Have i served my purpose?

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Have i served my purpose?

Postby Anjelica » Mon Dec 01, 2008 11:50 pm

Ok well for several reasons im going to keep this post fairly vague, but i just wanted somebodies advice really, both myself and my friend have been friends for about 4 years. Early into the friendship we were like best mates im female and he is male. As previously stated in other posts i left where we worked together and went somewhere new (which i hated and subsequently left) anyway then things changed.

We hardly txted each other or chatted on msn and it was impossible to chat cause of our schedules. So as time went on it would usually end up with me getting offended with him cause it can get irritating when people dont bother to txt u back. (or is this just me?) and then 2 years on and its still the same except for the fact that he gets a girlfriend and promotion whilst I have a really bad 7 months leaving my job and feeling quite lonely and depressed. So my resentment you could say is growing because im feeling like he doesnt care unless he wants to get in contact with me to brag about something.

Throughout all this though weve shared a common interest in a career and D Day was approaching for us both, about 3 months had gone by at this time and he hadnt spoken to me and then as i predicted he txted a week before to make arrangements.(hes like clockwork sometimes and very predictable) And it was like old times for a few days. Anyway if youre still keeping up... there was a misunderstanding and he realised we were attending D Day at different times and then I was back out in the cold again cause he didnt need me anymore.

And basically at some point in the future we will discover if weve made the cut so to speak. Hes an over achiever and will have definately made it... whilst im a try hard but never pass the first time kind of person (it took me a lot of times to pass my driving test so this gives u an indication) and im dreading this time as i think the dwindling friendship we already have will be pulled apart because hes bad enough already for communication let alone once hes moved on in his life. And im scared ill feel destroyed. And just to put things in perspective i logged onto msn and he was on there and for the 2 and half hours i was on he just ignored me and although it made me feel bad i just pretended like i didnt care because i didnt want to seem clingy.

Do you think this friendship is doomed and im trying to hold onto to a friend thats pulling away or do u think ive served my purpose now and its like out of sight out of mind??? Im sorry its so long but Im a typer and this is the best place i can think where i can get anonomity. :cry: it just makes me feel so sad.
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Re: Have i served my purpose?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Dec 02, 2008 10:14 am

Well for one a lot of men are bad at keeping in touch and just don’t “think” to get in contact unless there is something to get in contact for. I have a male friend like this but I don’t ever believe he does it because he doesn’t care; I believe he just doesn’t think to ask “how are you?” My bf and his friends don’t really talk unless they are arranging times to meet or do something (also like my dad and his brothers).

Anjelica wrote:And just to put things in perspective i logged onto msn and he was on there and for the 2 and half hours i was on he just ignored me and although it made me feel bad i just pretended like i didnt care because i didnt want to seem clingy

How do you know he was on msn? Maybe he was signed in but not on it, or maybe his gf was on the computer and it had automatically signed on accidentally. I’ve been on msn before looked at who was on, got on with what I wanted to do and as I was going to sign out an hour or hours later I realised one of my best friends was on; I didn’t ignore him it’s just that I didn’t see him sign on so didn’t talk to him. Also my bf when he first signs on his computer and on to the internet msn automatically signs on; it doesn’t mean to say he is ANYWHERE near his computer – the same could have happened to your friend.
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Re: Have i served my purpose?

Postby reckoner » Tue Dec 02, 2008 11:50 pm

Hi Anjelica,

I think you have to accept that the friendship is not going to be how it was when you worked together. I don't think it's because the friendship's doomed, or that you've served your purpose, it's just because you're no longer part of his everyday routine. If he's an 'over achiever' and very ambitious and focussed on work, it stands to reason that, once you've left the scene, he won't have as much to talk to you about, and it'll probably be the same with all the friends he makes at work; he'll be in contact with them less when he or they move on.

It's no reason not to continue the friendship, you just have to accept that contact will be less. I doubt that he only phones you up to 'brag'. I'm sure if you got promoted, or got a great new job, you'd want to tell him about it and share your happiness with him. The fact that you got on well when he did get in touch suggests you should maintain the friendship, even if it's not as often as before.

I think the main problem here is not your friend, I think it's your work situation. It sounds like it's been bad for you since you left the place where he works, and when you hear that he is doing well, it reminds you that you're not happy. Rather than worry about things with your friend, I think you need to concentrate on improving your work situation.

About passing your driving test first time: statistically, second time passers are safer than first time passers. It sounds like you're like me; it takes you a long time to learn something. You may have failed your driving test the first time, but you passed it the second time. That shows you learn from your mistakes. That is the most important quality you can have. The best education can come from learning from mistakes. So stop describing yourself as a try hard as if that's a bad thing. All any employer wants of any employee is for them to try hard and to learn from their mistakes.

It's really bad out there for jobs at the moment, so remember that you're not the only one in that boat and try and have hope that things will work out, and don't give up looking. Very best of luck.
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Re: Have i served my purpose?

Postby Tyro » Wed Dec 03, 2008 1:44 pm


Sounds to me like you and him have kind of drifted apart. When you guys were seeing each other at work every day of course you were going to be close and get on great with each other. But as time goes on situations change and people change.

I know for a fact as a guy I’m rather bad at keeping in touch. And generally catch up with old friends in big chunks and then don’t speak to them again for as long as 6 months or more. I still care about these friends and wonder “how they are” but only when I can free up my schedule is a catch up in order. This is the way life is when you have a job and personal life. It’s hard to juggle everything. I think he’s just trying to keep on top of his work and spend time with his girl friend. You don’t need to take it personally.

What you need to do is stop worrying and getting down in the dumps about him. I bet if you forgot about him he’ll be the one that contacts you and starts making all the effort! And being a try harder is a good quality to have! People notice people who try hard! And respect them for it!

Best Wishes

Tyro x
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