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Worries for my best friend

PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:30 am
by Hiyaa
My best friend has been going out with a guy for more than a year and it was doomed from the begining. My friend goes to uni and I didn't speak to her much for a year because we were at different places but I just started the same university and I've been so happy that we could hang out again because she was the best friend I'd ever had but it seems she's not as bubbly as she used to be. She tells me all about her situations with this guy and I just want to throw him off a bridge! well ...
- He's always moaning about a certain situation that happened before they got together - although it had nothing to do with him he likes to bring it up in arguments often
- He's called her a slut! Yes, a slut (I bet you want to punch him too)... My friend has NEVER done anything remotely slut like, she's the sweetest person you could meet and she often feels guilt for things I constantly tell her she shouldn't feel guilt for so I couldn't see her being slutty whatsoever.
- He's moaned at her for speaking to an old friend from highschool (male of course) especially for him being higherup in her friends list on myspace... so she deleted it... she stopped going on msn so he wont moan about her talking to anymore guy friends
- They constantly have fallouts and don't talk for days and once weeks.
- He never listens to her - she tells me that he tried to talk to him, text him, email him and none of them worked - infact they resulted in another arguement
- The guy cant stand her talking to any guy because he believes she's having relations with him or that the guy wants to have sex with her (even the geekest, most unappealing guy in our old school)

and recently she and another friend befriended a gut visiting the uni from america because he was on his own and her bf found out and went mental.. again calling her a slut and telling her shes the one ruining the relationship and that she keeps making him out to be the bad guy etc...

I know he has problems but I can't stand the pain he's putting her through... I've tried being there for her, helping her out, giving her advice on how to make him trust her or how to deal with his sillyness... Then as time went on I hinted a breakup may be a good idea ... then recently I have asked her if shes considered dumping him... But she said to me "Yes, but you know, I've never had someone that I could talk about certain things I talk about with him.. It's hard because I've never felt so close to someone" ... It killed me because it made me realise she really does love this guy for god knows what reason... And I've been there and it dragged out for me and although I was never in such an abusive (not physically just to point out) relationship as she was I found it hard to let the guy go too... and I never did really... I was dumped then I fell for someone else ...

so I don't know how to guide her or if I should let it run its course and just be there for her when it fails (because it will.. one day) ... It's just upsetting me seeing her so down. What do I do?

Thanks guys.. sorry its long

Re: Worries for my best friend

PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 10:57 am
by dipsydoodlenoodle
Have you told her about your past relationship and your feelings and stuff?

Also it may be worth telling her about the bullet points on here and saying that she deserves better and that you wouldn't wish all the bad things on your worst enemy.

Re: Worries for my best friend

PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:31 pm
by RagDoll
I can totally emphasise with how you feel "hiyaa", I have been there with a couple of my friends and it can be very frustrating. I think as dispy said it'd be worth sharing your feelings and bullet points etc. if you haven't already, but there's not much more you can do. At the end of the day it's her life and she's got to make her own decisions, you can't make them for her.

I can understand you wanting/hoping to make her see sense, but obviously she sees some worth in this relationship, so all you can do is support her as best you can and let her ride it out. By the sounds of it eventually she'll get to the end of her tether and dump him, but she obviously hasn't reached that point yet. If you become too pushy/critical of him/their relationship she might well fall out with you.

I hope that helps.

Re: Worries for my best friend

PostPosted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 9:57 pm
by Hiyaa
thanks for the advice guys - sorry it took a while to get back I'm busy with uni and exams. My friend is still in this horrible situation, she realises my concerns and is thinking that if it gets worse she will end it... If it got worse he'll be physically abusing her, I don't like seeing her being walked all over.
I guess there is nothing much I can do but be there for her and help her out. It makes me extremely sad but as Ragdoll said, if I get pushy on her then she will fall out with me =(

Thanks again guys x

Re: Worries for my best friend

PostPosted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 6:45 pm
by brfc
thats all you can do is be there for her i guess. you can tell her till your blue in the face this relationships no good for her but she needs to want to end it herself. till then theres not much more you can do.,