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IT got worse between my mate and this girl she proposed

PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:37 pm
by dandedoodles
Ive posted a about my friend before and this girl he meet on the internet, well things have got worse, she proposed to him on tuesday through the computer my friend said no not yet untill they actually meet and see how things get on, shes also talking about moving over hear to be closer to him, he says that she doesnt want to move fast but she is

Its really driving me mad that shes jumping to fast when they havent even met,
please help me with any advice

It just seems even more strange that she proposed to him the other day

would anyone else ask someone to marrie them if they havent meet

Re: IT got worse between my mate and this girl she proposed

PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:47 pm
by snail
I wouldn't read too much into it, it's the sort of silly, impulsive, romantic thing people say in the early stages of a relationship when everything's new and exciting. She wouldn't really marry him without having met him first, or move here without a good reason.

I think you have to let your friend handle this himself. Advise him, by all means, but what he does is up to him.

Although I do think someone should tell this poor woman that he is still in a relationship, and regularly sleeping with someone else.

Re: IT got worse between my mate and this girl she proposed

PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 2:20 pm
by Bel Bel
it could all be some big wind up but she certainly seems a bit desperate if not but as I said before you can't stop your mate if it's what he wants to do

Re: IT got worse between my mate and this girl she proposed

PostPosted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 9:21 pm
by reckoner
Hi dandedoodles,

Bel Bel wrote:you can't stop your mate if it's what he wants to do


This is the bottom line. The hardest thing with friends, or anyone you care for, is when they do things you don't agree with. It can seem like watching a car crash in slow motion, you can see how it's going to end but there's nothing you can do to stop it. But, ultimately, if you respect your friend, you have to respect their choices.

However, I share your opinion, it seems madness to be talking about marriage before they've even met. I know how easy it is for intense relationships to develop in certain circumstances, like being on holiday and being online. It's as though the limited nature of the relationship, knowing that it can only exist in temporary or particular circumstances, intensifies the feelings. You end up sharing intimate things with people that are relative, or 'real world', strangers. So it's important to have friends to provide some kind of perspective, or a second opinion, and I reckon your friend needs friends who can do that.

The thing is you have to be really careful. You have to tread a very narrow line. You mustn't undermine the relationship he has with this person because it's important to him. If he doesn't think you're taking that seriously, he won't take you seriously. And you have to offer your opinion sparingly. If he thinks you're just going to go on at him, or keep saying the 'same old things', he won't listen to you. And if he doesn't want your opinion, then you shouldn't give it. So, think hard about what you want to say, how you're going to say it and choose your time carefully, asking his permission to give your opinion first. He must know, above all, that you have only what's best for him at heart, so you have to take what he has to say very seriously. And understand that it's his responsibility to know what's best for him, not yours.

Be there for him, support him and respect his wishes. And good luck, because it's not easy.

Re: IT got worse between my mate and this girl she proposed

PostPosted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 11:19 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
Sounds to me like she wants a get out of her own country quick...i.e. VISA!

I don't know if she is in another country but I think you said she is coming "over" to visit.

Re: IT got worse between my mate and this girl she proposed

PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 9:36 pm
by spacegirl
dipsy you took the words right out of my mouth...

Re: IT got worse between my mate and this girl she proposed

PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 12:15 am
by dogtan
I dont mean to be rude but isnt that for your friend to worry about?