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Jealous friend?

PostPosted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 2:49 pm
by Jonaslove
I posted on here a little while ago about getting friendlier with two friends who i used to be very close to again, and my closest friend not liking it.

I got some advice to take us all out together and maybe take my closest friend out with me first before we got there so that she felt comfortable. I suggested it to my two friends that all go for a meal and they were really up for it. So i asked my closest friend and she said she would come, but didnt want to come out with me before we went. I was a bit confused but just said okay and told her where to meet. We went out and it was really nice, everything was going will the conversation was flowing but she was still a bit quiet sometimes.

Everything was ok at school, but it just wasnt back to normal with my closest friend. We used to be SO close. Now we talk but theres no always stuff to talk about and it feels weird! But it was getting better we were both making an effort and we were starting to get back to how we were.

And then my two friends who i used to be very close to, invited me out yesterday so I went. My closest friend found out that we went out and is now saying that another girl is her best friend and barely talking to me. Im at the bottom of her list. Shes even talking to the two other friends I went out with! If i went out with ANYONE else she wouldnt have cared. Its just that I went out with them. And I didnt organise it either. She hasnt asked me about it or anything just assumed things and is now ignoring me. I think she thinks that i organised it and purposely didnt invite her, but its not like that at all. They invited me. Should I just have said no, and not gone? I really dont know what Im supposed to do

I know shes very insecure and I know she feels like im replacing her, but Ive told her time and time again that Im not i just miss being close to them awell. She has another very close friend (who shes now saying is her best friend) and goes out with her all the time and i dont mind at all. I dont see why it should be one way for her, and another for me. The way shes being is making me feel awful, like I really have done wrong, but everyone keeps saying that I havent. Do you think i have? Please help me out im so tired of this. :cry:

PostPosted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 5:00 pm
by morris mouse
It really hurts,doesn't it,when people who should be friends "turn" on you. :( (even worse,this was your BEST friend)

I also notice,from your post,that two friends who you used to be very close to, invited you out
(and you went,why not. :)) You say that you didn't organise this,& I believe you.

Please believe me,you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. To be honest,you've done your very best & it's
your former best friend who should feel guilty about her behaviour. She owes you an apology (but I doubt if you'll
ever get it!!! :cry:)

Re: Jealous friend?

PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 8:08 am
by sarahmienwok
morris mouse is right, you've done all you can by your friend, and she isn't seeing it. That's not your fault, you have nothing to feel guilty for. Keep trying with her by all means, but go out and have fun aswell. Make sure she always feels welcome, just in case she decides to grow up a bit. I think she is just a little too immature still, whereas you and your other friends have grown up quicker. I think you're really lucky having your two other friends around, they seem like really nice people. She may come around, I hope she will.

I remember as a teenager, I was used by the girls at my school, and left out of things a lot. I just found other friends who treated me right. However, I don't believe you're doing that to your friend. You're not leaving her out, she's leaving herself out. That's not your problem, it's hers. So keep doing what your doing until she realises her own actions.

Re: Jealous friend?

PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 10:17 am
by HappyGoLucky
Hmm, I'm in something a little similar to this. However, my best friend and I are still okay when we talk to each other - I only feel a little left out when she goes to her other friend! Anyway, back to the main subject. Why don't you send her a text message saying that you didn't invite them but that they invited you - to clear things up. Overall, I think you've done pretty well in handling this. If she doesn't want to grow up a bit and see things clearer, it really is her loss. Oh, and couldn't you ask the two other friends to help smooth things up? Not really sure it's a good idea though - why not send the text message first?

Hope this helps.

Re: Jealous friend?

PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 12:18 pm
by dipsydoodlenoodle
How immature! It's a bad case of spitting her dummy out of the pram! If she's going to "blackmail" you into not seeing other friends so she can have you all to herself its childish. What happens when you loose all of your other friends to be her "sole" friend as it is what she wants, then she drops you and you are left with no one.

Re: Jealous friend?

PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 10:09 pm
by Jonaslove
Thank you so much for all your advice, it has made me feel ALOT better than what I was feeling. At least I know I'm not to blame, that really has made me feel better (:

But i do not know what to do. She doesn't trust me anymore and just obviously doesn't want to spend time with me anymore and it really hurts! I just seem to get home from school and lock myself in my room and cry. We used to be so close and have such good times and shes just completely ruined it. Shes always been a little bit like this but never with me and I guess I just have to accept that she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore, but i dont know how to cope with it because I miss her like mad :( I cant get used to the fact that I don't have a best friend anymore. I have my other two close friends, and a few others who i hang around with, but I still can't help feeling abit alone :(

Re: Jealous friend?

PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:11 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
She's not worth sticking with if she's going to make you choose your other friends or her. You feel alone now, what happens when she makes you loose all your other friends for her and then she "dumps" your friendship then you'd be totally alone. I'd stick with your other two close friends and go out and enjoy yourself.

Re: Jealous friend?

PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:28 am
by sarahmienwok
I agree with dipsy. You don't have to have one best friend. In fact, as you get older you'll make loads of different kinds of friends, eg. work mates, uni mates, old school friends, partner's friends, family friends etc etc. Just because she's been your best friend at school doesn't mean your going to be friends forever. It's a sad fact, but it's very true. My boyfriend is still very close to all of his school friends, but I think that's a pretty rare thing to come across to be honest.

Just spend your time with people who treat you right, and you won't go far wrong.

Re: Jealous friend?

PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 6:45 pm
by morris mouse
sarahmienwok wrote: Just spend your time with people who treat you right, and you won't go far wrong.

I agree with "sarahmienwok"

Re: Jealous friend?

PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:15 pm
by Bel Bel
I am not friends with anyone I went to school with
My best friend is still a friend but i would certianly not class her as a best friend now
It is sad yes but the others are right it is better to have a few good close friends than one best friend (who it turns out was not really that good a firned if she wouldn't even hear your side of things) He has jumped to a lot of conclusions without checking the facts and you said she has been like this before with others, I suspect she has used it as an excuse to amke another firend her best friend and that really is silly and immature
In time I think you will come to realise you are better off without her but that doens't stop it hurting now or change the fact you used to be good friends

Re: Jealous friend?

PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 11:42 am
by Weasley
You go through life making friends and moving on - it's just part of growing up. People out grow each other. I had best friends at school that I don't even talk to now! All of my closet friends now are people I have met in the past couple of years, and I'm still meeting people. At school when my best friend was spending a lot of time with someone else I used to make a big point of having a "new" best friend! It's just the way people act. Like me she is probably just insecure and is wanting you to feel jealous maybe. If I were you I would let her get on with it - it's like a natural progression. I think it's quite difficult to find someone now who has the same best friend they had at high school. By the fact that it doesn't bother you her going out with this other friend says to me you are maybe out growing her and are more mature. I would just spend time with the friends you enjoy spending time with - there are always going to be new friendship circles to get involved with.