10:41 pm

I'm not an expert, but I thought it was the bride who paid for the bridesmaid's dress. You only wear it once; it's what the bride chooses. I personally would have a word with the bride and say that it's way above what you can afford. She may not have put enough thought into this (because she's concerned about the rest of the arrangements). If she's a true friend, she'll understand where you're coming from.

xxxx
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Postby all_apologies » Fri Sep 26, 2008 3:20 pm

I don't think she can argue with the fact that you can't afford it. It is difficult to hint to her that she should be paying for the dresses anyway. Yet it's not difficult to tell her you don't have that kind of money to spare, and offer to choose and buy something yourself. Falling out with you won't generate the £200, so it'd be pointless! If she's desperate for you to wear her dress, she'll pay for it, and if she's not, at least you don't have to shell out all that on a dress you'll never wear again.
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Postby Weasley » Fri Sep 26, 2008 3:47 pm

Thank you all for your replies. I have been having a long text conversation with my friend today about the whole situation. I told her that there was no way I could afford £200 and after a bowt of moaning and complaining and her telling me I was going to ruin her day (at which point I said "Well if I'm going to ruin your day by not wanting to spend £200 on a dress of your choice then you better find someone else to") she has agreed to pay half and I will pay half or we find a dress worth £100 that I am willing to pay myself.
Phew...one less thing to worry about I guess!
Thanks again for your help. Guess I was just worried about making her mad but these things have to be done otherwize people just walk all over you!
xxx :)
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