Best Friend in trouble.

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Best Friend in trouble.

Postby LemonJuice87 » Fri Sep 26, 2008 11:38 am

I don’t know where to even start with this one. This is REALLY long, so go grab a cupper - two sugars please. =]

Right, my best friend, we'll call her Penny. We were in school together have been best friends for around - 10 years now. As any other normal person we've had arguments. Two REALLY big ones over men of all things. The last one was a big one and it was over my pregnancy, I wont go into it to much, but basically I was going out with my daughters Dad and Penny was going out with his best friend. They played us off against each other, saying the other had said things, when we hadn’t.

She doesn’t come from a very loving family. The one person in her whole family (Which is quite large) she gets on with is her Nan. Her Nan more or less brought her up, her mother constantly tells Penny she was mistake and was constantly kicking her out. When we were 17-18 Penny lived with me for around 7 months. My Mum took her on and it was fun. Penny's Mother has always hated me, i have no idea why. Apparently I’m a bad influence on Penny lol. Which considering Penny's un-bringing and behavior back then, it was the other way round.

We made up in May and it was great. She loves Angela (my daughter) and Angela loves her. She had/has a new boyfriend, we'll call him Russ. I cannot stand him, I really cant. She told me that he'd beaten her up while weren't speaking. She'd phoned the police but later dropped the charges thinking he'd changed because he told her he loved her. I can understand that to a degree because all she has ever wanted is to be loved.

She lived with a friend - we'll call her Ruth. But Ruth didn’t want to carry on with the lease on their flat, so Penny and Russ talked and he said she could move in. Since then Ruth has made Penny's life a living hell. Ruth has turned all their friends against Penny and spread a lot of rumors round our village. Rumors that I heard before me and Penny made up.

That aside for a moment. When me and Penny made up, she had just moved into Russ' flat. Apparently from what she's told me it was brilliant at first (honeymoon faze I can only imagine). Then he started controlling her. Telling her who she could and couldn’t see, going through her phone. Even going to the extent of locking her in the flat.
She had enough, and moved out. And moved in with me again. Now I live with my Dad and Angela. It's over-crowded as it is. But none the less I couldn’t see her on the streets.

Eventually she made up with Russ. She would stay at his on the night and come back to mine in the mornings. He didn’t want her in his flat so would make her walk from his to mine at 7am. I had to get her some keys cut because I was sick of getting up that early just to open the door.

My boyfriend, we'll call him Lee. Lee went to V festival and he said i could stop at his with Angela. I love it at his house and planned on staying there for a week. Penny came round on the Sunday night, we had some food and a drink. To cut a LONG story short, Penny went to Russ' and he beat the rubbish out of her. All because he was on the phone to me, asking me where Penny was, I told him she was on her way to his. Then he started been rude to me. (Sexually rude) Then telling me Lee could never satisfy me like he could. Where that came from I don’t know. So I hung up and phoned Penny and told her. She wasn’t up-set or anything. But she confronted him about it, and that’s why he beat her up, he threw her down the stairs (Flat stairs, so they are concrete) she managed to stop herself falling half way down. He LAUGHED then ran down to her and kicked her the rest of the way. She phoned me in tears and I told her to phone the police and to come round. Meanwhile, Russ went to MY Dads house shouting his mouth off. Woke my Dad up at like 2am, why he went to my Dads is beyond me. Russ had phoned me and was then shouting his mouth off at me, asking me why I had lied about the phone call and that he was gonna kill Penny. Nice boyfriend really.
The police came round, took a statement etc etc. She swore to me she wouldn’t drop the charges this time. I told her I would press charges myself if she dropped them.

Penny got depressed and her doctor put her onto Anti-Depressants. Tip of the ice berg for her really. The last thing she wanted was to depend on drugs for her to feel herself again.

Lee got back from V festival on the Monday morning. Understandably he went for a bath and went to bed. Penny said she would take Angela out for the day and let me and Lee...Urrrm... catch up lol. This would have been around 11am. I phoned her at 4pm and told her she could bring Angela back now. She knocked on the door, kind of like chucked the baby at me, and stormed off in tears. I stood there for like 10 mins wondering what the hell just happened. I phoned her and she wouldn’t answer. Russ text me and told me to go out and find Penny because she had text him saying "The next time you see me I’ll be in the newspaper. All I ever wanted was to be loved, you couldn’t even manage that. Bye x"
Then Penny text me and said "Everyone told me things would get better, but they are getting worse. Tell Angela i love her. I'm sorry. Love you xx"
I told Lee to take Angela back to my Dads and to explain what’s happened. I went out in the pouring rain to look for her, I looked every where. I couldn’t find her. I was phoning both Penny and Russ. Russ wouldn’t even get off his backside to help me look.
She text me after about 3 hours and told me she was ok. I wasn’t very amused and told her if she ever pulled a stunt like that again I would kill her myself.
Ever since she has been so stressed out. She is in so much debt, her joint account with Ruth is waaaay in debt. And her personal account is in a lot of debt because of charges. She owes over 300 on her phone, she's lost her job, home, family. She gets that stressed some days she ends up with her head over the loo all day. This freaks me out as I have a phobia about people been sick.

Again to cut a long story short, she's dropped the charges. Again. She said that she wants to hurt him in a different way. Meaning, she wants to beat the rubbish out of him the same way he did to her.

Now, at this moment in time. Penny is in Cyprus at her Nan and Granddads villa. She phoned me in tears yet again the other day saying that her Granddad had gone mad at her and she was coming home. Penny's Mum phoned her Nan and told her that Penny is taking all sorts of drugs, like speed, coke, pills, heroin and horse tranquilizers. Oh and that she's sleeping with all Russ' mates. So her Nan has had a right go at her.

And now, I don’t know if I can be the supportive best friend anymore. It’s just too much now. I have my own problems to deal with without having to take hers as well.
I've done as much as I can for her, I’ve given her a roof over her head. I even give her abit of money when she looks after Angela for me. I put up with her splitting up with Russ, then running back to him when he wants her. Hate is a really strong word, but I hate Russ for what he's done to her. I don’t like seeing her like this, but I don’t know what to do anymore.
I though her going to Cyprus for two weeks would sort her head out, she would relax and come back refreshed and able to work everything out. But it's made her worse.
She's coming back tonight and I’m going on holiday tomorrow. I feel guilty for leaving her now.

I'm so sorry this is really really long, but I needed to get it all out before I exploded. Any advice what so ever will be greatly appreciated.
You know you're a mum when the thought of food shopping alone becomes exciting.

When you and your significant other are having an argument, just take all of your clothes off during the spat and stand there. Something is bound to happen!! =]
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Postby snail » Fri Sep 26, 2008 12:32 pm

Penny's problems aren't your fault Lemon, but it sounds like she doesn't have anyone else who's any use at the moment (some people's families are so useless it's unbelievable!). When you get back from hols, could you frog-march her to her GP? Tell him/her everything you've said in this post about drugs, violence, sex, and suicide, and stress that she is a significant danger to herself and MUST be treated further.

If she has another very bad episode again, take her to A & E as a psychiatric emergency, and try to get her kept in for a while for her own safety.

Apart from this, I don't see that there is anything else you can do, unfortunately. This problem is beyond your skills as an ordinary person.

But please also press any charges you can think of against Russ, assuming you feel safe for you and your family to do so.
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