its not fair

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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its not fair

Postby beckim_faadf » Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:12 pm

my friend doesnt understand what its like to be me, in my situation with her.

we've been so close over the last four years, practically finishing eachothers sentences and spending all our time together. we could tell eachother anything, and i loved her so much, to me, she was family. she helped me through so many hard times with my family, and i felt closer to her family than my own. she was always there for me to lean on, and to help me take my mind off whatever was going on at home.

but about 8 months ago, things started to change when she started having relations with a girl of whom i knew, and so did everyone as a complete witch who cheated, lied, screwed people around and manipulated everyone for her own advantage. she set her sights on my best friend, and decided if she wanted her, she would have her, despite already having a girlfriend, and screwing around with two other girls.

me and everyone else told my friend the sort of person that she was, her reputation, but my friend is so gullable, and so niave, she didnt listen to anything anyone had to say, and was just overcome with "love". because i was her best friend, i tried to talk her out of things, but it only pushed her further away. soon enough, the new girlfriend was making sure my friend was alienated from everyone she ever hung around with, and treated her so badly. whenever i would get the rare chance to spend time with her, the girlfriend would be ringing, texting, telling my friend that if she didnt talk to her, she would dump her. so obviously, my friend chose to basically screw me, and everyone else over for this idiot.

the girlfriend treats my friend so badly, messing around with ehr emotions, and manipulates her to do whatever she wants her to do, such as paying for everything, cancelling everything to be with her. my friend was a fantastic student, very intelligent, and now her education is going down the pan, all for this witch.

all this time ive told my friend what type of person this witch is, and she doesnt listen. however, things started looking up last week when my friend decided, after an argument with the girlfriend, that enough was enough, and split up with her. this isnt the first time this has happened, however everytime, the girlfriend just uses sex to get her back where she wants her, and promises to treat her right from then on, but its not long before its back to the norm.

the girlfriend told her this time round that she couldnt live without her, and slit her wrists, though obviously not bad enough to actually die. this didnt work to her favour, and only got my friend more angry at her, becuase even she could see through this act of attention seeking. so they decided to cool things off for a while, with the girlfriend "distraught" because she "had lost something so precious".

my friend didnt text or ring her over that weekend, because she had decided to see what it was like not talking to her for a few days. the beginning of this week came, and my friend met up with the now ex gf. the ex gf decided to act in the same way she normally did, (ie all lovey-dovey), despite knowing they werent together. this is common of the witch, bearing in mind, she likes things her way, and if she wants to have sex and kiss etc. my friend, she is going to.
however, later that night, she tells my friend that she is now seeing someone else. "not going out with, just seeing". well so much for "devastation". when my friend asked what this meant for the two of them, the gf says (quote): "as soon as im bored with ****, ill come back to you". its incredibly hard to believe that someone, despite just how stupid they are, can actually think that they can treat people in this way.

so at the moment, my friend is just "going along with it", letting the gf walk all over her, and do what she wants, when she wants. the gf does whoever she fancies doing at the particular moment, and still thinks in her pycho mind that its ok to then go back to the person shes pushed around the last 8 months.


however, all of this is just background knowledge, to understand my situation.

the real problem, and cause of my state of anger, and just general sadness, is that i have been nothing but caring over my friend. i dont want her to go through what every other girl this witch has got involved with has gone through. i care so much about her, and she just doesnt give a damn.

up to this point, i always though it was the witch of a gf who has been feeding my friend with bull about me, and how i dont want my friend to be happy, and how im "just jealous because she is the better one out of the both of us".

but earlier today, i found myself looking at the inbox of my friend (and i know its a terrible thing to do, invasion of privacy, and i am sorry that i did it) only to look back over the emails sent during the begining stages of their relationship, when ours was in the midst of breaking down, to find my friend saying things about me such as "omg, becki (me) had such a HUGE spaz today, it was hilarious, she phoned my house (the friend) and my bro told her i was outside with you (the gf), and shge just hung up". other comments such as "becki is just jealous because i beat her for head girl". those two comments were just two of many sent by my friend to her girlfriend. the comments sent back to my friend from her gf, proves my suspicion of her bad mouthing me. comments such as "you were always the better one"..."beckis weird".
those were again just a few of many sent by the gf this time, to my friend.

I know it sounds as if either im a stalker whos obsessed with my friend, or im worrying too much about nothing, but I swear its neither. I want my friend to be happy, but I don’t want her to get hurt, and ruin her life by hanging around with this witch.
But it just hurt me a lot when I read what my friend had said about me, bearing in mind we have been pretty much inseparable since we met, and I have never, and will never say anything like that about her, I wouldn’t even think it. It just hurt me, because ive always cared for her, and wanted the best for her, and she throws it back in my face, and shows that she just doesn’t care.

I don’t really know what I wanted out of posting this on the internet, I guess I just wanted to let it all out as they say.

If anyone has any advice, or just anything to say to me, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this.


edited by all_apologies: no swearing, please
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Postby reckoner » Thu Oct 09, 2008 10:03 pm

Hi beckim_faadf,

It's a horrible feeling when someone throws your feelings for them back in your face. It sounds like you need to stop banging your head against a brick wall. The reason why the girlfriend thinks she can get away with treating people like this is because she can - your friend is volunteering.

It's a mystery why and how people like the girlfriend exist, but the best advice can only ever be to stay the hell away. Once your friend chose to ignore yours and everyone else's advice, there was nothing more to be done about it.

The only conclusion I can see is that your friend simply did not value your relationship as much as you did. Whether it's because the girlfriend poisoned her mind, or it was of her own accord is, I reckon, effectively irrelevant.

It may be that your friend comes to regret her choice, but you need to be well out of it by then.

As well as the morals of it, raiding your friend's inbox was never going to end well. It never can. If your friend finds out, it will feed their fire. But if it helps you recognise that any more energy you spend on your friend will be wasted, then one good thing will have come of it. But getting into the habit can only go wrong.

I'm sorry you've had to learn this about your friend. Save yourself from any more grief from this situation.

Good luck, take care.
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Postby Bel Bel » Fri Oct 10, 2008 1:06 pm

I totally agree with reckoner and would add sometimes people say things behind your back they haven't the guts to say to your face or they do it to show off to the other person (in this case it got you friend brownie points with the witch)
You'll never know for sure but either way shje has betrayed your friendship and I would be wary as she could do it so easily again if she is either that nasty or so easily led
Find some new friends and move on from this whole dramatic saga and let your friend get on with it
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Postby HappyGoLucky » Mon Oct 13, 2008 1:53 pm

Hi, beckim_faadf.

You sound like a very caring person from your post and I'm sorry that you found that out. Keep in mind that your "friend" was probably too cowardly to say those things directly to you and took to saying it about behind your back instead. Maybe it's a sort of blessing in disguise - at least you know how she really is now. Make some new friends - you deserve better.
Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get!
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Postby Millenia » Mon Oct 13, 2008 3:56 pm

It very much sounds like you value friendships alot more than your 'friend' does.

When she choose to not listen to you anymore you can't do much, wether you decide to be there or not when it all comes crashing down is up to you.
As the previous posts say your friend is letting this witch do these things to her, and only she can say enough is enough.

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Postby bunnikins » Thu Oct 23, 2008 3:46 pm

Love is a wierd thing and makes people seem irrational - your friend sent those messages during the spell that your friendship was breaking down down and maybe she was letting off a little steam to someone who was keen to listen. Also when people are in love that person is the most important one at that time, regardless of how long another relationship has been going on - all the focus goes in one direction. You should be there for your friend if you can forgive her comments - it sounds like this will all end horribly for her and she will need you - I can't imagine what it feels like for someone you are in love with to be open that they are holding you as a consellation prize in case an alternative relationship doesn't pan out - that a disgusting way to treat people but happens a lot more than we would like to think. You sound like a very caring friend and I hope this all gets sorted soon. [-o<
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