Am I in love with someone I shouldn`t be in love with?

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Am I in love with someone I shouldn`t be in love with?

Postby discogreat » Mon Jun 30, 2003 5:49 pm

Hi there,
In Febuary, this year, a young man joined our firm and after a few weeks me and him hit it off straight away.He works in a diferent department and we always had our breaks together as he asked for it.I too am a man and are 17 years older than him. Now I never saw our `friendship` as anything else but a friendship. He was always asking where I went for a drink, ext and I told him I didn`t drink ext. A few of the other workers used to tease him and he took it all in good part. Now about 6 weeks later, he came to work and was very moody and didn`t speak for a couple of days. When I asked him what was wrong he said he had alot on his mind.However, a few days later he was o.k again. This seemed to go on for a while with good days...then moody days.until two weeks ago. I was called up to see senior management and told this person had put in a complaint about me. He said I was going into his department and watching him and he was `hurt`,`upset` and felt `intimmidated`The manager asked me what was happening as I`ve worked there the best part of 20 years and never had a complaint against me before. I told him everything and the matter was dropped.Now the following week he was moved on to the other shift for a week and his department manager, who is a friend of mine, told me that this young man was crying in the office when he made the `complaint` and the view of senior management was that he was getting `worked up over nothing and was"confused".`
I didn`t see him most of last week, the onlt time I see him is at work, yet he is on my mind all the time.Even today we literally bumped into each other and he said "alright". Even after what he`d done he spoke to me!!
I really need some advice on what to do.
Cheers
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Postby stressed » Fri Jul 04, 2003 9:23 am

well you dont actully say your in love with him..... but i would stay away this man is trouble.. hes still a jevenile from the way hes acting!
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who is in love with who.

Postby jasperlens » Sun Jul 06, 2003 10:52 pm

Hi Discogreat,
This sounds so very complex. Being `moody`, `upset`, `intimidated`, it sounds like he is in love with you.!!!!!!! When he said to you he had alot on his mind, I suppose you didn`t ask him what, or else you`d know. As for the crying in the office...........come on whether you like it, or admit to it, or not there is some connection, some chemistry between you.
He probably didn`t want to get you into any trouble but sometimes these things get out of hand. You seem surprised that he spoke to you. Why?
The advice I give to you is this.You are a man, 17 years older than this `man`.As you refer to him as a man I suppose he`s not a teenager. Move on, as STRESSED says, he`s a jevenile and trouble. You may be in love with someone you shouldn`t, but it`s not about YOU. Maybe his actions are a cry for help or a ploy to get attension, let him cry, let him be hurt, if you want to, then pick up the peices when he needs you, but this really does sound like something HE needs to work out.
Again this sounds so complex.
Keep us posted Discogreat.
Take care
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Postby discogreat » Wed Jul 09, 2003 8:52 am

Hi Guys and thanks for replying,
This situation is still ongoing. The young man concerned is no longer having his breaks with us, in fact he sits alone at his machine not talking to anyone all day. However, the people who he works with, he makes a fuss of them ONLY when I`m around. In answer to your question, JASPERLENS,I didn`t ask him what was on his mind at the time because I didn`t want to know.
Some one who he works with is thinking of going to management because they think he might be having some sort of breakdown.
I really feel I should be doing something to help him, but:
1. we know longer see or talk to each other.
2. he seems hurt by me.
Any how time will tell.
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Postby jasperlens » Fri Jul 11, 2003 9:24 am

Hi Discogreat,
It sounds like he`s not `moving on` from all this trouble. Give him time and maybe he`ll come round. If he is having a breakdown that is his problem.......NOT YOURS. If this person he works with goes to management you must stay out of it. You sound troubled by it all, maybe you have `hurt` him but time is a healer......for both of you. If he only makes a fuss of the people he works with when you`re around he must think it upsets you...don`t let it. When he needs a friend, then be there.
Let us know how you go on.
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Postby jasperlens » Wed Jul 30, 2003 7:38 pm

hi discogreat,
hope you`re still out there. i reread the whole topic and according to my calendar is must be 6 weeks since all this blew up. i hope you`ve `moved on` and i hope this person is getting any help they need.
keep us posted if you`re still out there.
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Postby sovs » Thu Jul 31, 2003 12:10 am

Hi

i've just read your problem and i had a thought.
Maybe he's attracted to you as you were getting close, and it's scared him. he might be scared of his feeling and not understand. so i think you should leave him alone so he can sort his head out.
On the other hand he could be straight and realised you fancy him and you freaked him out as some people dont feel comfortable with homosexuals. (i know thats not fair and dont agree with it but with some people they get uncomfotable).
Or my third thought is may be you have been coming on srong without realising it as when you fancy someone you do tend to bother them a lot.
anyway please let us all know what happens.
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Postby discogreat » Thu Jul 31, 2003 2:07 pm

I`ve been off work for 2 weeks with the annual holiday and so haven`t seen him in that time.
The week before we finnished We had a chat and I told him that as far as I was concerned what had happened was in the past. He agreed. The week after (our last week before holidays) he came in and was worse than before. The management keep coming and asking me how things are, and I really don`t know what to tell them. He can`t bring himself to look at me and when he does he looks at me like I`m something he`s just stepped in. The strangest thing is though, on the Thursday, I went to clock out and there was this girl who we all have a laught with and jokingly I hugged her.When I turned to clock out the lad involved was stood with his back to me. Later that evening my friend rang and told me that when I was hugging this girl HIS face `was like thunder`.
So really I feel, at the moment, that I`ve moved on, but I also really fel I should be doing something to help him.
Thank you all for replying too.
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Postby jasperlens » Fri Aug 01, 2003 7:53 am

It really does sound a mess doesn`t it?Firstly, you say the management keep asking you how things are. It`s up to them to sort these things out, not you.
Secondly, if his face was like thunder when you were hugging this girl, it sounds like he`s jealous.
You also say that you had a conversation with him and told him that what had happened was in the past, yet you say he was worse.
Maybe, just maybe, he doesn`t want to forget it and sweep it all under the carpet. If as you`ve said, you`ve moved on it seems that with his `shutting himself off` that he HASN`T.
WHEN THE MANAGEMENT ASK YOU AGAIN ABOUT THINGS YOU MUST TELL THEM EVERYTHING.
This man NEEDS help. It`s time for you to lay low for a while and see what happens.
Take care and do let us know what happens.
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Postby woodyyear » Sat Aug 02, 2003 11:26 am

I`ve just read all the posts for this and to be honest, Mr Discogreat, I don`t think you are in love with this man.You seem obsessed with him, maybe because, as in the case of the girl you hugged, you are used to people liking you and can`t understand why this man has behaved the way he has.
You also say the matter with the management sending for you had been dropped, so if you are in the clear, why worry.
I tend to agree with `sovs` on their first part of advice. If he is ignoring you and can`t look at you that may me his way of dealing with his `crush` on you. Because if he is shutting himself off its obvious that he has some feelings for you.
He must have been `hurt` really bad by you to behave this way.
Maybe, he has problems at home too and his whole actions are a cry for help.
I agree with `jasperlens `comment on the management should be sorting it out not you.
You really need to let it rest for a while now and give him a chance for his feelings to heal and for yours to heal too.
Remember, if he didn`t think alot of you none of this would have happened, and you must think alot of him too from what you say.
Good Luck :lol:
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Postby jasperlens » Sat Aug 02, 2003 10:17 pm

Hi Discogreat,
I`ve just noticed woodyyears reply to you, and just want to say that if you are in love with this person or not, they are lucky to have someone like you who is willing to put the past behind them. I really hope that this whole situation gets sorted out and that he can move on.Maybe he`s waiting for you to make some kind of move towards bebuilding a friendship, but really you have to admit that things are never going to be the same between you again.It looks like he needs some kind of point of closure before he can move on. He is the one who went to managemant complaining and he got no where from what you say.It sounds like he`s hitting out in a crisis and you`re the nearest one, or the only one at work who bothers with him.
Woodyyear says that this man must think alot of you. With his silence and withdrawing from other people because you`d be there, it does sound like he has problems with you that need RESOLVING.
NOW, DISCOGREAT, PLEASE DON`T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY BUT...is there any chance that you have fallen out with this man before?
I know that you`ve only known him since febuary but I`m thinking that something must have gone on that you know about but aren`t telling.By falling out I mean have you had reason not to speak to him for some reason.
If you get back to me on this and your answer is close to what I`m thinking then, maybe, just maybe I know the key to the whole issue.
Take care
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Postby discogreat » Sun Aug 03, 2003 8:53 pm

NOW, DISCOGREAT, PLEASE DON`T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY BUT...is there any chance that you have fallen out with this man before?

Hello jasperlens,
3 weeks before it happened he was in a moody state for a couple of days so I didn`t speak to him for a while. This was from a wednesday to the following monday.
On this monday he asked two of my friends what was up with me as I wasn`t talking to him.
On the tuesday I went to him and said I was sorry for not speaking to him. He was ok the rest of the day.
The following day he came in and ignored me and when I asked him why he wasn`t speaking to me, he said ,
" THAT`S RICH COMING FROM YOU YOU HAVEN`T SPOKEN TO ME FOR 2 WEEKS"
I asked if he didn`t want to speak and he just looked at me. I asked him again and he said,
"FAIR ENOUGHT"
The following 2 days he never spoke and then the week after was when he when to management, who by the way for the record, can not understand where he got his tale from.I have not been in trouble or warned or anything like that, so please jasperlens if you know the `key to the whole issue` please let me know for his sake as well as mine.
Cheers
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Postby jasperlens » Sun Aug 03, 2003 10:16 pm

Hi discogreat,
thanks for replying, I know how hard it can be.
You hurt him by not speaking to him, and now he wants to hurt you, but he also wants you in a position where you can`t hurt him again.
The fact that you, in his eyes, have `got away with it` and that he hasn`t got any sympathy from anyone is what`s making him act `strange`.
So you are all in the clear, but you still feel bad about the way that this thing has turned out..........fair play to you.That is what it probaly what it is to you...a play...in the same way as hugging the girl was.
What has freaked you out is the way that he has reacted to it.
In a way by not giving him time and FORCING him to tell you if he wanted to speak, you have pushed him there.
Maybe, in this young mans past, he has had problems.
If he sits alone..so what? Has anyone asked him to? Or is it his choice?
The key to the problem is " You ", my friend, and I`m not getting at you honest.
He is behaving this way because maybe he feels `let down` or `betrayed` by you.
He is only a young man, still learning the ways of the world, at 17 years older you should know the ways of the world.
Maybe, you were flattered by the attenstion he showed you at first, maybe you`re still flattered by the attenstion he`s TRYING NOT to show you now.
I really hope that you 2 can come to some kind of understanding as I can tell in your previous posts you are worried by what has happened.
You need to look at `stressed` post from july 4th...look at the last word....ACTING....be honest now, both you and him are putting on a front and only 2 people are getting hurt by it.
Take care.
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Postby woodyyear » Wed Aug 06, 2003 10:52 pm

Hi DISCOGREAT,
I was rereading the whole story and suddenly it struck me. You say you have had very little contact with this young man, yet he still behaves strangely towards you. You also say that management are asking you how things are.....be honest, forget him .Tell them how you are feeling.
If this ex friend is no longer talking to you, you really need to know why from himTell management how the whole situation has affected you....you need help too. When you were called to see management, that involved you. Forget him and get yourself sorted out.
Let us know what happens please.
Take care
:roll:
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Postby jasperlens » Thu Aug 07, 2003 9:34 am

Hello again,
I`ve just read woodyyear`s post and completely agree with it. You, discogreat, need to be sat down in a room with this young man and he should tell you face to face why he has been acting the way he has.
You really need to involve the management that know about it.This situation MUST be affecting other people, in fact in a previous post you say that one of his workmates was going to go to management.
If there is little contact, and you maybe only see him say once a day going home it makes no difference as this whole matter needs resolving one way or another. If you are got together and he says he hates you and wants nothing to do with you at least you can move on, knowing why.
With you I think it`s the `not knowing why` that`s a problem. Some one should be able to help you.
Take care and let us know.
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